I thought I was doing so well. I was doing my 180, firm nc. Have been living in my own home for about a month. Work was getting better. I hadn't spoken to my stbx in about a month, as well. It had been weeks since I cried in public. I have been working on myself. I was at a point where I was 98% sure that I wanted the divorce, amd that I could move on.
The roller coaster seemed to be slowing down. I was even starting to think, maybe I'm not a penguin. Maybe I am not mated for life, and can love again... or at least be interested in someone else.
Then my wedding anniversary came. Apparently I decided to torture myself as a gift. My stbx and I met for breakfast. We had a long talk about what went down between us. About his life with the OW. He seemed... I don't know. He kept telling me what a huge mistake he had made. That he was sorry. Seemed like he was himself again.
That day was fine. But it apparently opened a floodgate. NC went out the window. We have been texting daily ever since. I have also been playing the "what if" game ever since. And am back to fighting tears in public. Back to that toxic hope that things could still work out. Obsessing about how that hug goodbye felt.
Posted via Mobile Device
The roller coaster seemed to be slowing down. I was even starting to think, maybe I'm not a penguin. Maybe I am not mated for life, and can love again... or at least be interested in someone else.
Then my wedding anniversary came. Apparently I decided to torture myself as a gift. My stbx and I met for breakfast. We had a long talk about what went down between us. About his life with the OW. He seemed... I don't know. He kept telling me what a huge mistake he had made. That he was sorry. Seemed like he was himself again.
That day was fine. But it apparently opened a floodgate. NC went out the window. We have been texting daily ever since. I have also been playing the "what if" game ever since. And am back to fighting tears in public. Back to that toxic hope that things could still work out. Obsessing about how that hug goodbye felt.
Posted via Mobile Device
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment