The title may be a little extreme - he seems to know why, but not really.
The story: My husband and I have been together for many years, and have 1 toddler. Since before the baby, we've had our share of problems, and they've just grown. Prior to getting pregnant, he had a slightly inappropriate relationship with a co-worker. Mostly just too friendly. His manager had a problem with it and embarrased them about it and I realized how bad it must be if they were behaving that way while at work. I didn't shut it down as strongly as I should have, and I've been holding on to the anger about it ever since. He actually invited her to our house (I did agree to it) and actually flirted with her in front of me. And really did not get that he did anything wrong.
Then pregnancy and baby. I had (undiagnosed) PPD for a while, my husband was great with helping with the baby and taking care of the house, but kind of just left me to mentally wallow in my own darkness. I don't know that he even noticed. He'd get mad when he'd come home and the house would be dark, I'd have spit up (from the baby) on me that I hadn't changed and barely cleaned up. Just made it worse.
Gradually I just worked my way out of it, and I've started feeling better. In the last few months started being ok with having someone watch our baby so we could go out, etc. I guess it was too late for him. He says that I've abandoned him and want nothing to do with him physically. It's not true and I feel awful that he feels that way and I got us into counseling to try to work through this. NOTE: He said he was going to find us a counselor about 2 months before, and then just never did it.
So, we've had two counseling sessions. And then Saturday night I looked in his phone because he's been acting secretive (making sure to never leave his phone out of sight in particular). I found evidence that he's been having inappropriate conversations with two different women, one a co-worker, and one a woman he went to high school with, and I know he has spent time with while supposedly out for the night with a male friend (I want to believe that they just "happened" to meet up, but now with this, how can I?). We had a blow up and have gone back and forth about separating or not, working through this or just calling it quits. I'm an emotional mess and don't know what to do.
I'm lost on this aspect - I don't know how we can move forward if he doesn't seem to understand that our marital problems do not excuse his behavior. How do I get him to understand this? I mean, FFS, we were in counseling to work on our marriage and he was actively seeking relationships outside our marriage and he doesn't see why this is so terribly wrong.
The story: My husband and I have been together for many years, and have 1 toddler. Since before the baby, we've had our share of problems, and they've just grown. Prior to getting pregnant, he had a slightly inappropriate relationship with a co-worker. Mostly just too friendly. His manager had a problem with it and embarrased them about it and I realized how bad it must be if they were behaving that way while at work. I didn't shut it down as strongly as I should have, and I've been holding on to the anger about it ever since. He actually invited her to our house (I did agree to it) and actually flirted with her in front of me. And really did not get that he did anything wrong.
Then pregnancy and baby. I had (undiagnosed) PPD for a while, my husband was great with helping with the baby and taking care of the house, but kind of just left me to mentally wallow in my own darkness. I don't know that he even noticed. He'd get mad when he'd come home and the house would be dark, I'd have spit up (from the baby) on me that I hadn't changed and barely cleaned up. Just made it worse.
Gradually I just worked my way out of it, and I've started feeling better. In the last few months started being ok with having someone watch our baby so we could go out, etc. I guess it was too late for him. He says that I've abandoned him and want nothing to do with him physically. It's not true and I feel awful that he feels that way and I got us into counseling to try to work through this. NOTE: He said he was going to find us a counselor about 2 months before, and then just never did it.
So, we've had two counseling sessions. And then Saturday night I looked in his phone because he's been acting secretive (making sure to never leave his phone out of sight in particular). I found evidence that he's been having inappropriate conversations with two different women, one a co-worker, and one a woman he went to high school with, and I know he has spent time with while supposedly out for the night with a male friend (I want to believe that they just "happened" to meet up, but now with this, how can I?). We had a blow up and have gone back and forth about separating or not, working through this or just calling it quits. I'm an emotional mess and don't know what to do.
I'm lost on this aspect - I don't know how we can move forward if he doesn't seem to understand that our marital problems do not excuse his behavior. How do I get him to understand this? I mean, FFS, we were in counseling to work on our marriage and he was actively seeking relationships outside our marriage and he doesn't see why this is so terribly wrong.
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