1. Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather; It pays no attention to criticism.
8. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
9. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
10. Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
11. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
12. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me
15. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the internet, and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
6. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather; It pays no attention to criticism.
8. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
9. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn your butt tomorrow.
10. Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long.
11. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
12. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
13. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
14. I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me
15. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Put the internet to work for you.
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