Howdy from Texas! I am a 44 year old man, together with my 40 year old wife, for 20 years, married for 15 with three children, ages 10, 7 & 5. My wife is extremely intelligent and absolutely gorgeous and I am probably even more crazy about her than I was 20 years ago. Lately, however, she has been depressed and extremely obsessed about her weight. So much so, that it is negatively affecting our relationship. In her profession, she is much older than her peers and thus, feels the pressure of not being as "in shape" as girls 15 years her junior.
What puzzles me is this: I shower her with compliments and do everything I can to boost her self esteem. I do not have eyes for any other woman. My wife is everything to me and I hate to see her like this. My compliments and support, lately seem to have no affect on her. It's as if, she could care less about what I think. In fact, earlier tonight, when I was pointing out how beautiful her eyes were and how polished she is, her response was "yeah, but you're totally in love with me so you're going to think that anyway". I'm not sure she understood how that sounded, but I felt a little kicked in the gut.
Our sex life is rocky at best. She seems to have little desire, but will give it to me if I want it, however it is strictly duty sex on her part. She will not let me touch her tummy, or even look at it for that matter as she is so damned self conscious. during sex, she covers her tummy up to hide it from me. She only has a little bump on her tummy and yet, she hates the way she looks.
I absolutely do not understand it and not sure how to handle it. I told her, "If you were to shower ME with sincere compliments, show ME how attracted you were to me and how you only had eyes for me, I would be so happy, my head would explode. But she doesn't respond to it the way that I know I would, which makes me feel like she does not have the same feelings for me that I do for her. Then, upon analyzing the situation, during my alone time, I think that maybe I am being "too nice"? I am starting to feel like I am emasculating myself a little trying to prop her up, but with no results. It's making me depressed that I cannot help her and that now I am doubting our relationship. I have even had scary thoughts/worries that maybe it is some other man's opinion that she is upset/concerned about and not mine. I'm sort of spinning in the wind with this.
Comments, opinions and advice are greatly appreciated.
What puzzles me is this: I shower her with compliments and do everything I can to boost her self esteem. I do not have eyes for any other woman. My wife is everything to me and I hate to see her like this. My compliments and support, lately seem to have no affect on her. It's as if, she could care less about what I think. In fact, earlier tonight, when I was pointing out how beautiful her eyes were and how polished she is, her response was "yeah, but you're totally in love with me so you're going to think that anyway". I'm not sure she understood how that sounded, but I felt a little kicked in the gut.
Our sex life is rocky at best. She seems to have little desire, but will give it to me if I want it, however it is strictly duty sex on her part. She will not let me touch her tummy, or even look at it for that matter as she is so damned self conscious. during sex, she covers her tummy up to hide it from me. She only has a little bump on her tummy and yet, she hates the way she looks.
I absolutely do not understand it and not sure how to handle it. I told her, "If you were to shower ME with sincere compliments, show ME how attracted you were to me and how you only had eyes for me, I would be so happy, my head would explode. But she doesn't respond to it the way that I know I would, which makes me feel like she does not have the same feelings for me that I do for her. Then, upon analyzing the situation, during my alone time, I think that maybe I am being "too nice"? I am starting to feel like I am emasculating myself a little trying to prop her up, but with no results. It's making me depressed that I cannot help her and that now I am doubting our relationship. I have even had scary thoughts/worries that maybe it is some other man's opinion that she is upset/concerned about and not mine. I'm sort of spinning in the wind with this.
Comments, opinions and advice are greatly appreciated.
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