Thank you all in advance for listening to me. I'm so happy I found this forum, since I have felt so alone for years.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 boys. We met mountain biking, and at that time DH was a workout fiend and loved(or so I thought) being active. Since that time, he has gained 150 lbs and has admitted to me he never really liked being active. One of the main reasons I fell in love was I thought I would be spending my life with someone who loves the outdoors, exercising, biking, and other activities.
My husband is my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him. He makes me laugh and he's a good man and father. But I feel absolutely no attraction toward him, and that has been going on since before our kids. I know part of it his weight. We talk about it all of the time. He goes on and off diets, but never really loses much. It's like he let himself go after we married. And the fact that he's not active also contributes to the way I feel. I've mentioned to him exercising together, but he doesn't want to. Even if he managed to lose weight I don't know if I would be attracted to him. I think about this constantly and I'm so mad at myself. I don't want to hurt him, so instead I stick my head in the sand and ignore the problem. We rarely have sex. If he does initiate it, I'll go along with it but I just pretend like I'm enjoying myself. It feels so uncomfortable trying to pretend; it's like I'm being intimate with a friend that I have no interest in.
I just don't know what to do. Because we have kids, I'm afraid of what will happen if we divorced. I also know our relationship will change, and I care for him so much. Sometimes I'm worried that I just stay because I'm afraid I'll be old and alone. At the same time, the thought of never having passion again depresses me. And my husband deserves someone who thinks he's attractive.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 boys. We met mountain biking, and at that time DH was a workout fiend and loved(or so I thought) being active. Since that time, he has gained 150 lbs and has admitted to me he never really liked being active. One of the main reasons I fell in love was I thought I would be spending my life with someone who loves the outdoors, exercising, biking, and other activities.
My husband is my best friend. I can't imagine my life without him. He makes me laugh and he's a good man and father. But I feel absolutely no attraction toward him, and that has been going on since before our kids. I know part of it his weight. We talk about it all of the time. He goes on and off diets, but never really loses much. It's like he let himself go after we married. And the fact that he's not active also contributes to the way I feel. I've mentioned to him exercising together, but he doesn't want to. Even if he managed to lose weight I don't know if I would be attracted to him. I think about this constantly and I'm so mad at myself. I don't want to hurt him, so instead I stick my head in the sand and ignore the problem. We rarely have sex. If he does initiate it, I'll go along with it but I just pretend like I'm enjoying myself. It feels so uncomfortable trying to pretend; it's like I'm being intimate with a friend that I have no interest in.
I just don't know what to do. Because we have kids, I'm afraid of what will happen if we divorced. I also know our relationship will change, and I care for him so much. Sometimes I'm worried that I just stay because I'm afraid I'll be old and alone. At the same time, the thought of never having passion again depresses me. And my husband deserves someone who thinks he's attractive.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
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