Hello,
This is my first post and I am very glad something like this exists. Thank God Al Gore invented the internet twenty years ago.
I'll start with a little background information. I'm 42 years old, have a one year old biological child and two older stepdaughters (8 and 14). I'm married to a beautiful woman. I got lucky, especially due to my intense social anxiety; ADD; and, at the time we met, alcoholism and prescription pill medication addiction that I used to help mask my anxieties. I'm not a religious man, but in this instance, I was definitely blessed.
We've been together for almost three years (married for one and a half). The relationship was awesome until we got married. Now we fight all the time.
Last year, I taught while my wife stayed home with our newborn son. There was more arguing than normal - usually over money, housework, or stress from a high maintenance baby. It was unpleasant, but I figured it would pass once we got better adjusted to our new life.
Then in March of last year I lost my job and all hell broke loose. I got depressed and she got worried. I developed an intense fear of being rejected at work again, so I only haphazardly searched. Understandably, my wife became angry. She agreed to look for work and I could stay home with the baby. I thought I was cool with that, but my self-esteem plummeted, which led to more anger and frustration. Not that my wife is totally blameless in this, but I'm trying to only worry about my part in our problems.
We have moments where we seem to be doing ok, but then out of nowhere all hell breaks loose an we seem on the verge of divorce.
That brings me to the real reason I am writing. About a month ago, my wife decided that she no longer wanted to visit my parents because it is too stressful (my parents live 500 miles away). This bothered me alot. My parents have their problems, but have always been nice to her. I didn't say much other than try to convince to come down for Christmas.
Well, last Friday my wife's grandmother and brother came for a visit. I told her earlier in the week that I would be able to see them Friday night or Saturday morning because of a test I was taking. She said ok. When she came home Friday she told me how mad she was that I didn't at least come by to say "hi" to them. Naturally, I thought that was extremely hypocritical. We fought into the next day, but calmed down once we got to my mother-in-laws house (where my wife's brother and grandmother were staying).
I was still really upset in the early part of this week, but tried to not let show. Then yesterday we were joking around about a house rules chart we have. Next thing I know my wife says, "does the chart say anything about kicking and calling me a b*!h" in front of my 8 year old stepdaughter. (Yes, I did kick my wife about a month ago. It is a line I never thought I would cross and I feel horrible about it. I will say that she is equally as aggressive). We've always tried to have an understanding that the ugly things we do and say when we're angry should be forgiven and forgotten. I left the room and tried avoiding her for most of the day.
Later that afternoon she came to me and tried to make peace. Things were cool until later that evening when I picked up my 8 year old and wife from a play rehearsal my stepdaughter is in. I told my wife that my parents said they loved her. She replied, "from now on I don't want to hear about any conversations with your parents. I'm sick of the drama." I got mad again and we repeated the same cycle of angrily ignoring each other. That night she tried talking to me again peacefully, but she didn't like what I had to say (which was mostly that I think she's being unfair an hypocritical )so she stormed off.
This morning my 14 year old was marching in a parade, which I very much wanted to attend. My wife told me that we shouldn't go anywhere together today. Since our other car is low in gas and we're broke until tomorrow, that meant I couldn't go. I lost it. I yelled at her in front of the 8 year old and started slamming the dishes I was washing.
Now my wife is at another family function which I agreed not to attend. Therefore, I'm home alone on Thanksgiving.
I don't want our relationship to end and I really want the fighting to stop. We used to be amazing together. I know I have a bad temper and have done many things I'm not proud of. I'm seeing a counselor and am taking medicine for my anger and anxiety. She just has a way of pushing my buttons.
I would love some honest, constructive advice. I'm sure I don't sound like a very good person and I don't feel like one now.
This is my first post and I am very glad something like this exists. Thank God Al Gore invented the internet twenty years ago.
I'll start with a little background information. I'm 42 years old, have a one year old biological child and two older stepdaughters (8 and 14). I'm married to a beautiful woman. I got lucky, especially due to my intense social anxiety; ADD; and, at the time we met, alcoholism and prescription pill medication addiction that I used to help mask my anxieties. I'm not a religious man, but in this instance, I was definitely blessed.
We've been together for almost three years (married for one and a half). The relationship was awesome until we got married. Now we fight all the time.
Last year, I taught while my wife stayed home with our newborn son. There was more arguing than normal - usually over money, housework, or stress from a high maintenance baby. It was unpleasant, but I figured it would pass once we got better adjusted to our new life.
Then in March of last year I lost my job and all hell broke loose. I got depressed and she got worried. I developed an intense fear of being rejected at work again, so I only haphazardly searched. Understandably, my wife became angry. She agreed to look for work and I could stay home with the baby. I thought I was cool with that, but my self-esteem plummeted, which led to more anger and frustration. Not that my wife is totally blameless in this, but I'm trying to only worry about my part in our problems.
We have moments where we seem to be doing ok, but then out of nowhere all hell breaks loose an we seem on the verge of divorce.
That brings me to the real reason I am writing. About a month ago, my wife decided that she no longer wanted to visit my parents because it is too stressful (my parents live 500 miles away). This bothered me alot. My parents have their problems, but have always been nice to her. I didn't say much other than try to convince to come down for Christmas.
Well, last Friday my wife's grandmother and brother came for a visit. I told her earlier in the week that I would be able to see them Friday night or Saturday morning because of a test I was taking. She said ok. When she came home Friday she told me how mad she was that I didn't at least come by to say "hi" to them. Naturally, I thought that was extremely hypocritical. We fought into the next day, but calmed down once we got to my mother-in-laws house (where my wife's brother and grandmother were staying).
I was still really upset in the early part of this week, but tried to not let show. Then yesterday we were joking around about a house rules chart we have. Next thing I know my wife says, "does the chart say anything about kicking and calling me a b*!h" in front of my 8 year old stepdaughter. (Yes, I did kick my wife about a month ago. It is a line I never thought I would cross and I feel horrible about it. I will say that she is equally as aggressive). We've always tried to have an understanding that the ugly things we do and say when we're angry should be forgiven and forgotten. I left the room and tried avoiding her for most of the day.
Later that afternoon she came to me and tried to make peace. Things were cool until later that evening when I picked up my 8 year old and wife from a play rehearsal my stepdaughter is in. I told my wife that my parents said they loved her. She replied, "from now on I don't want to hear about any conversations with your parents. I'm sick of the drama." I got mad again and we repeated the same cycle of angrily ignoring each other. That night she tried talking to me again peacefully, but she didn't like what I had to say (which was mostly that I think she's being unfair an hypocritical )so she stormed off.
This morning my 14 year old was marching in a parade, which I very much wanted to attend. My wife told me that we shouldn't go anywhere together today. Since our other car is low in gas and we're broke until tomorrow, that meant I couldn't go. I lost it. I yelled at her in front of the 8 year old and started slamming the dishes I was washing.
Now my wife is at another family function which I agreed not to attend. Therefore, I'm home alone on Thanksgiving.
I don't want our relationship to end and I really want the fighting to stop. We used to be amazing together. I know I have a bad temper and have done many things I'm not proud of. I'm seeing a counselor and am taking medicine for my anger and anxiety. She just has a way of pushing my buttons.
I would love some honest, constructive advice. I'm sure I don't sound like a very good person and I don't feel like one now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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