I am expecting pretty huge criticism about the state of my marriage. We eloped last year. We continued to live with our respective parents and have been looking for an apartment. She got a job just a few months ago and now I finally got hired for a very good paying job just this past week. I start in march. Anyway, she expressed a few times that I didn't treat her like I used to when we first started dating. I acknowledged what she was saying but apparently I did not make the changes she wanted because now she is asking for a "break".
So last Tuesday was her birthday. We talked on the phone prior and I THOUGHT that we had agreed that our schedules would conflict on that day. (her birth day). She had to drop people off at night shift work and babysit her brothers. I was busy during the day. So instead I spent time with her Monday the day before her birthday. Well I wished her happy birthday multiple times, got breakfast with her, and had sex with her (per her request) that day. The day after, I, in all honesty, forgot to wish her a happy birthday first thing in the morning. I waited until I was finished with my business to call and by that point, she was too far gone and did not even answer.
She did not contact me until the next day and we argued and fought about me ignoring her on her birthday for the whole day. I got defensive because I thought that everything I had done on Monday had made up for Tuesday and I thought that she already knew we wouldn't see each other Tuesday. As it turns out, she told me that what she was actually trying to tell me was that we could not go out on a date or do anything too special on Tuesday. That did NOT mean she did not want to see me or spend time with me! This was a huge misunderstanding on my part and also pretty negligent. Not only did I forget about her for half the day, I did not go to see her. All I did was leave a happy birthday voice-mail at 8pm.
I realize now how arrogant I was and especially to argue over it and defend myself so much when she confronted me.
Well eventually she told me she needs a break. She sent me a text later asking if I wanted my ring back. Then she asked what would happen if she wanted a divorce now. I told her I'd be so incredibly upset that I hurt her so bad. Eventually she realized that I had a misunderstanding and that I thought she told me we could not see one another on her birthday but she still said she thinks we should go on a break then see a couples therapist after the break.
At the very least it seems like she does not want to leave me and wants to work things out.
I agree that this whole living apart thing is not working out for us. We desperately need to find some arrangement where we can live together and I think this is half or 90% of the problem. The other part is that I stopped treating my wife like a rose. I stopped doing the nice things I used to do for her and used the excuse of not having money and what not. So at least I realize my fault. I also got defensive with her about the little things.
What is your advice about this "break". I don't want to loose her in this time. I don't want her to get further distanced from me if I get too pushy and start doing things for her. If I do that she'll think I am only acting because of how upset she is and it wont be genuine.
..but if I give her 100% space I'm afraid of loosing her.
What can I do here in this time? I feel like I screwed up big time and I'm finally realizing how bad I hurt her and how terrible she is feeling.
So last Tuesday was her birthday. We talked on the phone prior and I THOUGHT that we had agreed that our schedules would conflict on that day. (her birth day). She had to drop people off at night shift work and babysit her brothers. I was busy during the day. So instead I spent time with her Monday the day before her birthday. Well I wished her happy birthday multiple times, got breakfast with her, and had sex with her (per her request) that day. The day after, I, in all honesty, forgot to wish her a happy birthday first thing in the morning. I waited until I was finished with my business to call and by that point, she was too far gone and did not even answer.
She did not contact me until the next day and we argued and fought about me ignoring her on her birthday for the whole day. I got defensive because I thought that everything I had done on Monday had made up for Tuesday and I thought that she already knew we wouldn't see each other Tuesday. As it turns out, she told me that what she was actually trying to tell me was that we could not go out on a date or do anything too special on Tuesday. That did NOT mean she did not want to see me or spend time with me! This was a huge misunderstanding on my part and also pretty negligent. Not only did I forget about her for half the day, I did not go to see her. All I did was leave a happy birthday voice-mail at 8pm.
I realize now how arrogant I was and especially to argue over it and defend myself so much when she confronted me.
Well eventually she told me she needs a break. She sent me a text later asking if I wanted my ring back. Then she asked what would happen if she wanted a divorce now. I told her I'd be so incredibly upset that I hurt her so bad. Eventually she realized that I had a misunderstanding and that I thought she told me we could not see one another on her birthday but she still said she thinks we should go on a break then see a couples therapist after the break.
At the very least it seems like she does not want to leave me and wants to work things out.
I agree that this whole living apart thing is not working out for us. We desperately need to find some arrangement where we can live together and I think this is half or 90% of the problem. The other part is that I stopped treating my wife like a rose. I stopped doing the nice things I used to do for her and used the excuse of not having money and what not. So at least I realize my fault. I also got defensive with her about the little things.
What is your advice about this "break". I don't want to loose her in this time. I don't want her to get further distanced from me if I get too pushy and start doing things for her. If I do that she'll think I am only acting because of how upset she is and it wont be genuine.
..but if I give her 100% space I'm afraid of loosing her.
What can I do here in this time? I feel like I screwed up big time and I'm finally realizing how bad I hurt her and how terrible she is feeling.
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