Hi everyone, I'm a 22 year old engineering student in Canada currently in 3rd year (2 years behind due to transferring schools once and also dropping courses unfortunately). Life feels like a struggle with little reward or enjoyment.
I have a girlfriend of 2 years, we get on well but I've begun to find the relationship tiring (still holding on though, it was better in the past when we didn't live with our respective parents). She is a beautiful tall natural blonde and very caring, honest and loyal and I love her. I am disinterested in most of the people around me at uni, everyone from the studying robots to the party nuts and the silly activists and everyone in between. I've seen it all before and it's getting old, like me, which I think is part of the problem. I deleted facebook because it is a waste of time and basically don't use the internet for socializing at all (I created my account on TSR just so I could post this).
Studying takes up most of my time and I struggle to study efficiently so most of my time gets eaten up. I do find keeping on top of things quite stressful and feel like I could enjoy life and start being more alive if I could get that under control. I also volunteer on a research project and a race car design project for the engineering department as a time-filler and something to keep me holding on, which serves its purpose half-heartedly enough.
I live at home to save money (part of the reason I transferred schools) and my parents are ancient, religious and made of stone. My house is a crypt. On weekends I usually go to my girlfriend's house for one night, her parents are more relaxed. We always stay in and bore ourselves with walking around the house then refrain from sex because her parents can hear it and it would be uncomfortable and unsatisfying. We fall asleep together in her bed like an old married couple. This is often preceded by mild bickering and mutual commiserating about our dead sex life and the fact that we both live at home. My girlfriend is only in 2nd year so she has even longer till she's done.
I have recently gained some weight however I also have been going back to the gym (I used to be very into weightlifting). My efforts to keep to the gym on a regular schedule have not gone so well. I've skipped most of my workouts because of lack of time due to studying and also poor sleeping habits.
In school I am doing okay, I have near perfect lecture attendance and okay tutorial attendance. I am excelling in 2 courses and doing moderately/poorly in the other 3 (bordering on failing however there is time and marks left in the finals so I am not super worried yet). My school performance has always been fairly unstable and unpredictable in university, excelling here and failing there.
The only things I enjoy are studying engineering (certain topics, not everything) and looking up random interesting things mostly from history politics and science (which I use as a huge procrastination tool). I also enjoy making art with clay, paintings, etc. and also computer game design but these hobbies are too intense to indulge while in school (I do my best to keep my hands off them because I know they will suck me in.. I indulge them during the summers and Christmas time). The music I used to listen to (mostly industrial, metal, experimental, gothic, other weird things) is growing stale. I think I may have grown out of it but I haven't found other stuff yet that I like – music as a whole is beginning to bore me. I feel very, very friendless, lame, uncool, old, boring, bored, lifeless, crusty , gray, apathetic, isolated, unraveled, tired, abstinent and bleak.
I have a vague dream that once I'm done uni I will move to a far away place probably with my girlfriend, maybe England, Norway or Germany, and basically start a new life and reinvent myself. But a large part of me and my common sense says this is a very escapist fantasy and there is no guarantee my inner self will be significantly different in those circumstances.
No real question here just looking for any comments, input or advice. Or stories from people who can relate. It means something to just get all this out. Thanks.
I have a girlfriend of 2 years, we get on well but I've begun to find the relationship tiring (still holding on though, it was better in the past when we didn't live with our respective parents). She is a beautiful tall natural blonde and very caring, honest and loyal and I love her. I am disinterested in most of the people around me at uni, everyone from the studying robots to the party nuts and the silly activists and everyone in between. I've seen it all before and it's getting old, like me, which I think is part of the problem. I deleted facebook because it is a waste of time and basically don't use the internet for socializing at all (I created my account on TSR just so I could post this).
Studying takes up most of my time and I struggle to study efficiently so most of my time gets eaten up. I do find keeping on top of things quite stressful and feel like I could enjoy life and start being more alive if I could get that under control. I also volunteer on a research project and a race car design project for the engineering department as a time-filler and something to keep me holding on, which serves its purpose half-heartedly enough.
I live at home to save money (part of the reason I transferred schools) and my parents are ancient, religious and made of stone. My house is a crypt. On weekends I usually go to my girlfriend's house for one night, her parents are more relaxed. We always stay in and bore ourselves with walking around the house then refrain from sex because her parents can hear it and it would be uncomfortable and unsatisfying. We fall asleep together in her bed like an old married couple. This is often preceded by mild bickering and mutual commiserating about our dead sex life and the fact that we both live at home. My girlfriend is only in 2nd year so she has even longer till she's done.
I have recently gained some weight however I also have been going back to the gym (I used to be very into weightlifting). My efforts to keep to the gym on a regular schedule have not gone so well. I've skipped most of my workouts because of lack of time due to studying and also poor sleeping habits.
In school I am doing okay, I have near perfect lecture attendance and okay tutorial attendance. I am excelling in 2 courses and doing moderately/poorly in the other 3 (bordering on failing however there is time and marks left in the finals so I am not super worried yet). My school performance has always been fairly unstable and unpredictable in university, excelling here and failing there.
The only things I enjoy are studying engineering (certain topics, not everything) and looking up random interesting things mostly from history politics and science (which I use as a huge procrastination tool). I also enjoy making art with clay, paintings, etc. and also computer game design but these hobbies are too intense to indulge while in school (I do my best to keep my hands off them because I know they will suck me in.. I indulge them during the summers and Christmas time). The music I used to listen to (mostly industrial, metal, experimental, gothic, other weird things) is growing stale. I think I may have grown out of it but I haven't found other stuff yet that I like – music as a whole is beginning to bore me. I feel very, very friendless, lame, uncool, old, boring, bored, lifeless, crusty , gray, apathetic, isolated, unraveled, tired, abstinent and bleak.
I have a vague dream that once I'm done uni I will move to a far away place probably with my girlfriend, maybe England, Norway or Germany, and basically start a new life and reinvent myself. But a large part of me and my common sense says this is a very escapist fantasy and there is no guarantee my inner self will be significantly different in those circumstances.
No real question here just looking for any comments, input or advice. Or stories from people who can relate. It means something to just get all this out. Thanks.
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