I hesitate to write this because we have been pretty good the last few weeks. It is hard to write what has been hurting me for so long when I feel ok right now, but this is how it always goes. There are times when things are great, my husband is trying, and then something sets him off.
History: I am 31 and my husband is almost 35. We have been married for nearly 7 years and together for 10. We have two children together (5 and 7) and he has two children from a previous marriage (12 and 14). He married very young to his first wife, had children very young and divorced very young. He states infidelity on her part, but I hesitate to think that is the only reason she left him now.
I feel like our problems really started when we first started dating. He was new out of his marriage and I don't think had enough time to heal. I was young, naïve and in-love. Looking back, I should have ran far away after many of the stunts that were pulled then.
The insecurity and jealousy on his part really started after our first son was born. He doesn't like people looking at me, talking to me and the thought of me potentially being hit on will send him into a full on accusatory rage. Even though I never get hit on directly. He goes through spells where I have to constantly reassure him that I love him, that I want only him and that there isn't anyone else. He is always accusing me of being up to no good and thinks I lie about everything. He doesn't know, but I receive emails every time he does the "find my iPhone" for me, which is numerous times throughout the day. It doesn't bother me because I am not lying, but then it does because he doesn't trust me enough to know that I am not lying.
If I workout it is to impress other people, if I go tan it is to impress other people, if I want my hair done I am high maintenance and I want to impress other people.
He always tells me I don't love him, I don't care about him and that I "used to" love him and care about more. To be honest, that might be true to some degree, but I feel so indifferent anymore. I am emotionally exhausted. The constant accusations and reassurances are exhausting.
I do everything for him and the kids. Recently he has started helping out more with cooking and cleaning, but I am sure that will go back to him sitting on the couch while I cook, clean and help with the kids homework. I am physically exhausted, too.
I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells wondering what will set him off. I can immediately tell when I am talking to him if he is in one of his moods. He is distant, short and just plain grumpy.
He is a pessimist- he always thinks something different than what I said. He will literally turn what I say around into something completely different to make it sound terrible, like I hate him. We will be arguing and I feel like I am talking in circles. I tell him constantly that he exhausts me.
I have suggested marriage counseling, but he refuses. The last fight I told him that I would at least go to IC, but he was against that saying they would just tell me to leave him. I think he might be right.
On top of all of this, he has punched holes in our wall, called me a **** and gotten very angry when drunk- just leave it at that.
I don't even know why I am writing. I feel like my head knows what to do, but I just can't let go. I do love him when things are going well. I am a strong woman, or I used to be. I have a wonderful career and could easily take care of myself, so it isn't financial.
Maybe I just need to talk it out.
History: I am 31 and my husband is almost 35. We have been married for nearly 7 years and together for 10. We have two children together (5 and 7) and he has two children from a previous marriage (12 and 14). He married very young to his first wife, had children very young and divorced very young. He states infidelity on her part, but I hesitate to think that is the only reason she left him now.
I feel like our problems really started when we first started dating. He was new out of his marriage and I don't think had enough time to heal. I was young, naïve and in-love. Looking back, I should have ran far away after many of the stunts that were pulled then.
The insecurity and jealousy on his part really started after our first son was born. He doesn't like people looking at me, talking to me and the thought of me potentially being hit on will send him into a full on accusatory rage. Even though I never get hit on directly. He goes through spells where I have to constantly reassure him that I love him, that I want only him and that there isn't anyone else. He is always accusing me of being up to no good and thinks I lie about everything. He doesn't know, but I receive emails every time he does the "find my iPhone" for me, which is numerous times throughout the day. It doesn't bother me because I am not lying, but then it does because he doesn't trust me enough to know that I am not lying.
If I workout it is to impress other people, if I go tan it is to impress other people, if I want my hair done I am high maintenance and I want to impress other people.
He always tells me I don't love him, I don't care about him and that I "used to" love him and care about more. To be honest, that might be true to some degree, but I feel so indifferent anymore. I am emotionally exhausted. The constant accusations and reassurances are exhausting.
I do everything for him and the kids. Recently he has started helping out more with cooking and cleaning, but I am sure that will go back to him sitting on the couch while I cook, clean and help with the kids homework. I am physically exhausted, too.
I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells wondering what will set him off. I can immediately tell when I am talking to him if he is in one of his moods. He is distant, short and just plain grumpy.
He is a pessimist- he always thinks something different than what I said. He will literally turn what I say around into something completely different to make it sound terrible, like I hate him. We will be arguing and I feel like I am talking in circles. I tell him constantly that he exhausts me.
I have suggested marriage counseling, but he refuses. The last fight I told him that I would at least go to IC, but he was against that saying they would just tell me to leave him. I think he might be right.
On top of all of this, he has punched holes in our wall, called me a **** and gotten very angry when drunk- just leave it at that.
I don't even know why I am writing. I feel like my head knows what to do, but I just can't let go. I do love him when things are going well. I am a strong woman, or I used to be. I have a wonderful career and could easily take care of myself, so it isn't financial.
Maybe I just need to talk it out.
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