I'm not going into my full story again but suffice to say my W had an affair several years ago. It lasted 9 months. I nice guy'd my way through it. We are still married but my plan is to file after the holidays. The reason for my post is my mother in law. I've just realized how messed up her mode of thinking is.
The W and I went to her parents house several days ago to talk. I wasn't sure what this was about. It seemed like an ambush. Anyway, it made some things really come clear to me about my MIL. Some facts:
* After I busted my W the 2nd time with being in contact with OM the MIL got my W a burner phone. Her reason is that I was invading my wife's privacy by looking at her texts.
* MIL told me I acted crazy by looking at the W's email and phone during her affair. I am now a changed person for doing this.
* I told the MIL that my W and OM had very emotional "I love you" going back and forth via text, email. Very emotional teenager like. As in you are my world. The MIL responded by saying "well you have female friends, don't you tell them you love them?" I said I say ILY to 4 females, my W, my 2 daughters, and my mom.
* I said it's hard to describe when your spouse looks you dead in the eye and lies to you to be with another person. MIL said I lie to my husband. My follow up about trust in a committed relationship was blown off.
* She says things like "He is just doing that to put on a show that he is a good father" when I take my daughters to a movie and "I bet that credit card didn't work because he canceled you" - which are completely untrue. It's the taking a situation and making a worse case assumption and planting the seed of doubt in someone else.
* Says things just like my W that my she doubts my intentions and sincerity despite the fact that my words and actions match and have matched for a long time.
* Now says she feels uncomfortable that my W and I haven't told our daughters exactly where the state of our marriage is. My response was they know we are having problems, we are in MC, and I will not tell them we are divorcing until that is a final because that is not the right way to approach it.
Some of this is just a vent. Other parts are I can now see where my W gets a lot of her puppet strings pulled. It's just wacky. The MIL will say "I don't want to interfere with your business" but her actions are totally the opposite. It's like she is trying to be the puppetmaster.
Thanks for listening to my vent. Between her and my W the amount of gaslighting that happens is amazing.
I guess I've just really realized how toxic this way of thinking is with both my W and MIL.
The W and I went to her parents house several days ago to talk. I wasn't sure what this was about. It seemed like an ambush. Anyway, it made some things really come clear to me about my MIL. Some facts:
* After I busted my W the 2nd time with being in contact with OM the MIL got my W a burner phone. Her reason is that I was invading my wife's privacy by looking at her texts.
* MIL told me I acted crazy by looking at the W's email and phone during her affair. I am now a changed person for doing this.
* I told the MIL that my W and OM had very emotional "I love you" going back and forth via text, email. Very emotional teenager like. As in you are my world. The MIL responded by saying "well you have female friends, don't you tell them you love them?" I said I say ILY to 4 females, my W, my 2 daughters, and my mom.
* I said it's hard to describe when your spouse looks you dead in the eye and lies to you to be with another person. MIL said I lie to my husband. My follow up about trust in a committed relationship was blown off.
* She says things like "He is just doing that to put on a show that he is a good father" when I take my daughters to a movie and "I bet that credit card didn't work because he canceled you" - which are completely untrue. It's the taking a situation and making a worse case assumption and planting the seed of doubt in someone else.
* Says things just like my W that my she doubts my intentions and sincerity despite the fact that my words and actions match and have matched for a long time.
* Now says she feels uncomfortable that my W and I haven't told our daughters exactly where the state of our marriage is. My response was they know we are having problems, we are in MC, and I will not tell them we are divorcing until that is a final because that is not the right way to approach it.
Some of this is just a vent. Other parts are I can now see where my W gets a lot of her puppet strings pulled. It's just wacky. The MIL will say "I don't want to interfere with your business" but her actions are totally the opposite. It's like she is trying to be the puppetmaster.
Thanks for listening to my vent. Between her and my W the amount of gaslighting that happens is amazing.
I guess I've just really realized how toxic this way of thinking is with both my W and MIL.
Put the internet to work for you.
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