Wife is in a PA/EA

Let me start by giving some history. My wife and I have been together for 15 years on May 23rd. We have been married for 6 years. We have 2 beautiful children they are 7 & 6. We have had a hard path through our relationship. We are high school sweethearts and we have made many mistakes over the course of our relationship. We have broke up and got back together a couple times over the years. I have not always been a good bf, fiancé, or husband. I can sometimes be distant. This is possibly due to my childhood. She is a good woman and I have always been in love with her. I have had both EA and PA's back when we were younger I learned from those mistakes and realized that she was the only woman for me. She had a miscarriage back in 2003 at 5 months of pregnancy we were unaware of the pregnancy until this happened. She moved out and ended our relationship. I tried contacting her throughout this time and she would not answer my calls. I got a new job and started to move on with my life. I started to talk with someone about 4 months after we split and started to have feelings for this girl. Out of the blue one day she contacted me. The other girl that I had feelings for hadn't really stated what her intentions were so, I went and picked up my ex and took her out and all my feelings came flooding back. I was stuck in between feelings for two women. I ended up realizing that I love my hs sweetheart more than anything and I wanted to be with her. We got back together after being split for about six months. My job required a lot of time away due to the company being a new start up and the industry I am in is 24/7 and I was on call. I was almost always at work and that caused problems at home. Not long after we found out we were pregnant. We were very careful with everything so we did not have another miscarriage. At this time I was still working a ton of hours at work, but I made it to every dr apt with her. Through this time we were doing good in our relationship. Our daughter came and she just reaffirmed that I loved my hs sweetheart and now my new family we had began together. Not long after the birth of my daughter we found out we were pregnant again. We again made sure that we did what we could to ensure that this pregnancy went to term. She wanted to get married and I made the mistake of saying that marriage was just a piece of paper. Hindsight marriage is so much more than that to me at least. We did go down and get married at the courthouse. I was still working a ton of hours at work and she still did not like me being gone as much as I was. I tried explaining that I didn't like it either but it paid the bills and provided us with some extra money. My son came and we moved in with some hs friends that we had known for a very long time. Again, I was not home much and she hated being at the house with people that didn't seem to want us there. I told her we couldn't afford to move at that time and not to long later our friends decided that they did not want to live there either and got an apt without warning and let us know a week before they moved out. We could not afford the place on our own so we were essentially homeless. We packed everything up put it in her parents shed and moved in with her parents. This whole situation caused so much stress on us. Finally, after about 3 months of living with her parents (again) we found a house that we could afford and was big enough for the four of us. She went back to working and I continued working at the job that was consuming my life. We had ups and downs over the next few years but nothing major. I received a promotion at work which took me off call which was huge. I was able to participate in my babies lives more than ever before. Unfortunately my job which had consumed so much of my time over the years had not allowed for us to prosper financially just allowed us to make it. My wife hates the company and thinks they just take advantage of people. I agree but it has always been steady work and money. About 2 years ago the day before my wife's birthday I was at work working late and I get a call from her saying that she is showing signs of a stroke. I called my mom and told her to put my wife in the car and get her to the hospital NOW. Of course I'm working over any hour away and my wife is at the hospital alone until I can get there. They admitted her into the hospital and stat that she has had a TIA (stroke). She was devastated as she was only 28 when she had this. I had my mom watch the kids and I spent the days she was in the hospital with her laying in the bed and holding her. We got out of the hospital and she went right back to our busy lives and buried herself into everything she had going on. One day about 2 months after the stroke my wife comes in the room at about 6 am to tell me she is pregnant again I jump up ecstatically and she is crying her eyes out and says I have something to tell you. My heart sank she told me that she had a pa but used protection and felt she had to tell me about it. I was crushed. She professed her love for me but I was crushed. Not knowing this child was mine or not. We talked and talked and had a hard time dealing with the situation. We decided to go and have an abortion. The night after the procedure she was in the bathroom throwing up and I guess I was exhausted from everything that was going on and work did not realize it and she called the guy that she had the PA with and he sat on the phone with her through that process. About a month later she let me know that she didn't know if she wanted to be with me anymore and needed time to figure it all out. She explained to me what happened and what made her come to this. I was crushed again. But to myself I thought who am I to be the one crushed she is the one that has had a stroke and abortion and doesn't feel like I was supportive enough through it all. I understood and we went on working on us even though she wasn't sure what she wanted. After a long 6-8 months she decided that she wanted to be with me and fix our marriage. She cut off all contact with OM. We began working very hard on our marriage. The holidays started to roll around and we had a family vacation planned for the week of Thanksgiving. We went on the vacation and had an amazing time. We were probably the happiest we had been in years. It was the best vacation of my life. We came back and when she went to work on that Monday they gave her notice they would be laying her off and her final day would be 2 weeks before Christmas. She did not take this well at all. We made it through Christmas and she was having a fun being a stay at home mom again. She decided that she was going to work part time for a lawyer's office just to get her out of the house. February rolled around (our wedding anniversary is in February) and not long after our anniversary she let me know that she was have an EA with the guy from before. I have talked to her until I have been blue in the face and she seems to be shutting me out now. I have tried to be understanding and compassionate. She has stated that she loves me, finds me attractive and we still communicate (not as well as we probably could or should). Last night she stated that she resents me due to the abortion, and every time she looks at me all she thinks of is the abortion and the fact that she resents me for it. She said if there is a way to not see the resentment for the abortion then to tell her. The abortion choice we made has crushed me and hurt me also but I turn to her and it made me love her and want to be with her more. It is the opposite for her which had me lost. She says she loves the OM but not the same way that she loves me she still tells me she loves me and we still have sex and are intimate. We go for nightly walks together. I don't know what to do at this point I feel lost! I don't konw if counseling together would help of not. I don't even know if we can afford it or if she would go.

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