Need a script for coping with Passive Aggressive conversation style

I have posted a very long thread describing my marriage on another thread. My husband is very passive aggressive and I am trying to just live my life in spite of it. How in the world can I get a handle on a conversation with a passive-aggressive person so it doesn't turn into a disaster? Even the simplest topic or request turns into a fight and I am so sick of it and I just want to have some advice on how to stay on track and not be manipulated. Not only with my husband but people at work or in life that I might encounter. Here is a recent conversation that got way off track. If you don't mind using this an an example of how I can better control this conversation. Would you be willing to re-write this and show me what I should have said instead? I can't control him and I can't change him, but I can change how I react to him and set up boundaries for the conversation. I needed to cook some fresh rice for a family dinner gathering we were going to later that day. I looked for the pot and found it in the fridge. Hubby had cooked rice in it and put the whole pan in the fridge and the rice looked old and dry. So, I had to dump the old rice, soak the pan, scrub, and then use it to cook. I was annoyed and it delayed my cooking schedule, as I had several dishes to make. He very frequently puts the pans in the fridge and I have asked him not to several times over months and years. Hubby (H) walks in and I asked him, "Can you please not put pans of food in the fridge? Can you instead transfer the food into a storage container? I had to get the old rice out of the pan in order to use it today and I'm trying to cook for tonight's dinner." H: Did you throw out all that rice that was in the pan?? Me: Yes, it was old and dried out. H: That rice was perfectly good still! Such waste! Me: I'm sorry but the rice was old, no one would eat that rice. I gave it to the dogs so it didn't totally go to waste. And I had to soak and scrub the pan out so I could use it again. Can you please remove the food from the pan next time and put it in a storage container? H: Well I was exhausted last night, and I had a thousand things to do because you were working, and the kids were hungry . . . Me: I know sometimes you are tired-- but this happens a lot and I've asked you before. Can you please start using storage containers? H: I don't like to put our food in plastic, it's not healthy. Me: We have glass storage containers, too. Can you use those? H: Well in the past you have put pans of food in the fridge. I remember you putting a huge pot of mac and cheese in there before. If you can do it, why can't I? Me: Because I probably did it once or twice, and I can't remember the last time I made mac and cheese. But anyway, it's just frustrating because several times a week I find this pan in the fridge with dried up rice in it. I am so tired by the time I clean out the pan so I can make dinner, and I just would like it if you didn't keep putting it in the fridge with rice in it. I am tired right now and I still have two more dishes to make for dinner tonight. What I need to hear from you right now is that you will try to remember to not put pans in the fridge anymore. H: (stomps off without a word) Later, I had set the new rice to boil and asked him to tell me when it was boiling so I could cover it and turn down the heat while I went to the bathroom to do my hair. He was cooking on the other burner at the time. I came out some time later and asked if the rice was boiling or not, He said yes it had been for awhile. I asked why he hadn't told me about it, or at least attended to it, and he said it was my business to cook the rice and I should have kept a better eye on it. As a result the rice got burned and I had to soak the pan and start over and make yet another batch of rice. I had such an angry feeling the rest of the night at the family dinner and we were late because I had to make yet another batch of rice. :mad::mad::mad: I felt so dumb for even attempting to open the pan topic in the first place. If I had kept my mouth shut he might not have noticed the old rice was gone and the day would have gone better. I am afraid of even trying to talk to him but sometimes in a family we have to talk about things.

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