Hello there,
I am 29 yo, married for 2,5 years. My husband is older than me (I'm his second marriage). He is HD, I am LD. Or I would say I was a ND - no drive. But I realised it only recently.
I cannot really explain it properly, but I just wasn't bothered with sex ever in my life - I didn't have that physical need for it, and I honestly thought that no one does have the NEED for it - people just exaggerate. I am good-looking, slender, fit, and wearing Agent Provocateur on daily basis. I never had an orgasm with a man (first I was faking it, then I started honestly saying it, cause I did get pleasant feelings out of sex anyway, just not an orgasm). And yes, I can have an orgasm when masturbating. I am also an OCD. For me a suggestion of having sex was always like equal to suggesting to wash the floors or any other type of house work, with the only difference that if I do wash the floors from time to time in real life, then for sex I never seemed to have the proper time, I was always busy with something else. I mean, for me to have sex was OK, but it will distract me from what I was doing, so I would have to stop doing what I was doing and start messing about. That was my idea of what sex is. But I honestly thought that it is pretty same for everybody (including most men, including my husband). Even though I heard all the time from all sides about human's NEED for sex. I didn't have the need so I didn't believe it.
To keep the story short, now I want to fix my marriage. By now we have been in the "dry" season for about a year (with about 3-4 episodes of sex, but those were more like exceptions, non-systematic). For me it was nothing major - I still felt loved and happy. And I thought it was mutual. But my husband - like many men here I suppose - went through that decline from "I want sex" to "I don't want to be bothered any more". So when we passed that stage I actually felt sort of relieved - I wash't asked to "wash the floors" every night. But I thought that it was not a big deal for my husband either. I was wrong.
I want to fix it. I want to make my husband happy. And it's not that I was strongly against sex - I do get my pleasure out of it, I just didn't think it was of that importance for him, for us.
Anyway. I have already started - so you can count that we had some rain in our dessert last night. But it doesn't seem to be so easy to resume the normal sex life even when the "guilty" one is trying. To just have that "rain" in our dessert last night I had to spend 3 days chasing my husband (I don't complain, cause obviously he chased me much longer when I didn't care) with suggestions. For example, we got some cherry pie for Xmas and whipped cream, and I was sitting on our bed in a robe saying "what would you say to having the cake in bed, then you could put some whipped cream on me and..". You know what he replied? He was standing there looking very seriously in the ceiling and finally SERIOUSLY said: "I don't want to have the pie in bed - there will be crumbs afterwards". He seemed to not even hear the whipped-cream-and-me bit. That only added to my decision to fix it - cause seriously, that is NOT what I want a man to think about when I am anywhere near him.
So. Further it will be easier to put things to articles, as I have questions to you regarding every of these points:
1. Next dat I did confess to him that I didn't realise before how bad I was to him and that I want to fix it. The effect was similar to the cherry pie story - he just smiled at me and said "oh that's nice dear". He didn't believe me, right? Do you think it's a normal/ expected reaction from a man in his situation? I mean I didn't expect him to jump to the ceiling of course, but it was such a big step for me to realise and actually admit I was wrong, so I was expecting something more than just "that's nice"..
2. Another issue is that after that "that's nice" nothing followed from him - he just kept watching the telly. I had to initialise it 2 more times before the thing actually happened. Did he lost the interest in me? Am I not attractive to him any more? I know I am attractive by social standards, and he says he still loves me, so is it just a sort of a "shock effect" or what?
3. When we were actually into one - sorry for so much detail - at some point he went "off", so I had to stimulate him manually for quite long. Before the drought it never happened. When we had our accidental sex episodes throughout the dry year - that's when it started happening. Does he have someone else? Or probably he masturbated in the day and didn't expect me to jump on him so that's why it was difficult?..
Please comment.
I am 29 yo, married for 2,5 years. My husband is older than me (I'm his second marriage). He is HD, I am LD. Or I would say I was a ND - no drive. But I realised it only recently.
I cannot really explain it properly, but I just wasn't bothered with sex ever in my life - I didn't have that physical need for it, and I honestly thought that no one does have the NEED for it - people just exaggerate. I am good-looking, slender, fit, and wearing Agent Provocateur on daily basis. I never had an orgasm with a man (first I was faking it, then I started honestly saying it, cause I did get pleasant feelings out of sex anyway, just not an orgasm). And yes, I can have an orgasm when masturbating. I am also an OCD. For me a suggestion of having sex was always like equal to suggesting to wash the floors or any other type of house work, with the only difference that if I do wash the floors from time to time in real life, then for sex I never seemed to have the proper time, I was always busy with something else. I mean, for me to have sex was OK, but it will distract me from what I was doing, so I would have to stop doing what I was doing and start messing about. That was my idea of what sex is. But I honestly thought that it is pretty same for everybody (including most men, including my husband). Even though I heard all the time from all sides about human's NEED for sex. I didn't have the need so I didn't believe it.
To keep the story short, now I want to fix my marriage. By now we have been in the "dry" season for about a year (with about 3-4 episodes of sex, but those were more like exceptions, non-systematic). For me it was nothing major - I still felt loved and happy. And I thought it was mutual. But my husband - like many men here I suppose - went through that decline from "I want sex" to "I don't want to be bothered any more". So when we passed that stage I actually felt sort of relieved - I wash't asked to "wash the floors" every night. But I thought that it was not a big deal for my husband either. I was wrong.
I want to fix it. I want to make my husband happy. And it's not that I was strongly against sex - I do get my pleasure out of it, I just didn't think it was of that importance for him, for us.
Anyway. I have already started - so you can count that we had some rain in our dessert last night. But it doesn't seem to be so easy to resume the normal sex life even when the "guilty" one is trying. To just have that "rain" in our dessert last night I had to spend 3 days chasing my husband (I don't complain, cause obviously he chased me much longer when I didn't care) with suggestions. For example, we got some cherry pie for Xmas and whipped cream, and I was sitting on our bed in a robe saying "what would you say to having the cake in bed, then you could put some whipped cream on me and..". You know what he replied? He was standing there looking very seriously in the ceiling and finally SERIOUSLY said: "I don't want to have the pie in bed - there will be crumbs afterwards". He seemed to not even hear the whipped-cream-and-me bit. That only added to my decision to fix it - cause seriously, that is NOT what I want a man to think about when I am anywhere near him.
So. Further it will be easier to put things to articles, as I have questions to you regarding every of these points:
1. Next dat I did confess to him that I didn't realise before how bad I was to him and that I want to fix it. The effect was similar to the cherry pie story - he just smiled at me and said "oh that's nice dear". He didn't believe me, right? Do you think it's a normal/ expected reaction from a man in his situation? I mean I didn't expect him to jump to the ceiling of course, but it was such a big step for me to realise and actually admit I was wrong, so I was expecting something more than just "that's nice"..
2. Another issue is that after that "that's nice" nothing followed from him - he just kept watching the telly. I had to initialise it 2 more times before the thing actually happened. Did he lost the interest in me? Am I not attractive to him any more? I know I am attractive by social standards, and he says he still loves me, so is it just a sort of a "shock effect" or what?
3. When we were actually into one - sorry for so much detail - at some point he went "off", so I had to stimulate him manually for quite long. Before the drought it never happened. When we had our accidental sex episodes throughout the dry year - that's when it started happening. Does he have someone else? Or probably he masturbated in the day and didn't expect me to jump on him so that's why it was difficult?..
Please comment.
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