Had a nice chat tonight. After advice here I re-asked the question. For those that don't know it was "if OM had asked you to run off with him and leave us, would you have?"
She told me at that moment in time, yes. She said she definitely had a "maybe the grass is greener" thing going thinking about running away from all her responsibilities and being with a very irresponsible person. She went on to say that now her head is clear and there's no way she'd ever even speak to him again. She said she's completely humiliated that she allowed herself to get involved with such a douche but that she was panicking when she turned 45 and he just happened to be available and not me.
Another thing she told me from her therapy session is that the shrink told her that her feelings for him may have not been real but her own biology betraying her. She said that when women have repeated sex with a man that a chemical process kicks off in them that makes them feel love for the man. WTF is that? So you're saying that if you F a woman enough times she has to love you? Sounds like egghead bullsh*t to me.
Anyway the chat was good. I'm still not healthy enough to even consider her moving back in but she knows that I'm at least willing to begin the long process of R so that made her happy. As those of you who've helped me probably realize I still have a sh*tload of rage in me. I don't think we should move too fast until I deal with that.
Anyone reading this and wanting to know my story it's on another thread but here's the cliff notes. Met at 18, married at 19, perfect marriage for for 26 years, 3 kids, then supposedly a midlife crisis overwhelms my beautiful perfect wife at age 45 and she ends up in a full-on affair with one of her good friend's husbands. A couple that were good friends of ours. Now all families' lives are in shambles. The OMW divorced him and he's gone off in another state. My wife is in purgatory (a small apartment I rented for her when I kicked her out), our children still won't speak to her and it's been two years since d-day. She had to quit her job because it was a pretty conservative business and she being a "slvt" was the talk of the office. She didn't confide the affair to me, I had to find out from OMW with irrefutable proof and wife lied every step of the way only admitting to what we had proof of. Since then she has given me full disclosure, every horrific detail. She al so found out that she meant nothing to the OM other than being a piece of ass. Now she says the therapy has helped her recognize it for what it was and that she begs me for a 2nd chance. I still replay mental movies a thousand times a day and still can't understand why this happened when she keeps insisting that it had nothing to do with me and was just about her and her "overwhelming panic after turning 45 and wondering if there was more out there."
That's about the only update but it was a decent day. I have to admit that I'm happier than when I was ignoring her and basically mentally torturing her for her sin against me. I actually feel somewhat ashamed of myself for taking satisfaction in her complete despair following the blow up and her excommunication from all family and friends. Still, everything I ask of her to consider R she now does without hesitation. So far.
She told me at that moment in time, yes. She said she definitely had a "maybe the grass is greener" thing going thinking about running away from all her responsibilities and being with a very irresponsible person. She went on to say that now her head is clear and there's no way she'd ever even speak to him again. She said she's completely humiliated that she allowed herself to get involved with such a douche but that she was panicking when she turned 45 and he just happened to be available and not me.
Another thing she told me from her therapy session is that the shrink told her that her feelings for him may have not been real but her own biology betraying her. She said that when women have repeated sex with a man that a chemical process kicks off in them that makes them feel love for the man. WTF is that? So you're saying that if you F a woman enough times she has to love you? Sounds like egghead bullsh*t to me.
Anyway the chat was good. I'm still not healthy enough to even consider her moving back in but she knows that I'm at least willing to begin the long process of R so that made her happy. As those of you who've helped me probably realize I still have a sh*tload of rage in me. I don't think we should move too fast until I deal with that.
Anyone reading this and wanting to know my story it's on another thread but here's the cliff notes. Met at 18, married at 19, perfect marriage for for 26 years, 3 kids, then supposedly a midlife crisis overwhelms my beautiful perfect wife at age 45 and she ends up in a full-on affair with one of her good friend's husbands. A couple that were good friends of ours. Now all families' lives are in shambles. The OMW divorced him and he's gone off in another state. My wife is in purgatory (a small apartment I rented for her when I kicked her out), our children still won't speak to her and it's been two years since d-day. She had to quit her job because it was a pretty conservative business and she being a "slvt" was the talk of the office. She didn't confide the affair to me, I had to find out from OMW with irrefutable proof and wife lied every step of the way only admitting to what we had proof of. Since then she has given me full disclosure, every horrific detail. She al so found out that she meant nothing to the OM other than being a piece of ass. Now she says the therapy has helped her recognize it for what it was and that she begs me for a 2nd chance. I still replay mental movies a thousand times a day and still can't understand why this happened when she keeps insisting that it had nothing to do with me and was just about her and her "overwhelming panic after turning 45 and wondering if there was more out there."
That's about the only update but it was a decent day. I have to admit that I'm happier than when I was ignoring her and basically mentally torturing her for her sin against me. I actually feel somewhat ashamed of myself for taking satisfaction in her complete despair following the blow up and her excommunication from all family and friends. Still, everything I ask of her to consider R she now does without hesitation. So far.
Put the internet to work for you.
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