Recently had a short discussion about this aspect with very stbxw. Serial adulterer, all married men etc etc
Each occasion I felt and saw the signs then confronted. Apart from the last one she collapsed all into a heap of guilt and then it all came out. The last one she denied, gaslighted etc etc but my gut has never been wrong about these and that eventually taking three weeks also spilled out.
She never at any point said I need to talk to you about something so important to us etc etc etc not once ............ I dug - she confessed
Over time she has managed to convince herself that she knew she could not keep it in and spilled it to me of her own accord !!
So for the second time last week we spoke. She said "I couldn't live with myself and told you about them ... all etc etc"
I stopped her in her tracks and said okay lets go over that specific aspect once again
Me "Did you ever once at any time sit us both down and bring this up in terms of what you were doing with other men and confess it to my face" ?
Her (long pause, tears) .........."No"
Me "Did I sit you down and confront you with overwhelming gut feeling and evidence about your affair/s so that you had no more choices? "
Her (longer pause, more tears) "Yes"
Me "Right I think that forever more clears that bit up"!
Clearly her thinking she told me makes her feel she would feel better about it all !........but she didn't and she so dearly wants to believe it to the point where in her head it's true she did tell me !! :scratchhead:
mm crazy I know
_________
How many of you were 'told' before you had to broach it ?
How many have experienced what I have - their belief that they did actually tell you rather than the truth
In terms of reconciliation I can't think any one that was not told up front would have any chance of an R.
For those who have reconciled with some real success - waywards - did you tell before you were caught
Are there any successful recons where the wayward never confessed first?
In my mind this seemingly small aspect seems to be a massive impactive influence of the possible success / future of a broken / repairable relationship
Each occasion I felt and saw the signs then confronted. Apart from the last one she collapsed all into a heap of guilt and then it all came out. The last one she denied, gaslighted etc etc but my gut has never been wrong about these and that eventually taking three weeks also spilled out.
She never at any point said I need to talk to you about something so important to us etc etc etc not once ............ I dug - she confessed
Over time she has managed to convince herself that she knew she could not keep it in and spilled it to me of her own accord !!
So for the second time last week we spoke. She said "I couldn't live with myself and told you about them ... all etc etc"
I stopped her in her tracks and said okay lets go over that specific aspect once again
Me "Did you ever once at any time sit us both down and bring this up in terms of what you were doing with other men and confess it to my face" ?
Her (long pause, tears) .........."No"
Me "Did I sit you down and confront you with overwhelming gut feeling and evidence about your affair/s so that you had no more choices? "
Her (longer pause, more tears) "Yes"
Me "Right I think that forever more clears that bit up"!
Clearly her thinking she told me makes her feel she would feel better about it all !........but she didn't and she so dearly wants to believe it to the point where in her head it's true she did tell me !! :scratchhead:
mm crazy I know
_________
How many of you were 'told' before you had to broach it ?
How many have experienced what I have - their belief that they did actually tell you rather than the truth
In terms of reconciliation I can't think any one that was not told up front would have any chance of an R.
For those who have reconciled with some real success - waywards - did you tell before you were caught
Are there any successful recons where the wayward never confessed first?
In my mind this seemingly small aspect seems to be a massive impactive influence of the possible success / future of a broken / repairable relationship
Put the internet to work for you.
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