So. I have been thinking about just one comparison of how it feels to have been cheated on.* As the BH there are so many things that run through your head on a daily basis, maybe even hourly or by the minute.* One of the hardest things to deal with us how she could do the things she did and come back to me, tell me she loved me and even go as far as make love to me. They had the choice.* They knew what they were doing. He chose to share a woman with another man. She chose to share herself with two men.* I have been trying to think of how to explain to my wife what this would be like. Of course this only covers one very minor part of it. But here I go, as this is the best I could come up with for a psychological aspect of just one thing she did during her six month affair.
Think about your tooth brush.* You only have one.* Now imagine that it is the best youth brush you have ever had maybe even the only one.* Ignore the fact that you are supposed to get a new one every three months. You love it.* It's the best brush in town.* It's the only one you will ever use.* You will never buy another. This will be the one you take to the grave with you.* So every morning you brush your teeth.* And your spouse is there with you.* She is brushing her teeth next to you. Over time the brush begins to fade.* It gets older and worn but it still works great. It's still the best you have ever had and any suggestion of getting a new one is quickly dismissed.* Suddenly though you notice a funny taste, a discolored tone to it.* You ignore it and still use it, after all it's old faithful, and it still brushes good.* Then one day your wife comes to you and says "I've been using your tooth brush to clean the public restrooms in central park". Oh wait!* "For the last si x months"
So.* Your wife, of fourteen years, has sat there and watched you brush your teeth with something that has been used to clean toilets and scrub floors in a public restroom.* She sat there, said nothing, watched you do it, day after day after day and said nothing. It wasn't a high school prank.* It wasn't kids being kids.* Or best friends screwing with each other.* It was your wife.* The one you trust to watch out for you.
But see this is only the beginning.* Now you have to make a decision.* Do you keep that tooth brush? You know you will never be able to replace it.* But at the same time you know where it's been, you know what it's been used for.* It's tainted.* It still works, it still is the best you have ever had and you will never find another like it.* And here is where the psychological part comes in. This is where it haunts you.* If you choose to keep it.* Every time you pick it up to put it in your mouth you think about where it was.* You think about what it was used for.* You think about what it did.* You can clean it.* You can restore it to its former glory.* But you will always know where it's been. You will always hesitate before you put it in your mouth. You will always fight back the thoughts of how abhorrent it truly is. But you know it's clean. You know it's not going to harm you any more.* But it doesn't matter.* Your mind plays with you.* It tells you what it did. It tells y ou where it's been.* It forms pictures, and scenes.* It relates the tooth brush to licking the urinal.* It relates it to filth and disease.* But at the same time you know it's all in your head.* You cleaned it. You guard it closely.* But the thoughts are always there.* The images never go away. They torment you. They taunt you. Every time you look at it you are reminded.
So. This is one aspect of one thing my wife did in a six month affair.* She gave him oral sex.* Every time I kiss her. Every time I look at her. I have to fight my mind. I have to fight through and try to forget not only what I did put in my mouth, but what I still am.* Even though now it may be clean the mind plays games. The mind throws up warnings. It relates the brush to danger. And I have to fight through, I have to reason through that it is ok, that the danger is no longer real.
This is only one aspect of one thing she did. I can't even begin to describe the thoughts and feelings of the fact that she knew what she was doing and allowed me to touch her. There is no way to describe the sense of betrayal, and her knowing where her mouth was and still kissing me afterwards. There are a million and I mean literally a million different aspects to what she did. This only covers one psychological part of one of those aspects.
Think about your tooth brush.* You only have one.* Now imagine that it is the best youth brush you have ever had maybe even the only one.* Ignore the fact that you are supposed to get a new one every three months. You love it.* It's the best brush in town.* It's the only one you will ever use.* You will never buy another. This will be the one you take to the grave with you.* So every morning you brush your teeth.* And your spouse is there with you.* She is brushing her teeth next to you. Over time the brush begins to fade.* It gets older and worn but it still works great. It's still the best you have ever had and any suggestion of getting a new one is quickly dismissed.* Suddenly though you notice a funny taste, a discolored tone to it.* You ignore it and still use it, after all it's old faithful, and it still brushes good.* Then one day your wife comes to you and says "I've been using your tooth brush to clean the public restrooms in central park". Oh wait!* "For the last si x months"
So.* Your wife, of fourteen years, has sat there and watched you brush your teeth with something that has been used to clean toilets and scrub floors in a public restroom.* She sat there, said nothing, watched you do it, day after day after day and said nothing. It wasn't a high school prank.* It wasn't kids being kids.* Or best friends screwing with each other.* It was your wife.* The one you trust to watch out for you.
But see this is only the beginning.* Now you have to make a decision.* Do you keep that tooth brush? You know you will never be able to replace it.* But at the same time you know where it's been, you know what it's been used for.* It's tainted.* It still works, it still is the best you have ever had and you will never find another like it.* And here is where the psychological part comes in. This is where it haunts you.* If you choose to keep it.* Every time you pick it up to put it in your mouth you think about where it was.* You think about what it was used for.* You think about what it did.* You can clean it.* You can restore it to its former glory.* But you will always know where it's been. You will always hesitate before you put it in your mouth. You will always fight back the thoughts of how abhorrent it truly is. But you know it's clean. You know it's not going to harm you any more.* But it doesn't matter.* Your mind plays with you.* It tells you what it did. It tells y ou where it's been.* It forms pictures, and scenes.* It relates the tooth brush to licking the urinal.* It relates it to filth and disease.* But at the same time you know it's all in your head.* You cleaned it. You guard it closely.* But the thoughts are always there.* The images never go away. They torment you. They taunt you. Every time you look at it you are reminded.
So. This is one aspect of one thing my wife did in a six month affair.* She gave him oral sex.* Every time I kiss her. Every time I look at her. I have to fight my mind. I have to fight through and try to forget not only what I did put in my mouth, but what I still am.* Even though now it may be clean the mind plays games. The mind throws up warnings. It relates the brush to danger. And I have to fight through, I have to reason through that it is ok, that the danger is no longer real.
This is only one aspect of one thing she did. I can't even begin to describe the thoughts and feelings of the fact that she knew what she was doing and allowed me to touch her. There is no way to describe the sense of betrayal, and her knowing where her mouth was and still kissing me afterwards. There are a million and I mean literally a million different aspects to what she did. This only covers one psychological part of one of those aspects.
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