Has cuckold porn ruined my life forever?

Hi everyone, I don't know if this is appropriate, but just 1 month back, I was searching for videos of a particular porn star, when I chanced upon one of her cuckold video. It featured a muscular man dominating a woman. After this, I watched 2 more such videos. What I'm trying to say is, I was always feeling inferior to these muscular guys, and lots of girls seems to like them, and i was feeling very low . I even pictured some girls who has muscular boyfriends like in that video, also those whom rejected me before. (I have since starting lifting weights and gotten slightly muscular). I never had a girlfriend before and never even once held hands with one. After jerking off to these videos for a few times, I got really sick of myself with each round, as if I'm losing my self respect. But I want to ask, would I really end up like those guys whom "shares" their wives? I really do not want to become like this, if I have to end up like this and treat my future wife in this manner, I would rather not, I don't want her to marry a guy who thinks he loves her, but is treating her like a meat. I think she doesn't deserve this fate. I have been reading all this topics on cuckold and its making me very scared, plus those images of those men are burned into my head, its like they are banging the girls I meet, I try to shift those images away and it is hurting me everyday. I am really scared and paranoid, I have even thought of suicide, I just don't know what to do any more??? Those images that I thought up are really hurting. I don't want to continue on like this anymore. I am such a disgusting human being.

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