I have been going out with my boyfriend for approximately 5 months, we got together just before Christmas. We are both Christians. I suppose it's fair to say we moved pretty quickly, he was touching me within the first week and in February we had sex for the first time (both our first times). It was planned, we discussed it thoroughly beforehand and we both agreed it was ok to have sex before marriage because we are both in a relationship. So it's not like either of us are sleeping around. We've had sex around 10-15 times since.
Fast forward to earlier this month when we both had a quiet week in uni we booked a weekend away somewhere in a hotel for just us two. Just before we were due to go he tells me he needs to talk, obviously when someone says that you get nervous. He told me he had thought about sex before marriage and he no longer agrees with it because he feels it goes against his faith, and that everytime he does it with me he feels guilty because God created sex for married couples.
Although I respected his choice I have to admit I was extremely disappointed especially because he wanted the weekend away so that we could obviously spend quality time together but so that we could have sex without being disturbed (difficult when we're in Uni because my housemates don't like him, and he commutes from home).
Even though we didn't have sex the weekend away went well.. did all the 'couple-y' things without intimacy. I found it difficult sleeping in the same bed knowing that he didn't want sex. He told me he is ok with foreplay, sleeping in the same bed etc but not intercourse. Which I found really hard to take because it sort of contradicts what he said earlier. Plus for me foreplay just makes me want sex more and even though it feels amazing it's disappointing when it doesn't lead onto sex. To him foreplay includes oral and he says that isn't sex when I think it is. We didn't have any sex foreplay or otherwise during our stay.
It's been almost 2 weeks now and I'm finding it really difficult. We went from having sex regularly to having none at all. I didn't realise how big a deal it was until this. I don't feel as close to him as I was before. I need the intimacy of it to feel that I am connected somehow with him. I blame myself for it because I have really low self esteem anyway related to body image so it took a lot for me to even show myself in front of him. And now it's all taken away. I'm not sure if it's normal to feel like this or whether I'm just being really selfish. Please help :(
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