Did you get any satisfaction from ending the R, or regain a balance in power, or gain the lion's share of power back? Did you take any pleasure or joy in turning the tables? Did regaining that power help heal you some?
At the time I certainly did not...I felt pain and sorrow, and relief. But not (at the time) did I feel balance restored or get any satisfaction.
From the time we agreed to R, she was so happy that I gave her that chance, as she was sure I never would, never could. She was so afraid though, at the same time, that I would walk. Every day of our 10 week R she expressed fear that I would end it. She thanked me everyday for being such a wonderful, strong man to give her a second chance, to take her back. But she kept saying "You constantly have one foot out the door, and I'm terrified you're going to walk". I wasn't planning on it, I was fighting the fight of my life. But with each passing day, the twisting in my mind and body intensified, and the struggle to stay became more and more brutal.
For those 10 weeks, she was so happy (aside from the fear) - we followed the books and made time for each other every day...had amazing sex every day, I'd wake up at 3 am every morning when she'd get home from work and we'd be with each other. We were so loving, so affectionate. We did all the things for each other we hadn't done in years - we made us a priority...and she fell in love with me again.
Then I told her I wasn't coming home. She was devastated and fought hard, physically and emotionally. But I was done.
It was she, a little while later, who said, in a sincere manner, "you must feel better, regaining your power, taking your manhood back, shifting the balance and regaining control".
Looking back, she was right. But at the time, I didn't feel that way. All I felt was sorrow.
At the time I certainly did not...I felt pain and sorrow, and relief. But not (at the time) did I feel balance restored or get any satisfaction.
From the time we agreed to R, she was so happy that I gave her that chance, as she was sure I never would, never could. She was so afraid though, at the same time, that I would walk. Every day of our 10 week R she expressed fear that I would end it. She thanked me everyday for being such a wonderful, strong man to give her a second chance, to take her back. But she kept saying "You constantly have one foot out the door, and I'm terrified you're going to walk". I wasn't planning on it, I was fighting the fight of my life. But with each passing day, the twisting in my mind and body intensified, and the struggle to stay became more and more brutal.
For those 10 weeks, she was so happy (aside from the fear) - we followed the books and made time for each other every day...had amazing sex every day, I'd wake up at 3 am every morning when she'd get home from work and we'd be with each other. We were so loving, so affectionate. We did all the things for each other we hadn't done in years - we made us a priority...and she fell in love with me again.
Then I told her I wasn't coming home. She was devastated and fought hard, physically and emotionally. But I was done.
It was she, a little while later, who said, in a sincere manner, "you must feel better, regaining your power, taking your manhood back, shifting the balance and regaining control".
Looking back, she was right. But at the time, I didn't feel that way. All I felt was sorrow.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment