I have an issue with my daughter controlling my life which I have been unable, or unwilling to stop. First my daughter has an issue with authority and, I feel, is a control freak. This led her to run away with a boy she barely knew at 15, and when she returned home six weeks later she was pregnant and a mother at 16. Although I was saddened and sickened by the event, I fell in love with my new granddaughter and she has been the apple of my eye ever since.
The problem is my daughter knows this and has used my granddaughter as leverage against me ever since to get what she wants from me. After my first marriage fell apart I met and eventually married another woman that I felt a great connection with. My now grown daughter wasn't having any part of it and was constantly bad-mouthing and putting down my new wife. I foolishly let her get away with it because whenever I would tell her she is not going to act like that towards my wife she would keep my granddaughter away from me. Sometimes for months at a time. Finally my wife had had enough and in her own way retaliated to far the other direction. Since my daughter and my mother had been so ugly to her then none of my family, including all of my grandchildren, I had five at the time, were allowed to our house. This caused a lot of problems between us. Then about a year ago my daughter called me about 1:00 AM and said she and my granddaughter had been fighting and that my gran ddaughter was coming to live with me. I told her she's nuts. I said I would take her for the night so things can calm down, but no way she's coming to live. My wife went beserk yelling your kids are not coming over here. If I wasn't good enough for them to come around before how come now I'm good enough for your granddaughter to live with. Again this led to an ongoing argument, which led to a seperation, which led to our divorce.
Now fast forward to this year. My daughter called me again and said my granddaughter is coming to live with me as she can't control her. I do know my granddaughter can get a mouth on her, but I don't think more or less so than a lot of teenagers, especially girls. I belive that now my daughter and her husband have 3 smaller children ages 7 thru 1 year and my daughter is ready for my oldest granddaughter, who is now 17 to be out of the house so she can focus on the other children and she uses these flair ups as justification for it.
I told my daughter again she can come for a few days but no way is she living with me. I'm 58 years old, live in a small one bedroom apartment and have been looking forward to doing the things I want to do, not what someone else wants me to. My daughter tells me well she's not living here and if she has to go into the street that's where she'll go. A few years ago my daughter pulled her out of school and started home schooling her which meant she sat infront of a computer all day. I was always sick about this. At times I felt that since my daughter got pregnant and became a mother at such an early age, she is sometimes jealous to see her daughter have the childhood she never had and resents her for it. Just my thoughts.
Anyway now my granddaughter is with me and I'm taking her back and forth to school and to her job, which means I'm always having to adjust lunch time at my job and I'm really resnting my own daughter because I feel once again she wins. She uses my love of my granddaughter against me to get what she wants. I really don't know what to do at this point. My apartment is too small for us and I'm not ready to try to find a larger place. I can take my granddaughter back and say here, she's your kid you take care of her like you're damn well supposed to. But I know her she will turn her out. I saw her do her own mother like that. So I'm in this fearful place now. Any suggestions?
The problem is my daughter knows this and has used my granddaughter as leverage against me ever since to get what she wants from me. After my first marriage fell apart I met and eventually married another woman that I felt a great connection with. My now grown daughter wasn't having any part of it and was constantly bad-mouthing and putting down my new wife. I foolishly let her get away with it because whenever I would tell her she is not going to act like that towards my wife she would keep my granddaughter away from me. Sometimes for months at a time. Finally my wife had had enough and in her own way retaliated to far the other direction. Since my daughter and my mother had been so ugly to her then none of my family, including all of my grandchildren, I had five at the time, were allowed to our house. This caused a lot of problems between us. Then about a year ago my daughter called me about 1:00 AM and said she and my granddaughter had been fighting and that my gran ddaughter was coming to live with me. I told her she's nuts. I said I would take her for the night so things can calm down, but no way she's coming to live. My wife went beserk yelling your kids are not coming over here. If I wasn't good enough for them to come around before how come now I'm good enough for your granddaughter to live with. Again this led to an ongoing argument, which led to a seperation, which led to our divorce.
Now fast forward to this year. My daughter called me again and said my granddaughter is coming to live with me as she can't control her. I do know my granddaughter can get a mouth on her, but I don't think more or less so than a lot of teenagers, especially girls. I belive that now my daughter and her husband have 3 smaller children ages 7 thru 1 year and my daughter is ready for my oldest granddaughter, who is now 17 to be out of the house so she can focus on the other children and she uses these flair ups as justification for it.
I told my daughter again she can come for a few days but no way is she living with me. I'm 58 years old, live in a small one bedroom apartment and have been looking forward to doing the things I want to do, not what someone else wants me to. My daughter tells me well she's not living here and if she has to go into the street that's where she'll go. A few years ago my daughter pulled her out of school and started home schooling her which meant she sat infront of a computer all day. I was always sick about this. At times I felt that since my daughter got pregnant and became a mother at such an early age, she is sometimes jealous to see her daughter have the childhood she never had and resents her for it. Just my thoughts.
Anyway now my granddaughter is with me and I'm taking her back and forth to school and to her job, which means I'm always having to adjust lunch time at my job and I'm really resnting my own daughter because I feel once again she wins. She uses my love of my granddaughter against me to get what she wants. I really don't know what to do at this point. My apartment is too small for us and I'm not ready to try to find a larger place. I can take my granddaughter back and say here, she's your kid you take care of her like you're damn well supposed to. But I know her she will turn her out. I saw her do her own mother like that. So I'm in this fearful place now. Any suggestions?
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