Crossroads: Which Way to Go?

I have been reading posts from this site for almost two months now and I really appreciate everyone's insight. It has been extremely helpful to see that I am not alone in my feelings and hurt and the tips have been just as helpful. Here is a little about my current situations. I had been in a committed relationship for over three years now. The last two years have been in a cohabitating relationship with all of our bills split 50-50. We moved in with each other after a year because we were both ready to take the next step in our relationship. Things appeared to be fine with communication and we were very supportive of each other. We had our differences and at the time, I was willing to put up with it because I loved and cared for her (chores, time and how we spent our free time apart) Things seemed to have gone downhill about a year ago. There was a death of someone that I was extremely influential in my life. After the funeral, I did not cope in the healthiest of ways and my anxiety was very high. I began to misuse my prescription medication (sleeping pills) to shut off my mind. My girlfriend appeared to be concerned and asked me to stop, which I gladly did when she brought it up. When she communicated her needs, I was always very happy to accommodate. However, stress from work and life started to catch up with me. She had a large group of friends who would frequent the bars multiple nights a week. I was willing to go out maybe once in awhile but honestly, I am in my late twenties and have a professional job where I don't want to be at the bars that often. I was open with these needs as well. I trusted her and was okay with her going to see her friends and had no reason to believe anything was going on. Things started to become suspicious when she came to me one day and said, "You are who I want to be with in the long run but I am not sure about now." I was blindsided by this but told her that she needed to figure out what she wanted and I offered her a break or time apart. She denied wanting any of this. She began going to the bars more often (3-4 nights a week and staying out until close). This was new because she works early in the morning. I started noticing that she would sleep on the couch when she came home late (she would say that she didn't want to wake me by getting into bed). She also started to not invite me out with her friends and when I would text her, I would hear from her much later or get the excuse that her phone died. I played it off and kept making notes of what was going on. One night, we were hanging out, I noticed a name pop up on her phone that I had not heard. I asked her who it was and she said it was one of her female friends. I knew it was a male's name and called her out on it. She said that it was a male and that they were venting about one of their old friends. I really kept my eyes open at this point. I noticed her spending the night at her female friend's home more often, and she would come home with bruises on her chest. I kept collecting information but I had no proof until one of her friends slipped up and told me about the OM. Her friend did not know any details besides her spending time with this man. I quickly called her out on it and demanded the truth. She claimed that it was only emotional and she deleted his number and him from Facebook. She assured me that I did not need to get tested and that nothing physical happened. Well, of course something physical happened. It was very much an EA and PA. It would have been easier to handle this had she told me but I found out by reading a test from one of her friends asking why she slept with him but didn't tell her. I became furious and my world collapsed. I ended things with her but was willing to listen and see if anything could be salvaged. I was crushed that I had her engagement ring and she was out with another man. I treated her with the utmost respect and would have done anything for her. Fast forward four months, I am still not with her but willing to work with her in this. I am continuing to get trickle truth details about her cheating with lasted over two months. I later found out that when she deleted his number and Facebook, she had an app on her phone that stored his messages and calls that nobody could else could see. As of now, there has been no contact (according to her), she does show me her phone but I have caught her deleting messages before. She did file a PPO on the OM after she told him not to contact her and he continued to do so. She continues to lie about details and I am tired of being the detective. I am in a great deal of pain and I am wondering when it has been too much and I should cut my losses. She appears to be remorseful and the last month, she has made more progress than our entire relationship. She says that she wants forgiveness but I am not willing to forgive unless I see that there are major changes and that we don't end up on that path again. Since the cheating came out, she has been living with her parents. I am moving soon out of the city soon and cannot move right before that. I am surrounded by images of the home we created and where she tainted it. She had him over on multiple occasions and I cannot help but feel sick picturing where they may or may not have had sex. We tried couples counseling and she seems to be making some progress now that the therapist has been calling her out. I am at a loss. Like I said, I move away in two months and she says that she wants to move as well but not in with me. I do care about her and want the best for her but I think it is time that I take care of myself. I am working on building myself up but am struggling. It seems when we have our good days, they are ruined moments later from another lie that I catch. I am tired of that and am trying to push away from her. I know that I cannot fix her but any feedback or advice would be most helpful. Like I said, she seems to be working on us but her actions do not show this. I am tired of lies and false promises but I still care about her and wish that things could be better. What can I do? There are days when I am so fed up that I am ready to be done and days that I think that I think we can make it. I am at a crossroads and need some guidance. Thank you in advance!

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