So many things have gone wrong that i really don't know where to post this. My wife is drinking. I'm neglected in and out of the bedroom, frustrated by her mood swings and feaarful that she will do something irrevocably bad for us and our marriage. We're both unnder enormous presssure caused by elderly parents and old ghosts from her upbringing. The only constant is that we still love each other.
Back story: I'm 65 and she's 55. She's an engineer and works away from home two weeks at a time in a high security remote location. She's well respected for her high intelligence and professional capabilities on the job. I'm a retired CEO, run a small business and manage family finances. Second marriage for both. Both of us had short, medium and long relationships between marriages. We're financially comfortable and when she's home have time for ourselves. Kids are grown and gone.
She's always been a drinker--I thinkin reaction to a Bible-belt upbriinging and rebellion. I used to drink socially, but stopped 6 months ago to lose weight and b/c of high blood pressure. Previously between us, we'd kill a bottle and a half of wine before and during dinner. Have been hitting the gym, eating better. Lost 30 pounds and am looking okay for an old fart.
The last week she was home, she consistently started drinking at 10 am or before (champagne with breakfast) and just kept drinking all day long. Sometimes she'll take a nap at 4 pm and then get up around 6 and resume. Sometimes, she just goes to bed at 7 pm. If she gets back up, she'll keep drinking after I've gone to bed -- she won't come to bed--and stay up until midnight.
We've gone out for dinner and she's already toasted and proceeds to toss down glass after glass over dinner. I've just run the numbers and her liquior bills are higher than our mortgage.
So, why haven't I addressed this...well you have to start sometime and this is is. She is very stubborn and willful. One attempt to discuss lwhile she was drunk (bad idea, I know now) resulted in her getting in the car, driving off and remaining gone oall night. I was frantic. She returned, didn't want to talk but said she'd cut back. Later, another time, the day after she'd gotten sloshed and passed out on a overnight flight to Europe, she downed two morning glasses of champagne glasses and when I told her she needed to stop, she walked away into Heathrow Airport. (An aside, in looking at her history, it seems that she copes with conflict by running away. She ran away from home b/c of an abusive mother, ran away from her first marriage, ran away from one longer relationship and now with me, she's run twice ph;ysically and many times just run away into her own head.
I've talked with her about counseling. She doesn't believe in it and doesn't see now it could possibly help. (She believes shs smartr than the counselors could possibly be. What could they tell her that she doesn't already know?)
And now about the bedroom. Sex dropped precipitously after menopause. It didn't pause, it just stopped. No libido, and missionary was it and all. I posted earlier, and thought that I'd gotten things sorted out, but that lasted not very long. Now, there have been times that we've gone to bed, cuddled, moved to the next stage and she's actually falled asleep. Once, to stop that I pulled her on top. She fell asleep. What does that do you your confidence and desire?
So, I feel like I'm living with an unexploded bomb and I'm open to all advice, criticism, whatever.
Back story: I'm 65 and she's 55. She's an engineer and works away from home two weeks at a time in a high security remote location. She's well respected for her high intelligence and professional capabilities on the job. I'm a retired CEO, run a small business and manage family finances. Second marriage for both. Both of us had short, medium and long relationships between marriages. We're financially comfortable and when she's home have time for ourselves. Kids are grown and gone.
She's always been a drinker--I thinkin reaction to a Bible-belt upbriinging and rebellion. I used to drink socially, but stopped 6 months ago to lose weight and b/c of high blood pressure. Previously between us, we'd kill a bottle and a half of wine before and during dinner. Have been hitting the gym, eating better. Lost 30 pounds and am looking okay for an old fart.
The last week she was home, she consistently started drinking at 10 am or before (champagne with breakfast) and just kept drinking all day long. Sometimes she'll take a nap at 4 pm and then get up around 6 and resume. Sometimes, she just goes to bed at 7 pm. If she gets back up, she'll keep drinking after I've gone to bed -- she won't come to bed--and stay up until midnight.
We've gone out for dinner and she's already toasted and proceeds to toss down glass after glass over dinner. I've just run the numbers and her liquior bills are higher than our mortgage.
So, why haven't I addressed this...well you have to start sometime and this is is. She is very stubborn and willful. One attempt to discuss lwhile she was drunk (bad idea, I know now) resulted in her getting in the car, driving off and remaining gone oall night. I was frantic. She returned, didn't want to talk but said she'd cut back. Later, another time, the day after she'd gotten sloshed and passed out on a overnight flight to Europe, she downed two morning glasses of champagne glasses and when I told her she needed to stop, she walked away into Heathrow Airport. (An aside, in looking at her history, it seems that she copes with conflict by running away. She ran away from home b/c of an abusive mother, ran away from her first marriage, ran away from one longer relationship and now with me, she's run twice ph;ysically and many times just run away into her own head.
I've talked with her about counseling. She doesn't believe in it and doesn't see now it could possibly help. (She believes shs smartr than the counselors could possibly be. What could they tell her that she doesn't already know?)
And now about the bedroom. Sex dropped precipitously after menopause. It didn't pause, it just stopped. No libido, and missionary was it and all. I posted earlier, and thought that I'd gotten things sorted out, but that lasted not very long. Now, there have been times that we've gone to bed, cuddled, moved to the next stage and she's actually falled asleep. Once, to stop that I pulled her on top. She fell asleep. What does that do you your confidence and desire?
So, I feel like I'm living with an unexploded bomb and I'm open to all advice, criticism, whatever.
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