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Should I fight for his friendship??

My situation. Please give me some advice.:)

There are three weeks left of Sixth Form. I have known this boy for two years now, we sit next to each other in class. However, in the first year, we did not speak more than a few words to each other. On my part, it was because of my extreme shyness. I have a major rejection complex thing that means I never initiate things. I'm not sure what the reasons were on his part. I used to see him sitting by himself in the library a lot.
Then in the second year, we sort of got over this initial shyness and started talking a bit. I was still very shy though, I was always thinking how he must think I'm so silly and ugly and weird. Yet I developed a huge crush on him. He's got a couple of guy friends who he's always with in the library.
In the last few months however we've got more relaxed around each other, and since the easter holidays especially so. :blushing:

We have a mutual nerdy love of Doctor Who. Every monday one of us goes "did you see DW?!" and then we have a nerdy discussion about it.:lovedup: We always stand next to each other when waiting outside our classes (we share two together). And in one of them, we sit on lab stools and we often sit very close together and our elbows touch, sometimes even our knees :fan:

He's the loveliest guy I've ever met and could ever hope to meet. He's so nice and cute and tall and I love just listening to him talk:love:. Even though I had massive crazy sexual feelings for him at first, and I still do, I sort of see him as an older brother now. I just love him so platonically that I can't even begin to imagine never seeing him again. He's everything I want in a guy, he's perfect for me. I know that he'd never fancy me, but I'd settle for friends hands down. He's just so wonderful :sadnod:

I live in constant regret and agony that I was so shy around him for ages. It's only in the past few weeks of year 13 that I've swallowed my shyness around him. How sad is that :( All that time WASTED. I keep thinking, if only in year 12 I had approached him (he was new to the school and I was not) maybe I could have become his best friend, not those boys! It could have been me who sits loyally next to him in the library everyday, instead of three seats down... damn my shyness:(

So there we have it. I utterly adore him but because of my shyness (and no doubt my ugliness) the situation isn't what I want.

Here's the problem. Sixth form ends in three weeks.
The thought of never seeing him again breaks my heart. He's the sole reason I have been able to keep coming into school recently.
And, he lives half an hour away from me. Which means the only way I could keep in touch with him would be online. I stupidly asked him before Easter if I could talk to him online, but he seemed very unenthusiastic and unbothered over it which really embarrassed and upset me. Now I'm scared of bringing it up again.

What do I do, guys? I so desperately desperately want to keep his friendship, but I fear (or well, I KNOW) that our friendship is really one sided. I like him SOOOOOO much more than he likes me. I'm sure he does like me, but not enough to want to stay in touch with me or even talk to me out of school. And my rejection complex makes me so scared of telling him this, because it's highly likely the chances are that he's not remotely bothered about never speaking to me again. I hate being seen as clingy and needy (which I am, but....). And I don't have any other friends.

I would miss him so much if we don't keep in touch. But I'm so scared. Should I fight for our friendship?:S Should I swallow my pride and just tell him how badly I want to stay friends? That I see him as a brother and I'd be really devastated to never see him again?

Help me TSR!!




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