I have been a college student and have been engaged for a good several years. We're usually a very good balance and most of the time its cloud nine. But there's one difference between us, one that is pretty obvious. I am a really high achiever in everything I throw myself into. He can flounder a bit on things and still is trying to find his niche career wise. Its never been a bother for me because I know he still works hard, sometimes twice as hard as I do to get somewhere.
The past year he had set backs, paperwork got mixed up, college fees went crazy and he was struggling to find a job. He finally got a temp job that was only supposed to be two weeks. They've now kept him on for 6 months. Its minimum wage but they are lenient with students if they need to leave for paperwork or classes, they treat people well and their hours are flexible. It can be tense some days and other days its good. My family and his family and his friends tend to call me a lot when they notice he isnt really happy or they push him too hard to do things when he just gets off of a 8 or 9 hour shift. I am not sure if they blame me or think I am a horrible girlfriend due to failing at keeping him from his occassionally sour attitude, but, I just play off the tension and continue on. I usually know right away how to "fix" his attitude when he is that stressed and its not too often it happens.
Here's where the issue comes in. I never have had to work a minimum wage job but I do freelance work. Recently I had a really really great offer come up to make money and use the job as a launching pad to a full blown career. Its a big break I have been waiting for and working toward for several years. Meanwhile we are sharing a pc and yeah, that invades space. I try to use it only when he is at work. But today was my first large meeting with people across the country so of course they wanted me to use skype for a conference.
In the middle of it he comes home, he knows I have this planned. I told him everything, I didnt even sleep from happiness. And he kinda came in after work and asked to borrow the chair I was using. I was like ok, I'll go grab a kitchen chair or something. Then he says he would like to not only borrow the chair but sit down relax on it and use his own computer since he was out working all day. His attitude was honestly abrasive and like a verbal slap in my face. I was really shocked and it took everything in me to remain professional. I ignored the request for a few minutes until there was a break in the meeting's discussion to excuse myself from the call. I ended up using a laptop that kept disconnecting me for the rest of the business meeting.
I then was told he was annoyed that he didn't get my full attention tonight after I hung up so he switched to a more "subtle" passive agressiveness.... and it just was not a good vibe. Plus tensions and discussions in the past month or two have lead me to feel more and more invalidated. And the support feels suddenly almost non existant at times.
I don't know what to do and at first I was angry and depressed most of the night at a time I should be celebrating and now I just am numb. I had this discussion multiple times over the years to make sure he would not have a problem if I pursued this business I even broke down the figures of what I would potentially make. Now its like this might turn into a larger and larger problem as the months go by. This is my passion, my dream, I've invested everything into it but I have never compromised time with him. Is this leading to disaster? Will I be forced to pick between the only person that knows me fully and I have shared my heart and soul with and the thing I have been passionate about for so long I don't know how to do anything else? I would never forgive myself if I let my dreams pass me by but I don't want to lose the person I have loved and felt the most alive around. Neither of us are perfect, I know it all too well how much I can ruin things but this mattered so much to me it really did hurt.
The past year he had set backs, paperwork got mixed up, college fees went crazy and he was struggling to find a job. He finally got a temp job that was only supposed to be two weeks. They've now kept him on for 6 months. Its minimum wage but they are lenient with students if they need to leave for paperwork or classes, they treat people well and their hours are flexible. It can be tense some days and other days its good. My family and his family and his friends tend to call me a lot when they notice he isnt really happy or they push him too hard to do things when he just gets off of a 8 or 9 hour shift. I am not sure if they blame me or think I am a horrible girlfriend due to failing at keeping him from his occassionally sour attitude, but, I just play off the tension and continue on. I usually know right away how to "fix" his attitude when he is that stressed and its not too often it happens.
Here's where the issue comes in. I never have had to work a minimum wage job but I do freelance work. Recently I had a really really great offer come up to make money and use the job as a launching pad to a full blown career. Its a big break I have been waiting for and working toward for several years. Meanwhile we are sharing a pc and yeah, that invades space. I try to use it only when he is at work. But today was my first large meeting with people across the country so of course they wanted me to use skype for a conference.
In the middle of it he comes home, he knows I have this planned. I told him everything, I didnt even sleep from happiness. And he kinda came in after work and asked to borrow the chair I was using. I was like ok, I'll go grab a kitchen chair or something. Then he says he would like to not only borrow the chair but sit down relax on it and use his own computer since he was out working all day. His attitude was honestly abrasive and like a verbal slap in my face. I was really shocked and it took everything in me to remain professional. I ignored the request for a few minutes until there was a break in the meeting's discussion to excuse myself from the call. I ended up using a laptop that kept disconnecting me for the rest of the business meeting.
I then was told he was annoyed that he didn't get my full attention tonight after I hung up so he switched to a more "subtle" passive agressiveness.... and it just was not a good vibe. Plus tensions and discussions in the past month or two have lead me to feel more and more invalidated. And the support feels suddenly almost non existant at times.
I don't know what to do and at first I was angry and depressed most of the night at a time I should be celebrating and now I just am numb. I had this discussion multiple times over the years to make sure he would not have a problem if I pursued this business I even broke down the figures of what I would potentially make. Now its like this might turn into a larger and larger problem as the months go by. This is my passion, my dream, I've invested everything into it but I have never compromised time with him. Is this leading to disaster? Will I be forced to pick between the only person that knows me fully and I have shared my heart and soul with and the thing I have been passionate about for so long I don't know how to do anything else? I would never forgive myself if I let my dreams pass me by but I don't want to lose the person I have loved and felt the most alive around. Neither of us are perfect, I know it all too well how much I can ruin things but this mattered so much to me it really did hurt.
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