Having read an article that makes a lot of sense, I've concluded some simple relationship advice everyone everywhere ever really needs to take on board and meld into their lives in their dealings with their preferred sex.
1. Chill the **** out
- People often let their emotions run unchecked and think too much with their heart and too little with their brains. Rarely do emotionally charged thoughts and ideas lead to ideal solutions. Even a really **** relationship problem can be solved, if not to outright satisfaction, then to some degree of peace and self-respect intact by stepping back and thinking rationally.
Example: It serves no purpose to stew in a heady emotional soup of bad feelings if say your partner cheats on you, entertaining them via asking yourself irrelevant questions like how why and what you could have done.
All you need to know is that a cheater isn't for you and that whatever made them cheat, it was their decision and a cheater and the lack of trust isn't for you.
2. Trust.
- This is simply the most basic and fundamental need in a relationship. Everyone knows this and yet it seems to escape them that a relationship without trust isn't ultimately worth pursuing. If you can't get through a day without trusting your partner not to cheat or do something else which you feel harms you or ruins the relationship then there is absolutely no shame in ending it. If anything it is THE most mature and adult thing that can be done.
Example: You have no real reason to believe your partner is cheating on you but for whatever reason you just have 'this feeling' and constantly get jealous or paranoid and suspect your partner. Your partner isn't going to enjoy being suspected all the time. It's insulting to not be trusted not to be able to control yourself, and endlessly annoying at the apparent low self-esteem offered by someone so down on themselves they feel like you're going to run off at the first pretty/handsome face that comes along. It is also really unattractive. Most importantly it's no fun for you and if you cannot just trust your partner the relationship isn't for you, or you need to take the time to deal with your own demons effecting your self-confidence.
3. Communication
- This ties in with being rational but most of all trust. When someone doesn't trust their partner (even if it is to talk like an adult) then you can easily fall into the trap of poor or non-existent honest and clear communication. You don't need to emotionally manipulate or blame or become passive aggressive, because ultimately clear and earnest conversation will always lead to a quicker more satisfying compromise or solution than any other tactic.
example: You really dislike how 'close' your partner and a friend act around each other. You could get pissy, try and emotionally manipulate and all that. But really simply sitting down and having a calm conversation where you state your problem and feelings without unwarranted accusation or insult gives them not only all the information they need, it also offers yourself an opportunity to gauge where they stand and in the grand scheme where the relationship stands and it's future (if any). Strangely enough when talked to as an adult in such a way, usually engenders responses in kind.
In the broad stroke and as a conclusion, try and remember you're dealing with another human being who isn't (at least rarely) out to 'get you'. A failed relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have fundamentally failed some arbitrary skill-check at life. relationships by their nature come and go.
Lastly if all else fails know when to end one, and remain as civil and forgiving as you can, without being a pushover or entertaining genuinely toxic people.
No relationship is so important that you cannot end it to the benefit of all when the relationship itself has become detrimental. Even children of truly negligent and abusive parents know when it is time to say goodbye to mummy and daddy and cut them from their lives (sometimes anyway).
Happy humping, TSR!
1. Chill the **** out
- People often let their emotions run unchecked and think too much with their heart and too little with their brains. Rarely do emotionally charged thoughts and ideas lead to ideal solutions. Even a really **** relationship problem can be solved, if not to outright satisfaction, then to some degree of peace and self-respect intact by stepping back and thinking rationally.
Example: It serves no purpose to stew in a heady emotional soup of bad feelings if say your partner cheats on you, entertaining them via asking yourself irrelevant questions like how why and what you could have done.
All you need to know is that a cheater isn't for you and that whatever made them cheat, it was their decision and a cheater and the lack of trust isn't for you.
2. Trust.
- This is simply the most basic and fundamental need in a relationship. Everyone knows this and yet it seems to escape them that a relationship without trust isn't ultimately worth pursuing. If you can't get through a day without trusting your partner not to cheat or do something else which you feel harms you or ruins the relationship then there is absolutely no shame in ending it. If anything it is THE most mature and adult thing that can be done.
Example: You have no real reason to believe your partner is cheating on you but for whatever reason you just have 'this feeling' and constantly get jealous or paranoid and suspect your partner. Your partner isn't going to enjoy being suspected all the time. It's insulting to not be trusted not to be able to control yourself, and endlessly annoying at the apparent low self-esteem offered by someone so down on themselves they feel like you're going to run off at the first pretty/handsome face that comes along. It is also really unattractive. Most importantly it's no fun for you and if you cannot just trust your partner the relationship isn't for you, or you need to take the time to deal with your own demons effecting your self-confidence.
3. Communication
- This ties in with being rational but most of all trust. When someone doesn't trust their partner (even if it is to talk like an adult) then you can easily fall into the trap of poor or non-existent honest and clear communication. You don't need to emotionally manipulate or blame or become passive aggressive, because ultimately clear and earnest conversation will always lead to a quicker more satisfying compromise or solution than any other tactic.
example: You really dislike how 'close' your partner and a friend act around each other. You could get pissy, try and emotionally manipulate and all that. But really simply sitting down and having a calm conversation where you state your problem and feelings without unwarranted accusation or insult gives them not only all the information they need, it also offers yourself an opportunity to gauge where they stand and in the grand scheme where the relationship stands and it's future (if any). Strangely enough when talked to as an adult in such a way, usually engenders responses in kind.
In the broad stroke and as a conclusion, try and remember you're dealing with another human being who isn't (at least rarely) out to 'get you'. A failed relationship doesn't necessarily mean you have fundamentally failed some arbitrary skill-check at life. relationships by their nature come and go.
Lastly if all else fails know when to end one, and remain as civil and forgiving as you can, without being a pushover or entertaining genuinely toxic people.
No relationship is so important that you cannot end it to the benefit of all when the relationship itself has become detrimental. Even children of truly negligent and abusive parents know when it is time to say goodbye to mummy and daddy and cut them from their lives (sometimes anyway).
Happy humping, TSR!
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