A little background. Im 29, H is 32.. Been together for 13 years , married for 8. H is a handsome guy, has a good paying job and is very successful at work. Works long hours. He leaves at 9 am returns back at almost 9 pm. We have 2 girls and a boy, ages 5 and under. So of course life is a bit hectic and difficult with them being so young.
Our marriage was never a great one. We've had our ups and -an awful lot of- downs in our relationship. But right now we are in a very dull place. We sleep on the same bed, but we're miles and miles away from each other. I can honestly say that i don't feel any connection to my husband anymore. Our sex life is almost non existent. And even when we do have sex, it is just so mechanical and quick that it makes me resent him even more. We've totally lost the spark in our relationship. Its more like i love him but I'm not in love with him.
I think that our kids are the reason we are still together. Just for the record, my H is a good guy. He loves his kids and provides well for the family, so its not like i'm being abused in the relationship. But i feel that we are total opposites. We don't share any hobbies. Both of us have our own separate lives.
We talked a lot about it and its clear that we both hold a ton of resentment against each other. He let me down a lot and he wasn't "emotionally" there for me when i really needed him. My husband was never my friend. Actually he's the last one I'd ever think of talking to when i need to. Because when i do talk to him, He pretends like he's listening but he's just not there. He's always distracted at home , he's either on facebook, playing xbox or editing his pictures, he took on this hobby lately and its overtaking his life. When we go out or travel he's so distracted taking pictures. When we're home he's so distracted editing pictures. Its come to the point that I Hate going out with him. When i complain that its become too much, he resents me for it.
He says I'm always criticizing him and treating him like he's one of my children and this makes him pull away from me. I realize this is true and i'm trying not to do this but it's so hard when he sometimes acts just like them. He says that i don't understand his sense of humor and that I'm always serious all the time. And that I don't show my emotions and I'm not romantic with him anymore. All of this is true.
The strange thing is that we both know what the other wants. We talked a lot throughout our relationship about that. We know them by heart. After every conversation things get better for 2 days and then we're back to the same point. It's like we're acting and forcing ourselves to change. It's so fake that we both just stop. When i tell him love him, I don't really meant it. When he says it to me, i don't feel it. I suggested going to a marriage counselor but he refused it profusely.
I'm at a point where i feel that theres more to life than this life I'm living. I started going to the gym daily. I take dancing classes. I go out with my friends. I started looking for a job, against his wish. He wants me to be a SAHM but i can't take it anymore. There is a huge thing missing in my life and i just don't know what this thing is.
I really don't know what i want from this post, but i just want to ask, is this the way marriages normally are? So dull and boring that you keep wondering how on earth did you end up here? Should i just accept the fact that this is how our life was meant to be and just go with the flow? It's not a bad marriage. We don't hate each other. We trust each other. We're used to being together, but is there any hope in improving our marriage?
That really turned out so long. Thanks for making it this far.
Our marriage was never a great one. We've had our ups and -an awful lot of- downs in our relationship. But right now we are in a very dull place. We sleep on the same bed, but we're miles and miles away from each other. I can honestly say that i don't feel any connection to my husband anymore. Our sex life is almost non existent. And even when we do have sex, it is just so mechanical and quick that it makes me resent him even more. We've totally lost the spark in our relationship. Its more like i love him but I'm not in love with him.
I think that our kids are the reason we are still together. Just for the record, my H is a good guy. He loves his kids and provides well for the family, so its not like i'm being abused in the relationship. But i feel that we are total opposites. We don't share any hobbies. Both of us have our own separate lives.
We talked a lot about it and its clear that we both hold a ton of resentment against each other. He let me down a lot and he wasn't "emotionally" there for me when i really needed him. My husband was never my friend. Actually he's the last one I'd ever think of talking to when i need to. Because when i do talk to him, He pretends like he's listening but he's just not there. He's always distracted at home , he's either on facebook, playing xbox or editing his pictures, he took on this hobby lately and its overtaking his life. When we go out or travel he's so distracted taking pictures. When we're home he's so distracted editing pictures. Its come to the point that I Hate going out with him. When i complain that its become too much, he resents me for it.
He says I'm always criticizing him and treating him like he's one of my children and this makes him pull away from me. I realize this is true and i'm trying not to do this but it's so hard when he sometimes acts just like them. He says that i don't understand his sense of humor and that I'm always serious all the time. And that I don't show my emotions and I'm not romantic with him anymore. All of this is true.
The strange thing is that we both know what the other wants. We talked a lot throughout our relationship about that. We know them by heart. After every conversation things get better for 2 days and then we're back to the same point. It's like we're acting and forcing ourselves to change. It's so fake that we both just stop. When i tell him love him, I don't really meant it. When he says it to me, i don't feel it. I suggested going to a marriage counselor but he refused it profusely.
I'm at a point where i feel that theres more to life than this life I'm living. I started going to the gym daily. I take dancing classes. I go out with my friends. I started looking for a job, against his wish. He wants me to be a SAHM but i can't take it anymore. There is a huge thing missing in my life and i just don't know what this thing is.
I really don't know what i want from this post, but i just want to ask, is this the way marriages normally are? So dull and boring that you keep wondering how on earth did you end up here? Should i just accept the fact that this is how our life was meant to be and just go with the flow? It's not a bad marriage. We don't hate each other. We trust each other. We're used to being together, but is there any hope in improving our marriage?
That really turned out so long. Thanks for making it this far.
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