Really just my mom. She's a nice and well intentioned person - generally a good mom though under-informed as a parent (if you are detecting undertones of resentment, it is because i am an only child and my parents did very little to expose me to the world, and I had to socially adapt largely on my own).
She is youngest of three, upper middle class, family drinks a lot. Her family is very close; I have 4 cousins on that side but not close with any. I'm not close the her side of the family at all - they are judgmental but don't know it, very offputting to new people, stubborn, and I generally find them boring. They don;t really do...anything.... except drink wine and talk about books and cats. Which my mom loves.
My mom also has very few friends - I would say in general she expects the world to come to her and makes no effort to be social or engage her community or peers. To sum her up, I picture a pie chart that is 6 inches in diameter, and broken up into 4 roughly equal segments: her husband/my dad, her immediate family, myself and my wife, and reading books. That represents her life, where nearly everyone else I know would have pie charts 5 feet wide with a dozen or more segments of varying sizes. She just doesn't have a lot going on, isn't socially adaptable, and very stubborn and set in her ways.
My dad and I have related better and better as I age and get farther into life, we find we have more things to relate to each other on. Opposite for my mom as we have never related much on any one topic, but she spoiled me as a kid and often threw my dad under the bus, and I could manipulate her to get what I wanted.
I'll skip to the issue now since this is getting too long. Basically, I love my wife and her extended family, and my dad and his extended family. We are very genuinely involved with all of them. My mom drives me nuts, and she is hurt that I don;t get along with her family.
Question: How do you effectively tell your birth mother who raised you that is still married to your birth father who raised you that I simply do not share her values in life?
Catalyst: My wife is 8 weeks pregnant - we are very happy - but I am overcome with apprehension for telling my mom, because I fear the inundation of attention, unsolicited advice to me and my wife (who understandably does not like her, though she is too oblivious to notice) and who knows what kind of family obligations to her extended family that may or may not show up that I simply don't really care for.
Disclaimer: I know I am being harsh towards my mother, and she did a generally good job raising me, I am aware that I should consider myself lucky for the upbringing I had. I put forth a ton of mental energy to communicate effectively with my wife, so I really don't have a lot of patience or bandwidth to be anything less than direct and honest with others around me.
Thanks in advance! Really curious to hear if others have had this version of "in-law issues"
She is youngest of three, upper middle class, family drinks a lot. Her family is very close; I have 4 cousins on that side but not close with any. I'm not close the her side of the family at all - they are judgmental but don't know it, very offputting to new people, stubborn, and I generally find them boring. They don;t really do...anything.... except drink wine and talk about books and cats. Which my mom loves.
My mom also has very few friends - I would say in general she expects the world to come to her and makes no effort to be social or engage her community or peers. To sum her up, I picture a pie chart that is 6 inches in diameter, and broken up into 4 roughly equal segments: her husband/my dad, her immediate family, myself and my wife, and reading books. That represents her life, where nearly everyone else I know would have pie charts 5 feet wide with a dozen or more segments of varying sizes. She just doesn't have a lot going on, isn't socially adaptable, and very stubborn and set in her ways.
My dad and I have related better and better as I age and get farther into life, we find we have more things to relate to each other on. Opposite for my mom as we have never related much on any one topic, but she spoiled me as a kid and often threw my dad under the bus, and I could manipulate her to get what I wanted.
I'll skip to the issue now since this is getting too long. Basically, I love my wife and her extended family, and my dad and his extended family. We are very genuinely involved with all of them. My mom drives me nuts, and she is hurt that I don;t get along with her family.
Question: How do you effectively tell your birth mother who raised you that is still married to your birth father who raised you that I simply do not share her values in life?
Catalyst: My wife is 8 weeks pregnant - we are very happy - but I am overcome with apprehension for telling my mom, because I fear the inundation of attention, unsolicited advice to me and my wife (who understandably does not like her, though she is too oblivious to notice) and who knows what kind of family obligations to her extended family that may or may not show up that I simply don't really care for.
Disclaimer: I know I am being harsh towards my mother, and she did a generally good job raising me, I am aware that I should consider myself lucky for the upbringing I had. I put forth a ton of mental energy to communicate effectively with my wife, so I really don't have a lot of patience or bandwidth to be anything less than direct and honest with others around me.
Thanks in advance! Really curious to hear if others have had this version of "in-law issues"
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