I'm 29 years old & my husband is 30. We've been married for 1 year, but we've been together for 10 years. We have 2 kids together & he has a 12 year old from a previous "relationship" (they were just fooling around, and she got pregnant).
I posted in another section, but I realized that this is where I should've posted.
2004-2005 - Our relationship started off rocky. A MONTH after we got together, he had an EA with his best friend's ex-girlfriend (also had an EA with her while his best friend and her were still together). One month after that started, I found out I was pregnant (ended in a miscarriage). The EA lasted for about 7 months. I was young & stupid & chose to live in denial the entire time.
2006-2007 - Found out I was pregnant again (also ended in a miscarriage), a couple months after that I found out I was pregnant for the third time (healthy beautiful baby girl #1). Relationship was good until the ending of my pregnancy. Fought a lot. He didn't want to move out of his parents' house, and I wanted to live with my parents so they could help me with the baby. When baby came, I moved in with my parents and he stayed living with his. He only came over to sleep. Never helped with the baby. Eventually he left me "because I was b***hing too much", but I found out he left me for a girl he worked with.
2008 - That lasted for 9 months. In that time, I became the OW. In my mind, I think I did that because I was doing everything in my power to get my family back together. Eventually he left her to get back with me. I found out 5 months after we got back together that he continued to see her for about 3 months. But he said he was sorry and I believed him and stayed.
During that 9 months, I talked to a few different guys. But I knew my heart was still with him. I tried to force myself to like these other guys. I never slept with anyone else, and out of the 3 guys that I talked to, I only kissed one of them.
2009-2010 - Caught him texting a girl (who I really didn't like) about our relationship problems. I felt like it wasn't a good enough reason to leave him, so I stayed. A few months after that, he started talking to his best friend's ex-girlfriend again and this time there was kissing involved. When I found out, I didn't even have it in my to cry about it. I just packed my things and left.
My feelings changed and for the first time, I felt like I deserved better than that and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He begged and cried for me to take him back and did whatever he could to prove how sorry he was (he had never done that in the past). I knew my feelings weren't the same for him anymore, but I was lonely and continued to see him. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant (healthy beautiful baby girl #2).
Even though my feelings weren't the same, I felt forced to make things work. I couldn't imagine being a pregnant single mother with a 3-year-old. So I went back. I swept everything under the rug and the feelings lived under the surface for years.
2013 - He was doing everything right, he stopped cheating, stopped lying, helped me a little more with the kids, and was supportive of me going back to college. But despite him changing, I still wasn't happy. The unhappy feelings came flooding back and I ended up leaving him. I just wasn't in love with him anymore, and I haven't been in love with him since the last time he cheated. He was heart broken and I've never seen him react that way. He told me that he would wait for me to figure out my feelings.
When I left, I felt very depressed because I felt horrible for hurting him. For a week and a half after I left, he would cry and tell me that he misses me. I could tell how broken he was. Then all of a sudden, he changed and started pushing me away. When he pushed me away, it made me feel sad, unwanted, and lonely. Because I was feeling that way, I started telling him that I wanted to try and see where things go between us. But he said he didn't know what he wanted anymore, and I was confused because a few days before that, he was just telling me how much he missed me and wanted me to come back home.
I ended up finding out that he met someone else and slept with her. When I found out and confronted him about it, he started sobbing and telling me that he was wrong for letting me walk out of his life and that this girl meant nothing to him. I ended up going back to him, but found out that while they were talking (less than a month), they were exchanging "I love yous" and telling each other that they missed each other. Then I found out that even after we got back together and he changed his number and promised he would never talk to her ever again, he called her 3 times and also texted her.
I think I stayed because it was easier. I've been with him for pretty much my whole adult life, and he's all I've known. I'm very dependent on him financially also.
Despite all that had happened in 2013, we ended up getting married at the ending of that year. He was supposed to be offered a job that required us to move, and I thought it would be a good idea for us to be legally married for benefit purposes (medical, etc.) and honestly, I thought that maybe marriage would make me feel different and would make us different.
2015 - But here I am...only a little over a year of marriage and I'm still not happy. I don't know what to do and I feel guilty for wanting to leave. Is that crazy?
I posted in another section, but I realized that this is where I should've posted.
2004-2005 - Our relationship started off rocky. A MONTH after we got together, he had an EA with his best friend's ex-girlfriend (also had an EA with her while his best friend and her were still together). One month after that started, I found out I was pregnant (ended in a miscarriage). The EA lasted for about 7 months. I was young & stupid & chose to live in denial the entire time.
2006-2007 - Found out I was pregnant again (also ended in a miscarriage), a couple months after that I found out I was pregnant for the third time (healthy beautiful baby girl #1). Relationship was good until the ending of my pregnancy. Fought a lot. He didn't want to move out of his parents' house, and I wanted to live with my parents so they could help me with the baby. When baby came, I moved in with my parents and he stayed living with his. He only came over to sleep. Never helped with the baby. Eventually he left me "because I was b***hing too much", but I found out he left me for a girl he worked with.
2008 - That lasted for 9 months. In that time, I became the OW. In my mind, I think I did that because I was doing everything in my power to get my family back together. Eventually he left her to get back with me. I found out 5 months after we got back together that he continued to see her for about 3 months. But he said he was sorry and I believed him and stayed.
During that 9 months, I talked to a few different guys. But I knew my heart was still with him. I tried to force myself to like these other guys. I never slept with anyone else, and out of the 3 guys that I talked to, I only kissed one of them.
2009-2010 - Caught him texting a girl (who I really didn't like) about our relationship problems. I felt like it wasn't a good enough reason to leave him, so I stayed. A few months after that, he started talking to his best friend's ex-girlfriend again and this time there was kissing involved. When I found out, I didn't even have it in my to cry about it. I just packed my things and left.
My feelings changed and for the first time, I felt like I deserved better than that and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He begged and cried for me to take him back and did whatever he could to prove how sorry he was (he had never done that in the past). I knew my feelings weren't the same for him anymore, but I was lonely and continued to see him. Soon after, I found out I was pregnant (healthy beautiful baby girl #2).
Even though my feelings weren't the same, I felt forced to make things work. I couldn't imagine being a pregnant single mother with a 3-year-old. So I went back. I swept everything under the rug and the feelings lived under the surface for years.
2013 - He was doing everything right, he stopped cheating, stopped lying, helped me a little more with the kids, and was supportive of me going back to college. But despite him changing, I still wasn't happy. The unhappy feelings came flooding back and I ended up leaving him. I just wasn't in love with him anymore, and I haven't been in love with him since the last time he cheated. He was heart broken and I've never seen him react that way. He told me that he would wait for me to figure out my feelings.
When I left, I felt very depressed because I felt horrible for hurting him. For a week and a half after I left, he would cry and tell me that he misses me. I could tell how broken he was. Then all of a sudden, he changed and started pushing me away. When he pushed me away, it made me feel sad, unwanted, and lonely. Because I was feeling that way, I started telling him that I wanted to try and see where things go between us. But he said he didn't know what he wanted anymore, and I was confused because a few days before that, he was just telling me how much he missed me and wanted me to come back home.
I ended up finding out that he met someone else and slept with her. When I found out and confronted him about it, he started sobbing and telling me that he was wrong for letting me walk out of his life and that this girl meant nothing to him. I ended up going back to him, but found out that while they were talking (less than a month), they were exchanging "I love yous" and telling each other that they missed each other. Then I found out that even after we got back together and he changed his number and promised he would never talk to her ever again, he called her 3 times and also texted her.
I think I stayed because it was easier. I've been with him for pretty much my whole adult life, and he's all I've known. I'm very dependent on him financially also.
Despite all that had happened in 2013, we ended up getting married at the ending of that year. He was supposed to be offered a job that required us to move, and I thought it would be a good idea for us to be legally married for benefit purposes (medical, etc.) and honestly, I thought that maybe marriage would make me feel different and would make us different.
2015 - But here I am...only a little over a year of marriage and I'm still not happy. I don't know what to do and I feel guilty for wanting to leave. Is that crazy?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment