Hi, I'm new here, but am struggling with quite a dilemma. This all took place last week except the pay stub, which was the week before. I am looking at how others would deal with this. Since it's happened three times now, and there's no relationship left between us, and no relationship between our son and him, I feel like it's time to just let go.
I just would like some feedback on my life. Been married for 14 years, known him for 21. We have a 12 year old son. DH has changed a lot in the last few years, and we have NO relationship. We don't even sleep in the same room together anymore. And, for some reason I can't figure out (and he won't tell me), he has no connection with our son at all. I can't get him to go out and do things with him, I can't get him to go out and do things with BOTH of us. He sits in front of the TV, the laptop, or both. He's a hard worker. Yes he is. But he just never bonded with our son. Which surprises me because he is SOOO family oriented. He and his dad are SO close. I did my research before choosing him to marry. He was great with his nephew, friends' kids, and the fact that he is so close to his own family....it was perfect!
Anyway, he's become sneaky. I don't believe at all that he's having an affair, or into porn (I may be naive) but, like, last fall, he decided to order a $4,000 TV and stand, on his own, putting it on a credit card, even though we had discussed it and decided it wasn't something we could do. He wanted this great big 60"....our 40" isn't good enough. He just texted me one day and said "oh, by the way, new TV coming on Friday." I laid into him and he canceled the order. He did something similar before this...years before.
Trying to keep this short. Couple weeks ago he asked for my pay stub. They are electronic, so not laying around. I was uneasy about it, and asked why. I questioned him several times about it. Every single time he looked me square in the eye and said he just wanted to compare our taxes taken out, that he forgot how we had it set up, etc. I didn't go for it. He DOESN'T forget stuff. I printed out my paystub, but hid it in my room. He went down snooping one day and found it, because it was gone. Last week, Tuesday, I get home from work and a loan officer called from the CU. He said he needed more information before the loan closing on Thursday. I of course said WHAT LOAN? He was, behind my back, taking out a loan for a skid loader. (man toy!) Sure, we could use one, but we talked about that, too. We have DEBT, and we don't HAVE the money to have a payment on a loan. I don't know how he was going to tell me, or if he planned to forge my name, but I told the loan guy I was NOT sig ning it. I told DH too later when I talked to him, I said I'm NOT signing. Another scary thing is, he listed assets for that loan that were "ours," but they are not. They belong to my family. They are not ours at all. That's FRAUD.
So, completely lying to my face. Like it was nothing. This is the third time something like this has happened, although this is the worst. If he had a relationship with our son at all I'd try to make it work, but at this point, I told him I can no longer trust him again, and without trust, what is there?
So that happened Tuesday. Wednesday, he was butt kissing, but never brought "the issue" up. Thursday I got flowers at work. First time in 21 years he's ever done that. And he said "I still love you" on the card. Words he doesn't say. He knows he's screwed if I kick him out, so the flowers were not well received. I just bawled at work. And I refused to take them home.
I'm waiting for HIM to approach me and explain himself (again). But it's not happening. As far as I feel, our marriage is on the outs.
I just would like some feedback on my life. Been married for 14 years, known him for 21. We have a 12 year old son. DH has changed a lot in the last few years, and we have NO relationship. We don't even sleep in the same room together anymore. And, for some reason I can't figure out (and he won't tell me), he has no connection with our son at all. I can't get him to go out and do things with him, I can't get him to go out and do things with BOTH of us. He sits in front of the TV, the laptop, or both. He's a hard worker. Yes he is. But he just never bonded with our son. Which surprises me because he is SOOO family oriented. He and his dad are SO close. I did my research before choosing him to marry. He was great with his nephew, friends' kids, and the fact that he is so close to his own family....it was perfect!
Anyway, he's become sneaky. I don't believe at all that he's having an affair, or into porn (I may be naive) but, like, last fall, he decided to order a $4,000 TV and stand, on his own, putting it on a credit card, even though we had discussed it and decided it wasn't something we could do. He wanted this great big 60"....our 40" isn't good enough. He just texted me one day and said "oh, by the way, new TV coming on Friday." I laid into him and he canceled the order. He did something similar before this...years before.
Trying to keep this short. Couple weeks ago he asked for my pay stub. They are electronic, so not laying around. I was uneasy about it, and asked why. I questioned him several times about it. Every single time he looked me square in the eye and said he just wanted to compare our taxes taken out, that he forgot how we had it set up, etc. I didn't go for it. He DOESN'T forget stuff. I printed out my paystub, but hid it in my room. He went down snooping one day and found it, because it was gone. Last week, Tuesday, I get home from work and a loan officer called from the CU. He said he needed more information before the loan closing on Thursday. I of course said WHAT LOAN? He was, behind my back, taking out a loan for a skid loader. (man toy!) Sure, we could use one, but we talked about that, too. We have DEBT, and we don't HAVE the money to have a payment on a loan. I don't know how he was going to tell me, or if he planned to forge my name, but I told the loan guy I was NOT sig ning it. I told DH too later when I talked to him, I said I'm NOT signing. Another scary thing is, he listed assets for that loan that were "ours," but they are not. They belong to my family. They are not ours at all. That's FRAUD.
So, completely lying to my face. Like it was nothing. This is the third time something like this has happened, although this is the worst. If he had a relationship with our son at all I'd try to make it work, but at this point, I told him I can no longer trust him again, and without trust, what is there?
So that happened Tuesday. Wednesday, he was butt kissing, but never brought "the issue" up. Thursday I got flowers at work. First time in 21 years he's ever done that. And he said "I still love you" on the card. Words he doesn't say. He knows he's screwed if I kick him out, so the flowers were not well received. I just bawled at work. And I refused to take them home.
I'm waiting for HIM to approach me and explain himself (again). But it's not happening. As far as I feel, our marriage is on the outs.
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