Hello everyone, I am new to this so bare with me please. I will try to make this as brief as possible.
Been with my husband for almost 10 years (married for 5 years). He has 2 kids (2 baby mama) and I have none. He cheated on me for 2 years in the beginning, I forgave him and got married 3 years after. I have never cheated or given him any reason to think I was cheating. We are both cops and work the same department.
Ok, so theres a few problems in our relationship. First of all, being a step parent is not easy. I am always the bad one (discipliner) and he is always the "friend" to the kids. He lets his kids walk all over him and buys them anything they want. The short of it is that I have no relationship with the kids (13 and 14 years old) because I have always been the "hammer" and the one to say no.
Now on to the next problem. He is very jealous and insecure. Ok, I am a female cop and of course most of my co workers are males. I had a male partner a couple years ago and he made me choose between him or my partner. My husband even went as far as to call my partner up to ask him why he texts me so much. I was so embarrassed. You guys should know that there had never been a time where the texts were flirtatious or even came close to any signs of cheating. Anyway, I chose my husband and lost my partner. I couldn't even (and still can't) text or talk to my old partner. There was nothing going on, strictly good friends.
Fast forward a couple of years..... So, I have another male friend in the department and we partnered up together last year. This partner is married with 3 kids and has actually talked to my husband before. This partner has done nothing to make my husband or anyone believe that he wants more than just a partnership. Again, same thing. My husband got upset and wanted me to end my friendship/partnership with this coworker. My husband went through my phone every day to check my text messages between my partner and I. Again, nothing flirtatious, no signs of cheating. This partner has even asked me to ask my husband to go out together to make him feel more comfortable. I've asked many times and my husband refused.
**Keep in mind that we've had other problems with his insecurities, parenting issues, and his spending over the years.
I told him I wasn't going to end my partnership with this male friend because I did that before and I ended up losing a very good friend. I also told him I was unwilling to base my job around his insecurities for the next 25 years of my career. He finally excepted it and dealt with it. Unfortunately, the partnership only lasted 3 months due to our department biding. I got moved to another part of the city in the beginning of this year (Im sure my husband was jumping for joy inside).
Last night, my husband got mad at me because he looked through my phone and saw that I was still talking and texting my old partner. We're friends.. I cant have friends?? I knew he would do this and could've erased the conversation but didn't because theres nothing to hide. Of course, like always he gave me the cold shoulders all night and ignored me because he was mad at me. I spoke very calmly to him (because I'm to the point where I don't want to argue about this anymore) and asked him to talk to me like an adult. He refused and went to bed (like he does all the time, and ignores for days). I feel so disrespected when he does this. I told him he should really think about what he wants because he has everything right in front of him and it would be a shame if he lost everything due to his insecurities and stubbornness.
And this is just an FYI: We have been trying to have a baby for 5 years and it hasn't happened. Both got checked early last year and we are both fine. Due to the "problems" in our relationship I didn't think bringing a baby into this world was the best thing to do, so I held off and put that motion aside last year. Just the other day, we had the "baby conversation" again and I decided to go back to the OB to see what was going on. I told him that if he was serious about this, I needed him to be 100% if I am going to be 100%. He agreed and said he was ready.
Really???? Every time I think I want to move forward with him, he always gives me a reason not to. Im 32, he's 43. I have no extra baggage, he has a lot. I do want a baby, but am I suppose to wait until the day he comes around??? I'm not a saint by any means and their are always 2 sides to the story, but believe me, this has been my life for the last 10 years.
So am I being unreasonable or is he?? Sorry, I tried my best to keep it short but it didn't really work. PLEASE HELP....
Been with my husband for almost 10 years (married for 5 years). He has 2 kids (2 baby mama) and I have none. He cheated on me for 2 years in the beginning, I forgave him and got married 3 years after. I have never cheated or given him any reason to think I was cheating. We are both cops and work the same department.
Ok, so theres a few problems in our relationship. First of all, being a step parent is not easy. I am always the bad one (discipliner) and he is always the "friend" to the kids. He lets his kids walk all over him and buys them anything they want. The short of it is that I have no relationship with the kids (13 and 14 years old) because I have always been the "hammer" and the one to say no.
Now on to the next problem. He is very jealous and insecure. Ok, I am a female cop and of course most of my co workers are males. I had a male partner a couple years ago and he made me choose between him or my partner. My husband even went as far as to call my partner up to ask him why he texts me so much. I was so embarrassed. You guys should know that there had never been a time where the texts were flirtatious or even came close to any signs of cheating. Anyway, I chose my husband and lost my partner. I couldn't even (and still can't) text or talk to my old partner. There was nothing going on, strictly good friends.
Fast forward a couple of years..... So, I have another male friend in the department and we partnered up together last year. This partner is married with 3 kids and has actually talked to my husband before. This partner has done nothing to make my husband or anyone believe that he wants more than just a partnership. Again, same thing. My husband got upset and wanted me to end my friendship/partnership with this coworker. My husband went through my phone every day to check my text messages between my partner and I. Again, nothing flirtatious, no signs of cheating. This partner has even asked me to ask my husband to go out together to make him feel more comfortable. I've asked many times and my husband refused.
**Keep in mind that we've had other problems with his insecurities, parenting issues, and his spending over the years.
I told him I wasn't going to end my partnership with this male friend because I did that before and I ended up losing a very good friend. I also told him I was unwilling to base my job around his insecurities for the next 25 years of my career. He finally excepted it and dealt with it. Unfortunately, the partnership only lasted 3 months due to our department biding. I got moved to another part of the city in the beginning of this year (Im sure my husband was jumping for joy inside).
Last night, my husband got mad at me because he looked through my phone and saw that I was still talking and texting my old partner. We're friends.. I cant have friends?? I knew he would do this and could've erased the conversation but didn't because theres nothing to hide. Of course, like always he gave me the cold shoulders all night and ignored me because he was mad at me. I spoke very calmly to him (because I'm to the point where I don't want to argue about this anymore) and asked him to talk to me like an adult. He refused and went to bed (like he does all the time, and ignores for days). I feel so disrespected when he does this. I told him he should really think about what he wants because he has everything right in front of him and it would be a shame if he lost everything due to his insecurities and stubbornness.
And this is just an FYI: We have been trying to have a baby for 5 years and it hasn't happened. Both got checked early last year and we are both fine. Due to the "problems" in our relationship I didn't think bringing a baby into this world was the best thing to do, so I held off and put that motion aside last year. Just the other day, we had the "baby conversation" again and I decided to go back to the OB to see what was going on. I told him that if he was serious about this, I needed him to be 100% if I am going to be 100%. He agreed and said he was ready.
Really???? Every time I think I want to move forward with him, he always gives me a reason not to. Im 32, he's 43. I have no extra baggage, he has a lot. I do want a baby, but am I suppose to wait until the day he comes around??? I'm not a saint by any means and their are always 2 sides to the story, but believe me, this has been my life for the last 10 years.
So am I being unreasonable or is he?? Sorry, I tried my best to keep it short but it didn't really work. PLEASE HELP....
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