So still trying to come to terms with everything and in doing so have come up with a bit of an analogy that helped me understand why its difficult.
Its a bit of a painter analogy.
We all start our relationships with a grey canvas.(theoretical neutral) For every positive experience with each other we add a brush stroke of white. For every negative experience with each other we add a brush stroke of black. How strong of an act dictates how thick the brush.
Over time the good relationships will be lighter, and the bad ones will be darker.
With the act of infidelity and the lies that go along with it, it is such a damaging act that it is akin to dumping a gallon of black paint over the canvas as it touches and taints every other act of your relationship. You start to wonder "was that brush stroke white at all?"
So now even in moving forward with R, your new canvas is black. So even if the relationship is worth having now, that there are more white strokes to black strokes. The back drop will always be black now instead of grey.
Using this analogy I've tried to think of an act that could counter infidelity. Searching for the theoretical bucket of white paint. Unfortunately fidelity itself is not the opposite due to the premise of your relationship. Fidelity is expected and therefore is only neutral grey. Also the reason revenge affairs are not helpful is that all they do is add more black. They are not the polar opposite. Getting even? Maybe, but rectifying the color balance? No.
I don't know that there is a bucket of white paint out there, but I feel this is apt in that the relationship going forward can be better than it ever was but still it will be forever touched by the infidelity. It forever changes our canvas, our premise, our foundation, our souls.
Thoughts?
Apologies if I did not fully flesh this out, I typed it up quickly as I spend today a bit lost in my thoughts.
Its a bit of a painter analogy.
We all start our relationships with a grey canvas.(theoretical neutral) For every positive experience with each other we add a brush stroke of white. For every negative experience with each other we add a brush stroke of black. How strong of an act dictates how thick the brush.
Over time the good relationships will be lighter, and the bad ones will be darker.
With the act of infidelity and the lies that go along with it, it is such a damaging act that it is akin to dumping a gallon of black paint over the canvas as it touches and taints every other act of your relationship. You start to wonder "was that brush stroke white at all?"
So now even in moving forward with R, your new canvas is black. So even if the relationship is worth having now, that there are more white strokes to black strokes. The back drop will always be black now instead of grey.
Using this analogy I've tried to think of an act that could counter infidelity. Searching for the theoretical bucket of white paint. Unfortunately fidelity itself is not the opposite due to the premise of your relationship. Fidelity is expected and therefore is only neutral grey. Also the reason revenge affairs are not helpful is that all they do is add more black. They are not the polar opposite. Getting even? Maybe, but rectifying the color balance? No.
I don't know that there is a bucket of white paint out there, but I feel this is apt in that the relationship going forward can be better than it ever was but still it will be forever touched by the infidelity. It forever changes our canvas, our premise, our foundation, our souls.
Thoughts?
Apologies if I did not fully flesh this out, I typed it up quickly as I spend today a bit lost in my thoughts.
Put the internet to work for you.
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