Hello,
I'm a newbie so please forgive me. This section seems to be the most appropriate given my situation. For you non-Seinfeld fans, This = friendship, That = sex, and The Other = love. My husband and I are best friends who deeply love each other so we have lots of this and the other, but we've been missing 'that' for years. (When we had sex early in our relationship, it was mostly fantastic.)
We've been together eleven years and married almost eight years, but our sex life changed right after he proposed. We had a short engagement so I ignored the problem (mistake!). Anyway, he started having problems maintaining an erection during sex--not all the time, but it gradually worsened over the years. We did not discuss this problem for five years even though we both acknowledged that we wanted to improve our sex life.
For the past three years, we have/he has:
-seen multiple therapists, separately and together, including an MFT, a psychiatrist, and now my husband sees a psychologist on his own.
-read more books and done more exercises than I care to count.
-seen two of the top urologists in the country. He's been diagnosed with Peyronie's Disease, but he doesn't have all of the symptoms and it doesn't necessarily explain his ED.
-taken every ED drug on/off the market. EVERY one. I swear--in almost every combination possible.
-taken every supplement, tried every diet, changed his workout, you name it, my husband has probably tried it.
I'm glad he is seeing a therapist he really likes now (he dumped his previous two) because I still feel there is a psychological component to his problem even though a physiological/biological component exists too. The last time we tried to have sex (i.e., I felt his erection was at least 90 percent or more after much foreplay), he lost it immediately upon entering me. I was humiliated. I burst into tears and do not want to repeat that experience again. I simply don't. I know it's not me, and I know I shouldn't base my self-esteem on my husband's sexual attraction to me, but it's hard not to take it personally. Men hit on me all the time, but the one man I want cannot fulfill me.
BTW, we are both in our 40s, attractive and in good physical shape. My husband is not looking at porn, and I don't worry about him with other women. We have not had a successful sexual experience in over a year.
Though our terrible sex life is the worst problem in our marriage, there have been other issues that we have/are working out. He was selfish for many years and put his own needs--including hobbies and an ex-girlfriend--before me and our marriage. Though I will never forget the awful things he has said to me (he doesn't fight fair), I will forgive/have forgiven him.
But I don't see how I can live the second half of my life without sex. I've had a high sex drive most of my life. Sex is such a natural, beautiful way to connect with another person. Without it, a terrible emptiness exists, a chasm between husband and wife. I know so many people in sexless marriages and I never thought I would be one of those people ...
Every divorced person I know, well, it was obvious. The spouse walked out or he/she was abusive, an addict, an alcoholic, etc. Our immediate families (I love my in-laws; they love me) know we are struggling and of course, no one wants us to give up. They do not know why we are having problems.
My husband and I are both stubborn, persistent people who don't give up easily on anything. So I ask you--how do you know when to quit?
Thank you in advance for reading, for understanding, and for your advice.
~YG
P.S. We do not have children. Just pets.
I'm a newbie so please forgive me. This section seems to be the most appropriate given my situation. For you non-Seinfeld fans, This = friendship, That = sex, and The Other = love. My husband and I are best friends who deeply love each other so we have lots of this and the other, but we've been missing 'that' for years. (When we had sex early in our relationship, it was mostly fantastic.)
We've been together eleven years and married almost eight years, but our sex life changed right after he proposed. We had a short engagement so I ignored the problem (mistake!). Anyway, he started having problems maintaining an erection during sex--not all the time, but it gradually worsened over the years. We did not discuss this problem for five years even though we both acknowledged that we wanted to improve our sex life.
For the past three years, we have/he has:
-seen multiple therapists, separately and together, including an MFT, a psychiatrist, and now my husband sees a psychologist on his own.
-read more books and done more exercises than I care to count.
-seen two of the top urologists in the country. He's been diagnosed with Peyronie's Disease, but he doesn't have all of the symptoms and it doesn't necessarily explain his ED.
-taken every ED drug on/off the market. EVERY one. I swear--in almost every combination possible.
-taken every supplement, tried every diet, changed his workout, you name it, my husband has probably tried it.
I'm glad he is seeing a therapist he really likes now (he dumped his previous two) because I still feel there is a psychological component to his problem even though a physiological/biological component exists too. The last time we tried to have sex (i.e., I felt his erection was at least 90 percent or more after much foreplay), he lost it immediately upon entering me. I was humiliated. I burst into tears and do not want to repeat that experience again. I simply don't. I know it's not me, and I know I shouldn't base my self-esteem on my husband's sexual attraction to me, but it's hard not to take it personally. Men hit on me all the time, but the one man I want cannot fulfill me.
BTW, we are both in our 40s, attractive and in good physical shape. My husband is not looking at porn, and I don't worry about him with other women. We have not had a successful sexual experience in over a year.
Though our terrible sex life is the worst problem in our marriage, there have been other issues that we have/are working out. He was selfish for many years and put his own needs--including hobbies and an ex-girlfriend--before me and our marriage. Though I will never forget the awful things he has said to me (he doesn't fight fair), I will forgive/have forgiven him.
But I don't see how I can live the second half of my life without sex. I've had a high sex drive most of my life. Sex is such a natural, beautiful way to connect with another person. Without it, a terrible emptiness exists, a chasm between husband and wife. I know so many people in sexless marriages and I never thought I would be one of those people ...
Every divorced person I know, well, it was obvious. The spouse walked out or he/she was abusive, an addict, an alcoholic, etc. Our immediate families (I love my in-laws; they love me) know we are struggling and of course, no one wants us to give up. They do not know why we are having problems.
My husband and I are both stubborn, persistent people who don't give up easily on anything. So I ask you--how do you know when to quit?
Thank you in advance for reading, for understanding, and for your advice.
~YG
P.S. We do not have children. Just pets.
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