OK this is not a rant, not a question, maybe a muse, something like that.
For the uninitiated, I am 2 years out from having the bomb dropped on me, 18 months separated (wonderfully co-parenting our 2 kids) and basically feeling quite fine.
I am in an interesting phase now. Granted I still have feelings for my WAW, I love her as a person and the mother of our children. I will even admit that I am still somewhat hung-up on her (i.e. have not let her go really in my heart of hearts).
Realizing this, I have decided (being the perfectionist that I am) that I want to understand this to the fullest. I want to know what these feelings of "love" are. Do I really love her and want her back? (not that it's an option), or is it just familiarity speaking, perhaps past shared, but was never really truly deep love? I say deep love because I have no doubt I loved her (as I have no doubt I love her still), but suspect perhaps I did not love her enough. Truly love her. See her fully. Soul mate type of love.
So again why is this important to me? Well, if I love her still and would like her back, but given that is not a possibility, at least I will know where I stand and deal with that. But if I do not love her in that way, and perhaps never did love her "enough", maybe that will make it easier to truly let go.
Anyway, this is what occupies my thoughts these days (well, not fully).
Other than that life is good :)
Peace
For the uninitiated, I am 2 years out from having the bomb dropped on me, 18 months separated (wonderfully co-parenting our 2 kids) and basically feeling quite fine.
I am in an interesting phase now. Granted I still have feelings for my WAW, I love her as a person and the mother of our children. I will even admit that I am still somewhat hung-up on her (i.e. have not let her go really in my heart of hearts).
Realizing this, I have decided (being the perfectionist that I am) that I want to understand this to the fullest. I want to know what these feelings of "love" are. Do I really love her and want her back? (not that it's an option), or is it just familiarity speaking, perhaps past shared, but was never really truly deep love? I say deep love because I have no doubt I loved her (as I have no doubt I love her still), but suspect perhaps I did not love her enough. Truly love her. See her fully. Soul mate type of love.
So again why is this important to me? Well, if I love her still and would like her back, but given that is not a possibility, at least I will know where I stand and deal with that. But if I do not love her in that way, and perhaps never did love her "enough", maybe that will make it easier to truly let go.
Anyway, this is what occupies my thoughts these days (well, not fully).
Other than that life is good :)
Peace
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment