Hey all, been reading through the forum for some time now and been taking advice that has been given to others and using it in my situation but now I feel like I need to post to let some of it out and get a more personal opinion sorry for the long post.
Fiancé and I have been together for 5years engaged for 1 and have a 2yr D I'm 27 she's 25 and smoking hot but hates attention ..when we first got together she moved right in we were so attached, sex all the time parents love me, became part of her family ..Was great for about 2yrs, until she started on antidepressants for panic attacks then everything kinda went sour she completely changed started going out became real distant. Sex stopped had stopped and found that she cheated. which she never admitted, even when caught in the act(not a pleasant experience),broke up, she got off the meds which was a night and day personality change, started coming over to my place at the time to R which led to my daughter being born. So we started working on our relationship to the point to where I could trust her again.
Until about a year ago where I started to notice the affection and passion dwindling, again. No real connection any more just sitting on her phone. Sex was kind of a hit or miss at times because of the baby in our bed. But it came to a stop eventually too. She started becoming very annoyed about everything, treating me like a POS, I started feeling very alone and when I got sick of it she dropped the ILYBNILWY, it actually came up every time I got emotional with her about how she was acting.
So that being a big red flag (that I learned from this site) I started my snooping and found that she changed all her passwords that were once open to me, didn't really think of it much till the phone bill came and saw 600+ texts to a number that I didn't know, looked it up found out she has been contacting her ex bf I don't know if this was a full blown PA or not but it really doesn't matter because cheating is cheating, At that point I started throwing her stuff out the door and shut her phone off and blocked the guys# which normally I wouldn't have done but at the time I got finished with reading NMMNG so I was a bit testy trying not to let her do this to me again and standing up for myself. So then came the waterworks and the sorrys. Which I didn't feel were sincere at all she was just sorry I caught her, but for two days she was acting like how I haven't seen in years very affectionate very emotional very sexual.
So me being as lonely as I was, I gave in and accepted which was a mistake because the next day it was back to the cold person she was, which again I got very emotional and angry about how she can go from hot to cold, she stated again ILYBNILWY and wanted to move out. I started to panic and didn't know how to react because all of this comes at a very bad time because I just got laid off for the winter and we both share a lease so I was stuck with very minimal amount of money there was no way to pay for this place my self. Started to do a modified light 180, if she was going to go I wasn't going to stop her. So she decided to stay, and started back to being normal such as morning and goodbye kisses started having fun together asked if we were "OK".
Things felt like they were improving some went to a concert together. Then it came up she said that we weren't in or working on our relationship. she says there isn't anyone else and wants to be friends,but I don't believe her for a second all of the red flags are there. So now I am just completely done with it all. I'm in full blown 180 mode, working out the whole 9 kicked her out of my bed, no contact, everything. I told her to be in this 100% or be out 100% she said she doesn't want me like that anymore which hurt but I kept my ground and said fine. I do love her with all of my heart i did want us to work but I am just so exhausted
So the questions I have are
Does this seem like lingering affair fog? Or is it just she doesn't love me anymore?
Given my situation I don't know where to go from here. Do I leave? And loose my lease my deposit? Don't really have any money for another appt. Do I stay? And finish out the lease with no contact with ex??
Do I try to make things civil?? I really don't want her to feel comfortable.
Fiancé and I have been together for 5years engaged for 1 and have a 2yr D I'm 27 she's 25 and smoking hot but hates attention ..when we first got together she moved right in we were so attached, sex all the time parents love me, became part of her family ..Was great for about 2yrs, until she started on antidepressants for panic attacks then everything kinda went sour she completely changed started going out became real distant. Sex stopped had stopped and found that she cheated. which she never admitted, even when caught in the act(not a pleasant experience),broke up, she got off the meds which was a night and day personality change, started coming over to my place at the time to R which led to my daughter being born. So we started working on our relationship to the point to where I could trust her again.
Until about a year ago where I started to notice the affection and passion dwindling, again. No real connection any more just sitting on her phone. Sex was kind of a hit or miss at times because of the baby in our bed. But it came to a stop eventually too. She started becoming very annoyed about everything, treating me like a POS, I started feeling very alone and when I got sick of it she dropped the ILYBNILWY, it actually came up every time I got emotional with her about how she was acting.
So that being a big red flag (that I learned from this site) I started my snooping and found that she changed all her passwords that were once open to me, didn't really think of it much till the phone bill came and saw 600+ texts to a number that I didn't know, looked it up found out she has been contacting her ex bf I don't know if this was a full blown PA or not but it really doesn't matter because cheating is cheating, At that point I started throwing her stuff out the door and shut her phone off and blocked the guys# which normally I wouldn't have done but at the time I got finished with reading NMMNG so I was a bit testy trying not to let her do this to me again and standing up for myself. So then came the waterworks and the sorrys. Which I didn't feel were sincere at all she was just sorry I caught her, but for two days she was acting like how I haven't seen in years very affectionate very emotional very sexual.
So me being as lonely as I was, I gave in and accepted which was a mistake because the next day it was back to the cold person she was, which again I got very emotional and angry about how she can go from hot to cold, she stated again ILYBNILWY and wanted to move out. I started to panic and didn't know how to react because all of this comes at a very bad time because I just got laid off for the winter and we both share a lease so I was stuck with very minimal amount of money there was no way to pay for this place my self. Started to do a modified light 180, if she was going to go I wasn't going to stop her. So she decided to stay, and started back to being normal such as morning and goodbye kisses started having fun together asked if we were "OK".
Things felt like they were improving some went to a concert together. Then it came up she said that we weren't in or working on our relationship. she says there isn't anyone else and wants to be friends,but I don't believe her for a second all of the red flags are there. So now I am just completely done with it all. I'm in full blown 180 mode, working out the whole 9 kicked her out of my bed, no contact, everything. I told her to be in this 100% or be out 100% she said she doesn't want me like that anymore which hurt but I kept my ground and said fine. I do love her with all of my heart i did want us to work but I am just so exhausted
So the questions I have are
Does this seem like lingering affair fog? Or is it just she doesn't love me anymore?
Given my situation I don't know where to go from here. Do I leave? And loose my lease my deposit? Don't really have any money for another appt. Do I stay? And finish out the lease with no contact with ex??
Do I try to make things civil?? I really don't want her to feel comfortable.
Put the internet to work for you.
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