I waited a long time to have a baby. I met my husband when I was 24, he is 5 years older. We dated, I moved to California for him, because he wanted to live there again. 6 years went by and I was about ready to leave, when he mentioned something about getting married. I asked him to propose. He never did. He lost his job before buying me a ring, he was unemployed for a year before we got married and one more year after we wed. Two years went by, and we both worked a lot, then I found out I was pregnant. We were not preventing, but we were not trying. He was elated, I was scared. Throughout my pregnancy, he was distant, cold, and did not want to feel the baby move, go with me to prenatal or ultrasound appointments, and said cruel things to me about being pregnant. I am a very attractive, outgoing, bubbly and warm person with many friends and I worked three jobs up until I found out I was pregnant, then worked two jobs, one full time, one part. I worked nearly up to my due date, and then worked from home for one job on maternity. After I had the baby, my husband no longer approaches me to have sex. He immediately became cruel and mean after we brought the baby home, and he never says he loves me. I gained 50 pounds for my baby and lost all but 8. I am 130 pounds and even more attractive, according to many, after having had the baby and putting on some curves. The only positive thing my husband has said to me since giving birth is, "you make cute babies", and he was made to say that in therapy with our marriage counselor. He hasn't said anything nice to me since my baby was born nearly two years ago. She will be two in February. He avoids me, lies to me about where he is going, and threatens not to come home after work. I had severe PPD after having my baby, and he exacerbated it by even teasing me about my postpartum depression. I was suicidal for a long time, but I feel better now. I am still on my anti -depressants, but no longer suicidal. I had sex under ten times with my husband in nearly three years, and two of those times were initiated by him. I had to beg, or bargain for him to make love to me, if you could call it that, the other times we had sex. Since leaving him for the summer for a few months, yeah, I left him over verbal abuses he rendered on Mother's Day this year; anyway....after leaving him, I had sex three times, once with a friend I have known for a bit that was a patient at my office, and twice with a male friend who is married, but has been attracted to me since before we were both married to other people. I continue to plan having sex with my one male friend, as we both enjoy it, we have a great connection, but don't want to leave our spouses who refuse to have sex with us. I love my husband, but he shows me no emotion or love in return. I don't know if I can continue to live like this, because I am losing my taste for a loving relationship and th inking of leaving him permanently and being alone, as I now distrust men. I would like to love someone like I once loved him, but it's been torn from me to have the ability to do so anymore.
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