First dance

I went to the Union Summer Social tonight. I was asked to dance by a woman I never met. I said "yes." I had mixed mixed emotions. I felt afraid, ashamed, and that the only way I could cover that up is by talking and asking questions. I was unsure of where to put my hands, how close to be with her, and even if I wanted to dance with anyone. After the song ended, I felt relieved and unsure of what to do next. I found a "safe" person to hang with. He was hanging with another couple and I felt like I did not fit in with that. This "safe person" said twice that I have to reciprocate and ask that same woman to dance. I got scared and made an excuse to leave. Now I feel ashamed for leaving and not asking her to dance with me. Mixed emotions. Does my emotions have any connection with the divorce? I know D and I are done. I think a hang up I have is whether or not dancing with her would lead to anything else. Another hang up is what others at work mi ght say. I was also thinking that I did not want to be up late since I am tired and helping a friend move tomorrow. But, maybe that is just an excuse to not deal with my feelings at the time.

I guess I can say that I danced with someone even if I fell apart with that. I learned I still have many hangups about connecting with another woman.

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