husband having EA..

Hi all, I know this post will be scattered and I apologize in advance. I'm still reeling from finding this out tonight. We have been married 3 and a half years, and just had a baby last year. He is 9 months old. We've had what I thought was a really wonderful relationship, same interests, great sex life, etc. We have been going through a difficult time with the baby, he has had some medical problems and the first 4 months were very, very trying. He basically screamed 24/7 (no, really!) And I was home during the day by myself taking care of him, also at night because he's breastfed. I got very depressed and it was a hard time but baby is doing better now, though still has issues. I've done my very best to make my H feel wanted, loved, not forgotten about, ask him about his day,trying to get back to pre-pregnancy weight (only 10 lbs off), etc. But apparently he's been in an EA with this girl for a few months, new girl at work, who is also married. Claims there's not been anyt hing physical, but if that's true its only because there's not been an opportunity I'm sure. Unfortunately, we also met at work. He was married but she had just moved out. We worked together and flirted on IM, then that led to the relationship. This is happening the same way ours did. I read their IMs, they're so similar to what ours used to be. Trying to find common interests, going out of his way to do things for her, bringing her back drinks, giving her candy, teasing her, etc. But what's really troubling is the way he refers to me. The chain. He speaks ill of me and complains about going on vacation with me in a few weeks. She calls him a nickname with "my" in front of it, for example, "awe my DJ!" He also has a pet name for me that he called her. He claims it was for the attention and he's going through an identity crisis but then he says he liked her and had feelings for her. How convenient as soon as I busted him, his feelings disappear? He was feeling con flicted but now says he loves me and will do whatever he has to do to convince me and earn my trust. I almost wish I'd found out without him knowing but I sort of guessed and called him on it, went all in, and he admitted bits and pieces the more we talked. Basically, I forced it out of him. Then he went straight for his phone. So I took that from him. I just read a bunch of convos he had with her that I'm not sure he knows are there, but other than that, I'm sure he'd be careful now about any future correspondence. I don't know where to go from here. I can't imagine trusting him again after reading all this. I feel so stupid, he met me while he was married and carried on an office affair, why wouldn't he do it again? Plus, everything he admitted (and he left a lot out) to was seriously forced because what he said the first million times I didn't buy, so I don't feel like how gets points for "coming clean.". I caught him in a sticky situation and his back was against the wall, I feel like he only came clean to what he absolutely had to. Anyway he claims he's going to tell her its done and look for a new job but I want HER to leave. He's already gotten promoted and she's brand new. Is it wrong that I want him to tell her if she doesn't leave and get another job, I'm going to tell her husband? Okay, so like I said I know its jumbled but I am just in shock right now. I felt disconnected from him about a month ago and told him I was worried about him straying, since that's how we met, and he told me he would never do such a thing, etc. Meanwhile he was doing it! I'm just heartbroken, for myself but also for my son. I don't see how he could do this to me after I've practically given up my career to raise our baby (and by the way, he talked ME into having a baby sooner than I wanted). How do we get past this? How could I ever trust anything he says again? Thanks, all.

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