I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years; I love him very much but I am constantly riddled with anxiety and doubt over our compatibility. I travel to see him most days when he is not busy with work.
I am 22 at university doing on the first year of my postgrad degree at Oxford. I have worked very hard to get where I am, I am not from a well-to-do background; my father had two full time jobs and my mum had a part time job and they shared childcare duties in order to pay for the mortgage. Basically, I had a pretty TSR-average upbringing.
My boyfriend is in his early 30s and his parents are millionaires and have helped him to become a CEO type person of a very prestigious company (he has never been to uni, but he is intelligent). He regularly meets with celebrities, gets first class travel on his business trips, champagne blah blah blah. He also has to undergo PR training and charity fundraisers etc.
I will say at the outset that I never knew he was well-off when I met him, and if anything, I would prefer that he wasn't. I find it intimidating; I am always worried what people will make off me and whether I am with him for his money. I am worried that he can do better with me as well; I am pretty sure given a chance a real 'woman' (i.e. curvy, beautiful, spends hours and thousands on her looks, fake tan) would snatch him up. He has given me no reason to think that he would cheat, but it wouldn't be hard for him to.
I get on ok with his brothers, but we don't have a lot in common. They go skiing and do all these fancy things; the second eldest is married to an aristocrat, is friends with the royal family and has his own company offices outside Euston in a fancy glass skyscraper. His eldest brother works in law and my boyfriend has helped both of them out through his contacts in his job.
I don't really get on well with his parents. His Mum gives me funny looks and makes rude remarks when my boyfriend is not there. I don't reply to her when she does, I just pretend I never heard it. His father is not interested in me at all and I don't even know if he knows my name. Some of his friends are pretty dubious characters i.e. racist old men, with sex lives like Hugh Hefner; I am not sure if they are true friends but he has to spent time with them networking.
I have not received anything at all from my boyfriend, apart from one or two meals out at restaurants where I didn't know what anything was. I do the cooking when we are at his (I'm not sure when he eats when I am not there as he can't cook) and sometimes I travel down to his to look after his pets when he is abroad on business which is a lot. I didn't get anything for my birthdays nor Christmas (partly because I didn't know what to get him as he can buy whatever he wants anyway).
I haven't introduced him to my family, and I haven't told anyone that I have a boyfriend. I feel that he will feel embarrassed by my family. My parents can't read or write very well and my boyfriend has more bathrooms than my family home has rooms. I would be devastated if my boyfriend was rude about my family and I could never forgive him. I know that his parents would definitely be nasty about my family. I can't ask him to chose between his parents and me, he either does not know or does not want to know the tension between us, but my parents are important to me and I would put them before anyone so I can't ask my boyfriend to pick me over his parents if it ever came down to that.
I have nothing to offer him and I don't want his money. I will never be in a well-paid job in comparison to him, I will never speak eloquently and I will never know be able to discuss private exhibitions, fancy holidays or anything. I love him very much and I would do anything for him. I think he loves me too, but we never discuss our relationship or our future (I don't really have the courage and he never brings it up, he is very quite at home). I feel stuck in a rut and I'm not prepared to let him go just yet. I don't know what to do. I don't know whether he realises how I feel, i.e. uncomfortable and insecure. I am pretty quiet too.
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