This essay addresses validation from an alternative perspective, how it is beneficial, and how can be achieved through physical intimacy. Validation can also be described as a sensation of "completeness," and there are two things necessary to keep in mind about validation. Firstly, all of us want it to some extent and – without exception – it is a fundamental desire that is built into the human psyche. The second is that if you are not experiencing validation, then you are experiencing a lack of validation (i.e. there is no middle ground.) It is avery powerful force and is often misunderstood. Experiences that promote validation are bound by rules; there is a series of simple steps you can take to experience it on a consistent basis, all by releasing different chemicals in the brain. Validation can then be used as a powerful motivator – as a means of leading you to greater things in life, and not as an end in and of itself.
Not to say that you cannot feel validation without sex. You most certainly can – such as by setting lofty goals and progressing towards them. It doesn't even matter if the goal is at work or in the gym. If you determine your goal is to bench 400lbs, and you reach that goal, no doubt it will be a validating experience. However, I think we often forget or do not realize how strong the chemicals and psychology are during physical intimacy. Having an attractive woman (objectively "high status" partner) tightly hug you sends an implicit, yet clear-as-day message: "You know what, anon? You're pretty cool. I like you. I approve of you." The corresponding release of hormones and other chemicals is something that, outside of physical intimacy, only drugs are capable of soliciting.
Ever fooled around in bed for four hours straight with an 8 or a 9? Some would describe it as a "magical" experience (which describes it accurately), but in reality is summarized by a handful of chemicals. What you experience are high levels of oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone (to name just a few.) These are powerful chemicals, which in plentiful amounts are enjoyable and beneficial, and in scarce amounts will wreak havoc on every part of your life. Your most primal of instincts focus on two things alone: self-preservation and reproduction. By not eating, your reptilian brain punishes you with hunger and associated ailments such as high stress. Cater to the reptilian brain's desires, and it will reward you. During an orgasm, serotonin levels will skyrocket, which will put you in a better mood. You will go from feeling sad to feeling not only happier, but also healthier. You will experience elation and with it, the fleeting sensation we describe as "validation."
Physical intimacy is an extremely sharp tool, and just like all tools; you can make it work both for you and against you. For example, it is acceptable to set standards high, but be careful to not set them too high. It's easy to use that as an excuse to not meet any girl for drinks that isn't at least an 8. This is bad for three reasons:
- You deny yourself physical intimacy, let alone at the frequency you desire it
- You set yourself up for brutal oneitis when you do manage to hook up with a girl that passes your criteria, and finally
- You are likely using high standards to dismiss your fear of being unable to achieve something as low as a 6.
Another thing to be cognizant of: through physical intimacy you will naturally feel compelled to emotional intimacy. In marriage/LTR scenarios this is sometimes beneficial, though highly undesirable if the woman exploits it to override the man's boundaries (something we read about all the time.) However, if you are here to exploit the evolution of sexual reproduction as a means to enrich your life, you must learn to control these impulses. Treat sex like a potent medication – self-control must be exercised with it, or serious consequences may occur (oneitis, or worse, STDs).
To summarize, sex (and physical intimacy in general), just like a drug, solicits physiological responses that make you feel like the ultimate badass, capable of doing whatever he puts his mind to. Having a woman hold you after an intense session of babymaking is an experience to which few others compare. The trick is to use this to your advantage. Does law school or a medical residency sound hard to you? It would sound a hell of a lot easier if you knew you'd be getting laid three times a week by 9's and 10's. Truth be told – if you have looks and game, women will jump all over you when you tell them you'll be a heart surgeon in a few years. Use validation to motivate yourself – use it to get what you want out of life.
Put the internet to work for you.
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