Hi all. I'm having trouble with my marriage. In between feelings of wanting to leave and a desire to try and give our relationship more time...I sit here and think. I think and think and think, trying to figure things out.
Yesterday I realized something after reading the "What is romantic love?" thread. I had been trying to come up with my own answer to that question and that's when I realized that my H has never asked me anything. I have no memories of him asking anything about me.
When you first meet someone and begin to get to know them you do so by conversing with them and asking them questions about their life/beliefs/opinions etc. At least that's how I am. I did so when I first met H. After meeting his family I asked them lots of questions too, trying to learn about his families history and who is who etc.
You continue this information gathering process with people in your life through out the years, that's how you stay connected to someone. It's also what lets you know how this person is doing, if this persons opinions have changed over the years etc.
H has never asked me about my mom or dad or my siblings. He's never asked me about where I grew up and what life was like for me growing up. He's never asked about my years in high school. If I were to ask him what town I grew up in he wouldn't be able to answer.
This hasn't changed in 20 years. No questions, ever, about anything pertaining to me. He doesn't know what I believe on so many topics. We've had a couple of huge/scary events over the past 5 or so years and he's never asked if I'm OK. He's never asked what I thought about these events. One of these events was a medical event pertaining to me and he never once asked me anything about it. It was a big scare and I'm still experiencing symptoms from it but he has no idea. I stopped mentioning my symptoms a while back because he wouldn't say anything, he just sits there looking at me in silence then turns away or changes the subject. I can take a hint that glaringly obvious, so I stopped talking about it.
I always felt like there was so much missing between us. Something was missing, and I think I've found it.
I know a lot about him and his past and what he thinks of things, I ask. I talk and ask questions whenever I need to understand something or someone. He does not. He knows very little about me, so how can he love me?
When you love someone, what is it about them that you love? If there is all kinds of information about that person that's unknown, both past and present information, then what is it that you love about them? I'm having a very difficult time understanding how love is possible in this situation.
Yesterday I realized something after reading the "What is romantic love?" thread. I had been trying to come up with my own answer to that question and that's when I realized that my H has never asked me anything. I have no memories of him asking anything about me.
When you first meet someone and begin to get to know them you do so by conversing with them and asking them questions about their life/beliefs/opinions etc. At least that's how I am. I did so when I first met H. After meeting his family I asked them lots of questions too, trying to learn about his families history and who is who etc.
You continue this information gathering process with people in your life through out the years, that's how you stay connected to someone. It's also what lets you know how this person is doing, if this persons opinions have changed over the years etc.
H has never asked me about my mom or dad or my siblings. He's never asked me about where I grew up and what life was like for me growing up. He's never asked about my years in high school. If I were to ask him what town I grew up in he wouldn't be able to answer.
This hasn't changed in 20 years. No questions, ever, about anything pertaining to me. He doesn't know what I believe on so many topics. We've had a couple of huge/scary events over the past 5 or so years and he's never asked if I'm OK. He's never asked what I thought about these events. One of these events was a medical event pertaining to me and he never once asked me anything about it. It was a big scare and I'm still experiencing symptoms from it but he has no idea. I stopped mentioning my symptoms a while back because he wouldn't say anything, he just sits there looking at me in silence then turns away or changes the subject. I can take a hint that glaringly obvious, so I stopped talking about it.
I always felt like there was so much missing between us. Something was missing, and I think I've found it.
I know a lot about him and his past and what he thinks of things, I ask. I talk and ask questions whenever I need to understand something or someone. He does not. He knows very little about me, so how can he love me?
When you love someone, what is it about them that you love? If there is all kinds of information about that person that's unknown, both past and present information, then what is it that you love about them? I'm having a very difficult time understanding how love is possible in this situation.
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