Is it ever ok to snoop through your spouse/significant other's belongings (computer, cell phone, etc) if you have a reason to suspect cheating?
I'm engaged, but my fiance has been acting really strange lately. He's a very private person, and has made me promise numerous times not to go through his computer.
Lately he's been doing weird things like the following:
- Taking late night phone calls (that he says are for work) outside or in the car
- Told me he's talking to another woman who is "better" than me while in a fight, then later saying it wasn't true. He always says outrageous things in fights or when he's angry. His whole family and all his friends usually roll their eyes when he's angry and told me never to believe anything he says.
Last week, I found a piece of paper with "Hi Sarah :)" written on it in my fiance's handwriting. I confronted him about it immediately, and he said it wasn't his but that his dad had written it. I said "are you sure?" because I know his handwriting and he said yes. I didn't believe it.
Later that night, I noticed he left his computer open while he was sleeping. Normally it has like 3 passwords on it (he's a computer tech). I know I promised never to look through it, but I couldn't resist. On the computer I found tons of selfies of him, which is weird because he hates taking pictures and he doesn't have Facebook.
In one of these selfies, he was holding the paper that he said wasn't his.
I woke him up immediately and confronted him. I might have had an "edge" in my voice, but I used the words "please" and didn't yell. I didn't think it was fair to wake him up screaming or something.
Instead of answering my questions, he just started yelling at me and called me a snake and a b*tch for sneaking around through his computer. He says I am untrustworthy because I broke a promise. Then, in his rage, he took a knife to my favorite purse.
When he calmed down later, he said "sarah" is a family member. I have never heard of anyone in his family named Sarah. He just responds that he wants to keep it private and I need to stop being nosy.
I still don't have any info on this Sarah other than she is a "family member" and he said that he already told his parents and other family members not to answer questions about her, so I can't ask them.
He keeps saying he can't trust me now that I broke a promise, and that he won't be telling me who "sarah" is because I can't be trusted.
So was it wrong to break the promise and look at his computer? Did I have a valid reason? Or should I feel really bad about it?
I'm engaged, but my fiance has been acting really strange lately. He's a very private person, and has made me promise numerous times not to go through his computer.
Lately he's been doing weird things like the following:
- Taking late night phone calls (that he says are for work) outside or in the car
- Told me he's talking to another woman who is "better" than me while in a fight, then later saying it wasn't true. He always says outrageous things in fights or when he's angry. His whole family and all his friends usually roll their eyes when he's angry and told me never to believe anything he says.
Last week, I found a piece of paper with "Hi Sarah :)" written on it in my fiance's handwriting. I confronted him about it immediately, and he said it wasn't his but that his dad had written it. I said "are you sure?" because I know his handwriting and he said yes. I didn't believe it.
Later that night, I noticed he left his computer open while he was sleeping. Normally it has like 3 passwords on it (he's a computer tech). I know I promised never to look through it, but I couldn't resist. On the computer I found tons of selfies of him, which is weird because he hates taking pictures and he doesn't have Facebook.
In one of these selfies, he was holding the paper that he said wasn't his.
I woke him up immediately and confronted him. I might have had an "edge" in my voice, but I used the words "please" and didn't yell. I didn't think it was fair to wake him up screaming or something.
Instead of answering my questions, he just started yelling at me and called me a snake and a b*tch for sneaking around through his computer. He says I am untrustworthy because I broke a promise. Then, in his rage, he took a knife to my favorite purse.
When he calmed down later, he said "sarah" is a family member. I have never heard of anyone in his family named Sarah. He just responds that he wants to keep it private and I need to stop being nosy.
I still don't have any info on this Sarah other than she is a "family member" and he said that he already told his parents and other family members not to answer questions about her, so I can't ask them.
He keeps saying he can't trust me now that I broke a promise, and that he won't be telling me who "sarah" is because I can't be trusted.
So was it wrong to break the promise and look at his computer? Did I have a valid reason? Or should I feel really bad about it?
Put the internet to work for you.
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