I've mentioned my friend on here now and again. Cheated on his wife for a while, was kicked out for most of last year, moved back home before the holidays, trying to reconcile. And yes, I know he reaps what he sows. He's been on the straight and narrow best I can tell.
I've used my recent experience to try to council him on what he should be doing now that he is back home, and his OM perspective was helpful in opening my eyes to how players operate.
Yesterday was their sons 6th birthday. They made the day about him. Skiing, shopping, eating out. Early last night his wife's friend texts her to check out his Instagram account. In a particular pic was him, with a guy and two other girls, at the company holiday party. Big smiles, drinks arms around each other posing for the camera. His former OW did not work for this company and he has not contacted her in almost a year now. So wife's friend texts her to look at it. Says he's a little to close to one of the girls in the pic, to look out for him cheating on you again.
They have a big argument. She texts back a while later, wife tells her they are in midst of argument. She wanted to know if she is ok. Wife doesn't text back right away, so calls the cops, who show up on their doorstep at midnight. Wife says everything is fine, but cops (rightly so) are skeptical.
Argument defuses over night. Friend texts back again this morning, wife tells her that she shouldn't be friends with her right now. Friend says is this her or him speaking? That if it is him she is going to call the police again.
My advice to him was "look buddy, this is a situation of your own doing. But the two of you are trying to rebuild trust, and you cannot do that if she has a friend instigating trouble between the two of you. That she is in effect toxic, and if you want to rebuild the marriage, wife cannot be in contact with her"
Friend is middle aged, divorced with kids. Went through bitter divorce for what I understand- I don't know her. I'm not saying that is not a good perspective for the wife to hear, but at some point it seems she's just causing trouble, because misery loves company.
So that brings me back to the title of the thread, to get the wise perspective of the group here- can a Betrayed spouse have toxic friends?
I've used my recent experience to try to council him on what he should be doing now that he is back home, and his OM perspective was helpful in opening my eyes to how players operate.
Yesterday was their sons 6th birthday. They made the day about him. Skiing, shopping, eating out. Early last night his wife's friend texts her to check out his Instagram account. In a particular pic was him, with a guy and two other girls, at the company holiday party. Big smiles, drinks arms around each other posing for the camera. His former OW did not work for this company and he has not contacted her in almost a year now. So wife's friend texts her to look at it. Says he's a little to close to one of the girls in the pic, to look out for him cheating on you again.
They have a big argument. She texts back a while later, wife tells her they are in midst of argument. She wanted to know if she is ok. Wife doesn't text back right away, so calls the cops, who show up on their doorstep at midnight. Wife says everything is fine, but cops (rightly so) are skeptical.
Argument defuses over night. Friend texts back again this morning, wife tells her that she shouldn't be friends with her right now. Friend says is this her or him speaking? That if it is him she is going to call the police again.
My advice to him was "look buddy, this is a situation of your own doing. But the two of you are trying to rebuild trust, and you cannot do that if she has a friend instigating trouble between the two of you. That she is in effect toxic, and if you want to rebuild the marriage, wife cannot be in contact with her"
Friend is middle aged, divorced with kids. Went through bitter divorce for what I understand- I don't know her. I'm not saying that is not a good perspective for the wife to hear, but at some point it seems she's just causing trouble, because misery loves company.
So that brings me back to the title of the thread, to get the wise perspective of the group here- can a Betrayed spouse have toxic friends?
Put the internet to work for you.
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