Hi,
I guess I'm just looking for insight, advice, maybe people going through the same thing? I left my husband yesterday & now I feel like I need some serious support to stick with this decision. I posted last month in the "considering" section, titled "Husband wants to change", and now here I am in the "going through" section.
We're 28, together 9 years, married 5.
Long story short - I still love my husband, and am even still in love with him. I know that he feels the same way as I do, and he doesn't want me to leave. We have just grown into two different people with different ways of showing love, different interests, different communication styles. Essentially, I am a love bird & like to show love in all ways, and he doesn't know how to express love at all, or he just doesn't want to. On top of it, it seems to me that he is constantly annoyed & angry with me & everything I do. I can't live with that anymore - being treated like an annoyance with the person who I love & am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
I should add that we have 2 small children, so that is a huge part of why this decision is hard for me. He is a good enough dad, so that really confuses things for me. However, I think it would be better for us to separate now while they're young than for them to see us fight for another 5 years and then separate when they can remember.
I told him that I wanted to leave a little over a month ago & he asked me to stay & said that he would change. We both stopped drinking, and that was the only change. I wouldn't say that drinking was a huge problem (though we did it often), but it definitely brought out the worst in us when we weren't getting along. Anyhow, he was 'nice' for about 2 weeks, and then quickly went right back to the same old thing.
He's just plain old mean to me. The things that he says to me are things that I would say to my little sister & brother when I was 13 & hating them. I just don't know how he can treat me like he hates me when I know that he loves me. For instance, if I make a mistake or break something by accident, he gets mad and yells at me and is mad at me for the rest of the day. Wtf, we are adults here & even adults make mistakes. If he makes mistakes or breaks something or whatever, I just think "oh, that happened, let's move on, oh well". I don't blame him for things like that, and he blames everything on me. I mean everything - sometimes even acts of nature, he'll somehow find some twisted way that its my fault & then be mad at me for days & finally tell me that he's mad about such & such that really had nothing to do with me.
I could go on about all the things that I don't like, but essentially we just aren't right for each other and I am miserable being around him with the way he treats me. But I still love him, and I wish he could change, and I know that he wants to. It breaks my heart to leave when he doesn't want me to and he wants to change, but I know he never will.
How do I get through this? It really hurts & is also very scary to start over again by myself. I feel like I need to join a support group of women going through the same thing or something...is there an in-person TAM group?? (lol).
Thanks...RubiTuesday
I guess I'm just looking for insight, advice, maybe people going through the same thing? I left my husband yesterday & now I feel like I need some serious support to stick with this decision. I posted last month in the "considering" section, titled "Husband wants to change", and now here I am in the "going through" section.
We're 28, together 9 years, married 5.
Long story short - I still love my husband, and am even still in love with him. I know that he feels the same way as I do, and he doesn't want me to leave. We have just grown into two different people with different ways of showing love, different interests, different communication styles. Essentially, I am a love bird & like to show love in all ways, and he doesn't know how to express love at all, or he just doesn't want to. On top of it, it seems to me that he is constantly annoyed & angry with me & everything I do. I can't live with that anymore - being treated like an annoyance with the person who I love & am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.
I should add that we have 2 small children, so that is a huge part of why this decision is hard for me. He is a good enough dad, so that really confuses things for me. However, I think it would be better for us to separate now while they're young than for them to see us fight for another 5 years and then separate when they can remember.
I told him that I wanted to leave a little over a month ago & he asked me to stay & said that he would change. We both stopped drinking, and that was the only change. I wouldn't say that drinking was a huge problem (though we did it often), but it definitely brought out the worst in us when we weren't getting along. Anyhow, he was 'nice' for about 2 weeks, and then quickly went right back to the same old thing.
He's just plain old mean to me. The things that he says to me are things that I would say to my little sister & brother when I was 13 & hating them. I just don't know how he can treat me like he hates me when I know that he loves me. For instance, if I make a mistake or break something by accident, he gets mad and yells at me and is mad at me for the rest of the day. Wtf, we are adults here & even adults make mistakes. If he makes mistakes or breaks something or whatever, I just think "oh, that happened, let's move on, oh well". I don't blame him for things like that, and he blames everything on me. I mean everything - sometimes even acts of nature, he'll somehow find some twisted way that its my fault & then be mad at me for days & finally tell me that he's mad about such & such that really had nothing to do with me.
I could go on about all the things that I don't like, but essentially we just aren't right for each other and I am miserable being around him with the way he treats me. But I still love him, and I wish he could change, and I know that he wants to. It breaks my heart to leave when he doesn't want me to and he wants to change, but I know he never will.
How do I get through this? It really hurts & is also very scary to start over again by myself. I feel like I need to join a support group of women going through the same thing or something...is there an in-person TAM group?? (lol).
Thanks...RubiTuesday
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