I'm trying to understand why I am SO stuck. I have been married for 14 years. We have 2 kids under 8.
I have basically told myself for the past 6 years that my DH is no good and is not the man for me.
We got married very, very young.
But, for some reason, I just can't seem to leave.
I recently started therapy (again) but this time we are working on codependence.
My DH went to therapy when I forced him a few years ago, but hasn't been back since.
Here's where we are at.
I have no physical intimacy with him.
Our relationship is pretty much consumed with him texting me all day complaining about something.
He works (part time) from home. I work nights.
He is always upset about something.
In my recent therapy, I have learned that my DH crosses boundaries a lot and is emotionally abusive when he's got his back up against the wall.
Life is non drama filled if I just keep my mouth shut and just co-habitate. He will be negative and toxic with his text messages
and angry talk radio and I just ignore it.
He has absolutely no plan for how we are going to survive financially. Doesn't want to see a financial planner.
We are broke. He keeps looking to me to make the money and build a side business to give us these big things like a house, pay off our bills, and cars.
We don't have anything but bills. We even lease our house.
The pressure is pretty much on me.
He used to say things to our kids like "when mommy gets that big promotion, we will get that big house on the hill" etc. He has since curbed that language since I told him it was NOT okay. But, the other day I saw on my son's homework, he listed my DH as the parent. Didn't list me. It broke my heart and it's because I work SO much. But, leaving wouldn't change that, it would only make my financial situation worse.
Starting a few years back, I told him that we needed to go to counseling for s*x issues.
He knew I wanted it ..but he said that he was ashamed that he couldn't last very long.
So, he just avoided it.
He would "try" for a few weeks and then we'd fall back to the same trap.
Now, it never happens. I don't initiate and neither does he.
And part of me doesn't want to try because I feel like I will feel close to him again and I want to avoid that.
He's just an angry person, quite often.
And I am often walking around without a wedding ring on (he used the money from mine to pay bills)
I want to cheat. And if I told him..he would try to whip himself back into "trying mode"...and that is just consistently an act. I've seen it too many times to believe it is for real.
I want to believe that he loves me. I think he does in his own way. But, damn if I don't just feel alone.
Not sure what to do. Part of me wishes he would just leave me. It would be easier on me...I think.
I think the better question is WHY can't I get the motivation to leave...
I have basically told myself for the past 6 years that my DH is no good and is not the man for me.
We got married very, very young.
But, for some reason, I just can't seem to leave.
I recently started therapy (again) but this time we are working on codependence.
My DH went to therapy when I forced him a few years ago, but hasn't been back since.
Here's where we are at.
I have no physical intimacy with him.
Our relationship is pretty much consumed with him texting me all day complaining about something.
He works (part time) from home. I work nights.
He is always upset about something.
In my recent therapy, I have learned that my DH crosses boundaries a lot and is emotionally abusive when he's got his back up against the wall.
Life is non drama filled if I just keep my mouth shut and just co-habitate. He will be negative and toxic with his text messages
and angry talk radio and I just ignore it.
He has absolutely no plan for how we are going to survive financially. Doesn't want to see a financial planner.
We are broke. He keeps looking to me to make the money and build a side business to give us these big things like a house, pay off our bills, and cars.
We don't have anything but bills. We even lease our house.
The pressure is pretty much on me.
He used to say things to our kids like "when mommy gets that big promotion, we will get that big house on the hill" etc. He has since curbed that language since I told him it was NOT okay. But, the other day I saw on my son's homework, he listed my DH as the parent. Didn't list me. It broke my heart and it's because I work SO much. But, leaving wouldn't change that, it would only make my financial situation worse.
Starting a few years back, I told him that we needed to go to counseling for s*x issues.
He knew I wanted it ..but he said that he was ashamed that he couldn't last very long.
So, he just avoided it.
He would "try" for a few weeks and then we'd fall back to the same trap.
Now, it never happens. I don't initiate and neither does he.
And part of me doesn't want to try because I feel like I will feel close to him again and I want to avoid that.
He's just an angry person, quite often.
And I am often walking around without a wedding ring on (he used the money from mine to pay bills)
I want to cheat. And if I told him..he would try to whip himself back into "trying mode"...and that is just consistently an act. I've seen it too many times to believe it is for real.
I want to believe that he loves me. I think he does in his own way. But, damn if I don't just feel alone.
Not sure what to do. Part of me wishes he would just leave me. It would be easier on me...I think.
I think the better question is WHY can't I get the motivation to leave...
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