New to this... OK, I'm 35, married since the age of 30 to my wife who is now aged 31. Together for nearly ten years, no kids yet (although we're trying). She was my first girlfriend, and my sexual experience before meeting her was very limited. I wasn't quite a virgin but I certainly never 'sewed my wild oats'. I'm a good-looking guy, but I've always found it very difficult to approach women that I'm attracted to. Hence, I sort of fell into my relationship with my wife, from a basis of hanging out and being friends. I even resisted the relationship for a little while.
I love my wife: she is my best friend; we share almost everything and I find it difficult to imagine not being with her. At the same time, I am deeply conflicted and feel like my life is a daily internal struggle. The thing is, I never lusted after her, never felt the butterflies and the infatuation and the urge to rip her clothes off. I've never really had that with anybody –– never experienced what people tend to describe as 'being in love', other than unrequitedly. Every day, I have an intense desire to have this experience with someone. I haven't cheated, but I constantly think about it, and if the opportunity arose I'm not sure I'd be able to resist. I wasn't even gonna come on here, but I just saw the most beautiful woman in a café and felt an urgent need to vent. When I see a woman that I'm really attracted to my heart feels so heavy; I feel so frustrated and it invariably ruins my mood for a long while afterwards.
My wife is pretty, but I've never had that intense level of attraction that I have felt for innumerable other women (acquaintances and strangers in the street) past and present, and whom I see around me on a daily basis. In short, I'm not satisfied sexually, and I constantly feel like I've missed out on something important (at least, important to me).
I feel hugely guilty for thinking like this, and guilty for coming onto this forum. But the fact is I've felt like this for nearly a decade (this is not a new feeling), and I'm terrified of waking up in another ten years and feeling the same way, but twice as frustrated for twice as much time having passed. At the same time, I'm not a very pro-active person, and I doubt I'd have the balls to break up (and shudder at the thought of inflicting that pain on my wife), and to go it alone (I'm pretty financially dependent on her, and on our partnership).
I don't really know what kind of response I'm looking for on here. But these, I suppose, are among my questions: Is this situation normal? Is it typical male bulls**t? Was it wrong of me ever to have stayed in the relationship for as long as I have, without being attracted to my wife? She wants children –– marriage has made me feel trapped and I'm terrified that I would resent children for making me feel even more so.
I love my wife: she is my best friend; we share almost everything and I find it difficult to imagine not being with her. At the same time, I am deeply conflicted and feel like my life is a daily internal struggle. The thing is, I never lusted after her, never felt the butterflies and the infatuation and the urge to rip her clothes off. I've never really had that with anybody –– never experienced what people tend to describe as 'being in love', other than unrequitedly. Every day, I have an intense desire to have this experience with someone. I haven't cheated, but I constantly think about it, and if the opportunity arose I'm not sure I'd be able to resist. I wasn't even gonna come on here, but I just saw the most beautiful woman in a café and felt an urgent need to vent. When I see a woman that I'm really attracted to my heart feels so heavy; I feel so frustrated and it invariably ruins my mood for a long while afterwards.
My wife is pretty, but I've never had that intense level of attraction that I have felt for innumerable other women (acquaintances and strangers in the street) past and present, and whom I see around me on a daily basis. In short, I'm not satisfied sexually, and I constantly feel like I've missed out on something important (at least, important to me).
I feel hugely guilty for thinking like this, and guilty for coming onto this forum. But the fact is I've felt like this for nearly a decade (this is not a new feeling), and I'm terrified of waking up in another ten years and feeling the same way, but twice as frustrated for twice as much time having passed. At the same time, I'm not a very pro-active person, and I doubt I'd have the balls to break up (and shudder at the thought of inflicting that pain on my wife), and to go it alone (I'm pretty financially dependent on her, and on our partnership).
I don't really know what kind of response I'm looking for on here. But these, I suppose, are among my questions: Is this situation normal? Is it typical male bulls**t? Was it wrong of me ever to have stayed in the relationship for as long as I have, without being attracted to my wife? She wants children –– marriage has made me feel trapped and I'm terrified that I would resent children for making me feel even more so.
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