Hi everyone. I'm a 32YOF. Husband is 34. We have a 2.5 DD. Been married for almost 10 years.
Let me start by saying I really love my husband, and I want things to work. Just not sure what else to do. I am pretty sure my husband is no longer in love with me, but is very comfortable and maybe even happy in the relationship. But things have changed so much in the way he treats me, the way we talk or do things.
It's been slowly but steadily downhill since sometime in 2013.
No kissing (just pecks, but haven't made out or anything like that in years). No I love yous. No more sweet little gestures like holding hands, sitting together (he used to put his arm behind my chair ALWAYS at a restaurant, now he never does it), doesn't look at me. Doesn't compliment me or say any positive things about anything I do. There is a lot of criticism. He doesn't look at me. No birthday presents (or anniversary, or any). He is only super sweet when he wants sex (which is awesome and frequent, he takes good care of me and makes sure I have as much fun as he does).
Very friendly, we laugh together and spend time at home having a good time. We get along great. I just miss the romance so much. It is a huge need that used to be fulfilled and is not anymore.
We talked it over a million times and he gets mad because he feels accused. I don't mean to blame him for anything, I just try to voice my needs in the marriage and usually I am so sad that end up breaking up and crying. It sucks.
He is a good (great) dad and we never fight, but sometimes he says smart assey/passive agressive things, or acts slightly like a jerk, or dismissses any thought or feelings I have about anything (not only marriage) without a second thought. I don't think he does this to hurt me, but he does.
To make things worse, because of his job we moved to Hong Kong a few months ago. Things are better for him here (hated his job back in the US and here he has a great gig), but worse for me (I left a job/life/friends that I LOVED and miss). So the lack of emotional support and romance has become impossible for me to shrug off or ignore. I'm sad and miserable and I watch airplanes from my apartment window wishing to be on them, going away. I never felt so alone.
I have lied to myself thinking that I could turn things around just by being better in any way: I am not jealous (which I used to be years ago) AT ALL, he is free to do anything he wants for as long as he wants with whomever he wants, I don't ask what he spends his money on, don't look at phone or computer, I work on myself to look great and stay attractive, I am very enthusiastic in bed, cheerful to see him, I don't pursue him, I cook, keep the house, I mean... You get it. I try very hard. But it's not working out. He seems 100% oblivious or indifferent.
What keeps me in the marriage?
1- I love him and want the marriage to work, and I'll try everything.
2- We have a 2 year old daughter. If we split, that means I have to go back to the USA (where I can go back to my good job, here I'm not even a legal resident yet and, even then, I'm not sure what I would do), which means taking our girl all the way across the globe and separate her from her dad. I can't do that. Her happiness comes before mine.
So here I am, trapped. Homesick and sad, since I have no one to talk to. If you made it through this long post and are still here, please help me... Don't suggest counseling because there is NO WAY IN HELL he'll go.
Thanks again...
Let me start by saying I really love my husband, and I want things to work. Just not sure what else to do. I am pretty sure my husband is no longer in love with me, but is very comfortable and maybe even happy in the relationship. But things have changed so much in the way he treats me, the way we talk or do things.
It's been slowly but steadily downhill since sometime in 2013.
No kissing (just pecks, but haven't made out or anything like that in years). No I love yous. No more sweet little gestures like holding hands, sitting together (he used to put his arm behind my chair ALWAYS at a restaurant, now he never does it), doesn't look at me. Doesn't compliment me or say any positive things about anything I do. There is a lot of criticism. He doesn't look at me. No birthday presents (or anniversary, or any). He is only super sweet when he wants sex (which is awesome and frequent, he takes good care of me and makes sure I have as much fun as he does).
Very friendly, we laugh together and spend time at home having a good time. We get along great. I just miss the romance so much. It is a huge need that used to be fulfilled and is not anymore.
We talked it over a million times and he gets mad because he feels accused. I don't mean to blame him for anything, I just try to voice my needs in the marriage and usually I am so sad that end up breaking up and crying. It sucks.
He is a good (great) dad and we never fight, but sometimes he says smart assey/passive agressive things, or acts slightly like a jerk, or dismissses any thought or feelings I have about anything (not only marriage) without a second thought. I don't think he does this to hurt me, but he does.
To make things worse, because of his job we moved to Hong Kong a few months ago. Things are better for him here (hated his job back in the US and here he has a great gig), but worse for me (I left a job/life/friends that I LOVED and miss). So the lack of emotional support and romance has become impossible for me to shrug off or ignore. I'm sad and miserable and I watch airplanes from my apartment window wishing to be on them, going away. I never felt so alone.
I have lied to myself thinking that I could turn things around just by being better in any way: I am not jealous (which I used to be years ago) AT ALL, he is free to do anything he wants for as long as he wants with whomever he wants, I don't ask what he spends his money on, don't look at phone or computer, I work on myself to look great and stay attractive, I am very enthusiastic in bed, cheerful to see him, I don't pursue him, I cook, keep the house, I mean... You get it. I try very hard. But it's not working out. He seems 100% oblivious or indifferent.
What keeps me in the marriage?
1- I love him and want the marriage to work, and I'll try everything.
2- We have a 2 year old daughter. If we split, that means I have to go back to the USA (where I can go back to my good job, here I'm not even a legal resident yet and, even then, I'm not sure what I would do), which means taking our girl all the way across the globe and separate her from her dad. I can't do that. Her happiness comes before mine.
So here I am, trapped. Homesick and sad, since I have no one to talk to. If you made it through this long post and are still here, please help me... Don't suggest counseling because there is NO WAY IN HELL he'll go.
Thanks again...
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