I've moved in to my new place with my 2 year old daughter, it's only been a few days. Was living for my parents for 7 months prior, ever since my separation from my husband.
It is liberating. It is wonderful having my own place. I can respect myself knowing I pay my own bills and provide for my little one. I thank God every day for the opportunities that are available to me and for finding this kind of strength. And also for the fact that my parents/siblings/extended family are supportive and help me.
But it is lonely. It's a transition, because I am going from a house full of people, to a condo with just my daughter and I. I work late, pick her up from my mom's, then give her dinner and cook something. She gets bored, starts complaining, cries. I haven't gotten internet yet, so she has nothing to preoccupy her while I'm doing chores. I improvise, ask her to get things out of the fridge for me, basically "put her to work" lol in an attempt to curb her boredom. I do my chores as fast as possible so that I can spend time entertaining her.
I've also had a fever the past 2 nights, barely get any sleep, and do not have the option of calling in sick to work (have a very big project that's already fallen behind). Combined with the exhaustion of moving...it's a lot to handle. But I'm doing it.
Up until December, my husband and I had been trying to reconcile. But by end of December, I had asked my husband to move in to an apartment with me, and he said "no, not now". He owns a house with his brother, and said that he owes a responsibility to his brother/mom and can't abandon them. (His brother makes more money, has his own wife and child, and is fully capable of supporting himself). We had already been separated 5 months - he wanted me to wait several more months until he sold his house and was "ready" to move in with me. Basically, he chose his biological family over the family he created with me. Up until then, I had not asked him for child support, so I finally spoke up and told him he needed to pay for our daughter's food and clothing. I also told him that if he wouldn't move in to an apartment with me, I'd do it by myself. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "go ahead".
He was also VERY upset that I asked him to pay $300 a month for our daughter's food, clothing and education savings. He didn't refuse at all, but his mannerisms were very unpleasant. He basically shot 3 emails at me saying, "I'm going to give you such-and-such (thousands) amount of money to cover everything you spent on me during our marriage, and then we can divorce". I felt very hurt and insulted by this. I never replied. That was the last time we ever properly communicated. Ever since then, we talk ONLY about our daughter, via text, when necessary. Very rarely do we ever talk on the phone, and always only about our daughter.
So why am I writing all this? Because I harbour so much resentment against him, for shirking his responsibility toward my daughter and I. He blames me for leaving our marital home (it was an emotionally toxic environment, we lived with his family and I was unhappy, we'd argue about it, he would scream at me and threaten me, and tried to kick me out of the house - so I eventually just left). In his mind, I'm the bad one. The bad wife who didn't stick it out. The bad woman who is so sensitive and won't let go of what happened.
I haven't extended him the courtesy of saying that I've moved. I will tell him this weekend when he picks up our daughter.
When I have my fever, and there's nobody there to take care of me, I resent him.
When my daughter complains because she's bored, and there's nobody to entertain her, I resent him.
When I feel stressed about paying my rent and all the bills, I resent him.
When I remember that he's in his 2000 square foot home, living with his Mommy, his brother, his brother's wife and child, instead of with me and our daughter, I resent him.
My resentment grows. My anger has faded, but my resentment has grown. I am so disappointed in him. I married this man truly believing he'd be a wonderful husband and father...and this is what has become of us?
Sometimes I want to call him and say, "I'm so disappointed in you. We need you, and you're not there for us. You've failed as a husband and father. How could you do this to us?" But I don't want to guilt-trip a man in to being with me. He either wants to be with me, or not...and he clearly has made his decision.
I'm glad that I moved in to my condo and am living alone. This has been an eye opener for me. I always told my family and friends that life is hard and I'm strong and I'll prove to everyone that I can make it. I could have continued living with my parents but I chose to move out, to prove to MYSELF that I can do it! And I have and can! But...there's always a but...it is lonely, and I better get used to this, because this is what life will be like after divorce.
It is liberating. It is wonderful having my own place. I can respect myself knowing I pay my own bills and provide for my little one. I thank God every day for the opportunities that are available to me and for finding this kind of strength. And also for the fact that my parents/siblings/extended family are supportive and help me.
But it is lonely. It's a transition, because I am going from a house full of people, to a condo with just my daughter and I. I work late, pick her up from my mom's, then give her dinner and cook something. She gets bored, starts complaining, cries. I haven't gotten internet yet, so she has nothing to preoccupy her while I'm doing chores. I improvise, ask her to get things out of the fridge for me, basically "put her to work" lol in an attempt to curb her boredom. I do my chores as fast as possible so that I can spend time entertaining her.
I've also had a fever the past 2 nights, barely get any sleep, and do not have the option of calling in sick to work (have a very big project that's already fallen behind). Combined with the exhaustion of moving...it's a lot to handle. But I'm doing it.
Up until December, my husband and I had been trying to reconcile. But by end of December, I had asked my husband to move in to an apartment with me, and he said "no, not now". He owns a house with his brother, and said that he owes a responsibility to his brother/mom and can't abandon them. (His brother makes more money, has his own wife and child, and is fully capable of supporting himself). We had already been separated 5 months - he wanted me to wait several more months until he sold his house and was "ready" to move in with me. Basically, he chose his biological family over the family he created with me. Up until then, I had not asked him for child support, so I finally spoke up and told him he needed to pay for our daughter's food and clothing. I also told him that if he wouldn't move in to an apartment with me, I'd do it by myself. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "go ahead".
He was also VERY upset that I asked him to pay $300 a month for our daughter's food, clothing and education savings. He didn't refuse at all, but his mannerisms were very unpleasant. He basically shot 3 emails at me saying, "I'm going to give you such-and-such (thousands) amount of money to cover everything you spent on me during our marriage, and then we can divorce". I felt very hurt and insulted by this. I never replied. That was the last time we ever properly communicated. Ever since then, we talk ONLY about our daughter, via text, when necessary. Very rarely do we ever talk on the phone, and always only about our daughter.
So why am I writing all this? Because I harbour so much resentment against him, for shirking his responsibility toward my daughter and I. He blames me for leaving our marital home (it was an emotionally toxic environment, we lived with his family and I was unhappy, we'd argue about it, he would scream at me and threaten me, and tried to kick me out of the house - so I eventually just left). In his mind, I'm the bad one. The bad wife who didn't stick it out. The bad woman who is so sensitive and won't let go of what happened.
I haven't extended him the courtesy of saying that I've moved. I will tell him this weekend when he picks up our daughter.
When I have my fever, and there's nobody there to take care of me, I resent him.
When my daughter complains because she's bored, and there's nobody to entertain her, I resent him.
When I feel stressed about paying my rent and all the bills, I resent him.
When I remember that he's in his 2000 square foot home, living with his Mommy, his brother, his brother's wife and child, instead of with me and our daughter, I resent him.
My resentment grows. My anger has faded, but my resentment has grown. I am so disappointed in him. I married this man truly believing he'd be a wonderful husband and father...and this is what has become of us?
Sometimes I want to call him and say, "I'm so disappointed in you. We need you, and you're not there for us. You've failed as a husband and father. How could you do this to us?" But I don't want to guilt-trip a man in to being with me. He either wants to be with me, or not...and he clearly has made his decision.
I'm glad that I moved in to my condo and am living alone. This has been an eye opener for me. I always told my family and friends that life is hard and I'm strong and I'll prove to everyone that I can make it. I could have continued living with my parents but I chose to move out, to prove to MYSELF that I can do it! And I have and can! But...there's always a but...it is lonely, and I better get used to this, because this is what life will be like after divorce.
Put the internet to work for you.
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