I love my Nice Guy, but he doesn't love me any more....

This is a bit of a story so I apologise in advance for the length of this post. :o I've been married to my second husband for 20 years. Our children are all grown. 18 months ago I hopped onto his laptop while he was at work. He had accidently left his facebook page open and I saw a conversation between him and a female friend who I didn't know. It was in a chat box message in real time. It was mostly general chit chat, but there was enough familiarity between them to make me suspicious, so I went looking into the history and found a login to a dating site and the web history also showed access to adult porn. :confused: I couldn't believe what I was seeing as I had no suspicion at all that he was looking at porn and chatting on dating sites. I logged into our phone bill account and saw that he had been texting and chatting with an unfamiliar number frequently, so I hopped back into his facebook message archive and saw messages between him and yet another woman! So he had two on the go! The first one I wasn't too bothered about because the woman lived overseas and it just seemed basically friendly conversation. However the one that he had been in phone contact with was a lot more disturbing. For one, she only lived about 15 miles away and was a single mother and obviously on the prowl for a partner from the way she was talking. From the conversations it appeared that they had not actually met physically; only on the dating site and now by phone and chat. I also found a secret email account which he had been using. I determined that I would not speak to my H about this as I needed to do some more digging to make sure, but I just couldn't help myself when I saw him the next day. I am a woman that wears her heart on her sleeve and no way could I act like everything was hunky dory, when my whole life was smashed into smithereens around me. Anyway in the end he assured me that he was felt lonely in our marriage and just went looking for "friends", nothing had come of it and he would never do it again. I wanted so much to believe him, so I did. I had full access to his facebook page, email account, our phone bill account and his mobile, any time I wanted to check it. I also knew where he was 24/7 (for the most part). Apart from this there was never a problem that I knew of in our marriage, he has been a fantastic step father to my children from my first marriage, a wonderful, kind and generous man and a good provider who had stood by me through some very difficult times when I was very ill and my mother died in a horrible way at the same time, 7 years ago. So I guess he was an overall Mr Nice Guy, and apart from his passive – aggressive behaviour at times, and his very LD sexually, the good really did outweigh the bad, so I forgave him and we decided to put it behind us and "work" on our marriage, a la "sweeping it under the rug". He went and saw a therapist for his LD but only went a couple of times because it wasn't helping him (so he told me) I allowed this to continue and of course our relationship continued to deteriorate into increased PA behaviour and continued rug sweeping. Anyway, 4 months ago he was out with a buddy and he met a younger woman, who it turned out, had said to him that she "could have some fun with him and here is my phone number". They commenced chatting and texting by phone. I wasn't looking at his mobile, emails and facebook anymore because by this time, I felt that he had got over his issue from before and his mid-life crisis was over. Silly me! I found out about the second EA when we were interstate and I was sitting in the car while he had popped into a store for a minute and had left his phone in the car, and a message popped up on his phone. I happened to just glance down at it for no reason and saw a message from a woman, again, that I didn't know and again, seemed a bit too familiar. I never said a word to him, but when we got back to where we were staying and I was in another room I went looking and felt I was living in ground hog day. Call me naïve and stupid, but I had trusted him and the same thing had happened all over again! I tried again to not say anything until I had uncovered the full extent of it but try as I might I just could not. It all blew up on the plane coming home, which was very awkward as you can imagine, so we kept it under wraps until we got home, but by this time, I was teetering between crazy and insane. We got home and talked for hours and hours, about everything, our marriage, sex life, bitterness and resentment, his two EA's and why they occurred. We talked that day and the next and every day for 2 weeks, until we came to some kind of resolution. We would both get help, first with IC then MC, I would continue to read all his emails, phone and text messages. He would account for every single minute he was away from me. This was our plan for full accountability and it seemed like a good one……. or so I thought. Fast forward to 5 days ago. I had been very wary going forward and decided to install a key logger on his laptop (he is unaware of this) because I realised that he now knew to delete all his history from it and obviously could use the phone at work if he was so inclined. Apart from that he has changed much of his PA behaviour, communication is the best it has ever been and our sex life has never been as good as it is now. He and I have been much happier….. until today that is. I just checked the spyware on his laptop and discovered he has joined up to a dating site again! There is absolutely no record so far of him contacting, emailing, texting, phoning another OW, and I know where he is every minute of the day. I have decided to leave him if he has another EA, as I cannot and will not live like this anymore. I am going interstate next week for 10 days to help our daughter while her hubby is away (has been planned for months) and think this will be an opportunity for him to take it further than just being on a chat line, if that is what he really wants. But this time I will know about it as it is happening. He won't use his phone, I know that; but his laptop is literally his….laptop…. and he is on it for a lot of his spare time. My problem is that I am going to find it very hard not to bring this up and act normal until I leave. I have a tendency to get emotionally overloaded despite my good intentions and blurt it out which will obviously compromise my detective work. I really love my H very much and cannot bear the thought of living a life without him in it. But I also know that I can't live like this either. I'm hoping that by coming here and talking to people who have been there, done that, I can prevent myself from getting over emotional and letting him know that I know, because I desperately have to know one way or another which way this is going to go. If you managed to read all this then thanks!

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