Hi. I am 30 years old and my husband is 47. We have been together almost 6 years, married almost 3.
We have been, for the entirety of our marriage, on this vicious rollercoaster we can't seem to steer off of.
Its always the same things, I need more attention/affection and he always tells me that he just isn't that type of man.
He always tells me I need to be a better wife, that my anger is a problem (the only problem he has with me) and something needs to be done about it.
Recently, that last big fight, happened two nights ago. He has three children from a previous marriage, the youngest having recently moved in with us full time. I have taken full responsibility for the child, My husband takes him to school and picks him up, that is pretty much is. I do everything else.
Recently, the ex wife has been in town staying with his oldest daughter, whom i've always had a love hate relationship with. I have always tried to be the best person I could be to her, and she has always hated me, unless she wanted something.
Trying to be the bigger person, we allowed the ex to come over to celebrate the oldest daughters birthday. Since then, oldest daughter has been acting hanky and odd. Making me feel very insecure in my relationship with my husband.
The other night, late at night, I went into our bedroom to speak with my husband in regards to my feelings of insecurity and concern. He was not really asleep, but was laying in bed. (In his defense, he has had a lot of stress on his shoulders and has been in very negative moods often....which hasn't changed in 6 years. I never know what mood he will be in when I get home)
I informed him of my issues and proceeded to tell him my feelings of oldest daughter. He got up and proceeded to tell me a list of reasons why I am wrong, and my feelings are obsured. This turned into an all out fight.
The next morning, he proceeded to make a comment about how he has simply been playing house all this time while his children were living in an awful situation with their mother.
That hurt me. It made me feel even more insecure and unloved. We had lunch yesterday, 2 days after the outburst, and I tried to converse with him about how he made me feel. Immedietly he said "its always about you isn't it" in which I tried to defend my position of having open communication about me feelings.
Long story short, we seem to have the same fights over and over again. I am to "emotionally needy" and don't know how to treat a man. Its always my fault that we have problems in the relationship. (I mean, always) He has never done anything wrong, ever.
Maybe twice, in 6 years.
Im fed up. Im depressed. Im devestated. I don't want to get divorced, I don't want to get seperated. I know that at this moment I can't live on my own because of my financial burdens. (I have been a stay at home wife/mom for the most part, working part time on a very minimal income to have money for my needs and wants)
I have isolated myself from all my friends due to his disapproval of them, although if you ask him, he never would do such a thing. No, he's never said anything about me not hanging out with them, he has just trash talked everyone I know so much over the past 6 years that it has been easier to avoid it outright.
I have no one. All my family lives in other states.
I am at my wits end, and I don't know what to do.
This probably makes no sense as I am currently writing as I think....
I'm just so lost.
We have been, for the entirety of our marriage, on this vicious rollercoaster we can't seem to steer off of.
Its always the same things, I need more attention/affection and he always tells me that he just isn't that type of man.
He always tells me I need to be a better wife, that my anger is a problem (the only problem he has with me) and something needs to be done about it.
Recently, that last big fight, happened two nights ago. He has three children from a previous marriage, the youngest having recently moved in with us full time. I have taken full responsibility for the child, My husband takes him to school and picks him up, that is pretty much is. I do everything else.
Recently, the ex wife has been in town staying with his oldest daughter, whom i've always had a love hate relationship with. I have always tried to be the best person I could be to her, and she has always hated me, unless she wanted something.
Trying to be the bigger person, we allowed the ex to come over to celebrate the oldest daughters birthday. Since then, oldest daughter has been acting hanky and odd. Making me feel very insecure in my relationship with my husband.
The other night, late at night, I went into our bedroom to speak with my husband in regards to my feelings of insecurity and concern. He was not really asleep, but was laying in bed. (In his defense, he has had a lot of stress on his shoulders and has been in very negative moods often....which hasn't changed in 6 years. I never know what mood he will be in when I get home)
I informed him of my issues and proceeded to tell him my feelings of oldest daughter. He got up and proceeded to tell me a list of reasons why I am wrong, and my feelings are obsured. This turned into an all out fight.
The next morning, he proceeded to make a comment about how he has simply been playing house all this time while his children were living in an awful situation with their mother.
That hurt me. It made me feel even more insecure and unloved. We had lunch yesterday, 2 days after the outburst, and I tried to converse with him about how he made me feel. Immedietly he said "its always about you isn't it" in which I tried to defend my position of having open communication about me feelings.
Long story short, we seem to have the same fights over and over again. I am to "emotionally needy" and don't know how to treat a man. Its always my fault that we have problems in the relationship. (I mean, always) He has never done anything wrong, ever.
Maybe twice, in 6 years.
Im fed up. Im depressed. Im devestated. I don't want to get divorced, I don't want to get seperated. I know that at this moment I can't live on my own because of my financial burdens. (I have been a stay at home wife/mom for the most part, working part time on a very minimal income to have money for my needs and wants)
I have isolated myself from all my friends due to his disapproval of them, although if you ask him, he never would do such a thing. No, he's never said anything about me not hanging out with them, he has just trash talked everyone I know so much over the past 6 years that it has been easier to avoid it outright.
I have no one. All my family lives in other states.
I am at my wits end, and I don't know what to do.
This probably makes no sense as I am currently writing as I think....
I'm just so lost.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment