Something happened and been crying for on and off 2-3 hours now. I usually manage to keep myself together, and I just lost it today. Guess the reason im sharing this is because I need to get it off my chest.
What i'm doing now is not living, I'm merely surviving. I cant concentrate on anything, and everything hurts. I dont want any advice saying to take anti-depressants, Im just saying this because I guess I want someone to care. I feel so alone. It gets so painful sometimes, that I just sit in mere awe.
I got locked out of my own house, in the middle of the night, and had a meeting at work the next day. I went in, and hadnt eaten anything, and started crying in front of my boss, and told her what happened and about my problems because beforehand, she said that shes there if i ever need to talk, and i did and then she ends up firing me.
I get interrogated on everything I do, and its like Im not aloud to be happy. I stay locked up in my room for days on end, and its like a prison. Worse. Only come down for food and bathroom. No tv in my room, my phone has basically kept me alive some days, no joke. Even though Im locked up in my room all day, everyday, no one seems to question or notice. I cant. I just cant. Some people are so cold, and forget understanding me, they treat me like a worthless piece of. Forgive me, I feel bad because i wrote that, i try to restrain myself talking bad about other people, but honestly, i wanna get this off my chest. They just laugh at stuff that means the world to me, and belittle everything that im passionate about, and even me.
The sad thing is I cant get away from these people, and have overdosed on pills before, but have no plans of hurting myself anymore. Why would they care. It hurts so much. My life, well I actually have no life. Cant study or concentrate, lost a job, boss didnt say the words, but i can tell she fired me because of me having depression. I worked hard and put so much into that job too.
Ive completed half my uni course, and have no motivation whatsoever to finish other half. Why does no one understand what im going through? I'm crying again. I know its gonna get worse. I have no emotional support. I feel like not doing anything and stay in bed all day. Barely have a proper conversation with anyone anymore. Saying that even when i give it my all, its not enough. No friends. 23 years ive been alive. Im grateful for life, dont get me wrong but just want some hope that humanity still out there, that there are still genuine people out there. Dont be strangers. Thanks for reading x
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